‘It was.’ Felix stared at the expanse of darkness beyond the glass doors. ‘There were so many points when Meredith could have turned a corner and for a long time we both thought she had, but when she plummeted back into addiction there didn’t seem to be anything strong enough to pull her out again. I just hope to God that Carter can give Sophie the motivation she needs to beat her addiction for good.’
‘Me too.’ Eve swallowed hard, wondering whether to continue, but she needed to get the thoughts out of her head. ‘It’s not quite the same and I know it probably sounds weird,but there were things about Sophie that reminded me of what happened with Annie and Max’s sister. After Max’s assault Annie became incredibly tightly strung and she put so much pressure on Max’s sister, Lily, that it led to her becoming horribly depressed and she just couldn’t cope any more. I was terrified about what might happen to her, but she decided to move to America to try and save her mental health. Annie spiralled even further after that, eventually having what I can only describe as a breakdown. I did what I could to help and when she was beginning to recover again, she told me that in the darkest days of it all she’d considered ending her life and that she might well have done if it hadn’t been for me. She said how grateful she was knowing I’ll never leave?—’
‘That’s a hell of a lot of pressure to put on you.’ Felix looked directly at her and she nodded.
‘It is, but I understand it and the truth is, I won’t leave. Not because I’m some kind of saint, but because I’m terrified if I do, that I could end up like Sophie, feeling like there’s no one who cares if I’m around or not.’
‘I care.’ Felix held her gaze for a moment and Eve’s heart hammered against her chest. She should turn away, change the subject, or make light of his comment, but she didn’t want to. She wanted him to kiss her and, as he started to close the gap between them, she found herself mirroring the action and closing the gap on her side, until their lips met. It was a tentative kiss at first, as if Felix was waiting for her to stop it, but she’d wanted this from almost the first time Eden had introduced them, before he’d even started work at the hospital. Suddenly she was the one dictating the pace, kissing him back with a passion that had lain dormant for so long she’d wondered if it was gone forever. When she finally pulled away she was breathless, flushed with a mixture of desire and guilt that left her desperately wanting to take one course of action, but knowingwith a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she had to take the other.
Felix had refused to allow Eve to head home in the dark, even when she called an abrupt and awkward end to their time together. He must have thought she’d hated the kiss, but the truth was she’d enjoyed it far more than she’d ever have imagined possible despite how incredibly attractive she found him. Maybe she’d secretly hoped the kiss would put an end to that attraction, but if she had, that idea had seriously backfired, because the connection between them had gone beyond just the physical.
On the drive back to her place, Eve had kept up inane chatter about Felix’s interior design choices, including the beautiful dark green sofa and how he must tell her where he got it from, anything to avoid acknowledging the elephant in the room. To his credit, Felix had joined in the conversation like it was the most natural thing in the world, but then he probably hadn’t wanted an awkward silence either. It would be far better if they both just forgot the kiss had even happened, but Eve already knew she wasn’t going to be able to.
‘I’ll see you at work then,’ he’d said when they arrived at her place.
‘Yeah, see you at work and thanks again for breakfast.’ This time she’d leapt out of the car so fast her seat might as well have been on fire, and she hadn’t turned and waved, or watched him drive away, instead going straight indoors and shutting the door firmly behind her.
Eve should probably have gone straight to bed, she was certainly tired enough, but she couldn’t settle. Her mind wasracing and to her surprise there was only one place she wanted to be: Oakwood Park. She needed to be close to Max to remind herself why it would be so wrong to give into her feelings for Felix.
Visiting times in the residential unit were very open ended, but no one was allowed to arrive before 8a.m. without special permission. So Eve took a long hot shower, dried her hair and got ready, before spending another couple of hours poring over old photographs of her and Max. She was at Oakwood Park for 8a.m. on the dot and she knew that although Annie would almost certainly be going in at some point, she was highly unlikely to arrive before 10a.m. It would give her a chance to be alone with Max for a bit.
‘Morning, Jean.’ Eve greeted the mother of another one of the other residents with a kiss on both cheeks. Jean visited her son, Michael, who’d sustained a head injury in a car crash decades earlier, every single weekend without fail. She was an absolutely devoted mother, just like Annie, and although Michael’s siblings visited whenever they could, more often than not Jean would come on her own, seeming far more able than Annie to cope with that.
‘Morning, Eve, you’re here bright and early today.’
‘I couldn’t sleep.’
‘Ah, you should have come and kept Michael company. He’s been so excited since his birthday last week and he doesn’t seem to have come back down to earth yet. He always gets like that when he sees his brothers, and his nieces and nephews. Throw birthday cake and presents into the mix and it’s his idea of heaven.’
‘I think it would be most people’s and I’m so glad you all had a lovely time, you both really deserve it. I’ll see you later, Jean. Have a great day with Michael and give him a hug from me.’ Eve managed a smile, because Jean was so kind and she didn’twant to feel envious that Michael still seemed to find such joy in being around the people he loved, even after his head injury had changed so much. Maybe she just needed to find a way to reconnect with Max. It wouldn’t be presents and cake for him, but there might be something else that worked.
‘See you later, my love.’ Jean gave Eve’s arm a squeeze, before the two women turned and walked in opposite directions along the corridor.
‘Gaming already?’ Eve said as she walked into Max’s room. He was sitting on the two-seater sofa, the controller in his hand and his focus firmly fixed on the screen in front of him rendering her question redundant.
‘Yes.’ He barely looked up at her, instead reaching for the slice of toast sitting on the table beside him and taking a bite.
‘Can I play too?’ This time Max’s head shot up in response to her question.
‘Do you want to?’ He couldn’t have sounded more surprised if she’d said she wanted to paint herself green.
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Okay then.’ He got up and pulled a second controller out of drawer, before adjusting the settings on the game to go into two player mode.
‘I might not be very good at this.’ Eve was almost certain that statement would turn out to be true.
‘That’s okay. I can teach you.’ When Max smiled, it felt like the most genuine one she’d received from him in months, maybe even since before the assault. Eve swallowed against the emotion that was suddenly threatening to spill over. She wanted to cry because of the hint of affection in his tone that was so rare these days, and because of the wave of guilt that had followed. She’d kissed Felix; betraying not just Max but his entire family, and she found herself blinking hard to stop the tears from coming. Itwould just annoy Max and ruin what felt like a precious moment between them, so she had to shake the guilt and sadness off.
The next two hours passed quickly, despite Eve struggling to get to grips with the game. There’d been occasional flashes of impatience from Max, but on the whole he’d seemed to enjoy the fact that she was sharing in his passion. If Eve concentrated really hard at blocking out all the things that had changed, there’d even been a couple of moments where it had felt almost like the old days, sitting side by side with him on the sofa. Eventually the events of the night before had begun to catch up with her and as her eyes had got heavier, her reflexes had slowed down further and she’d been even less able to keep up with the game.
‘I think I might just watch you for a bit now, to see if I can pick up some tips.’
‘Good idea.’ Max had patted her hand then and it had been all Eve could do not to give in to the tears that had threatened earlier. Instead she’d allowed her eyes to close, as she curled up next to him on the sofa and he continued his game. The next thing she was aware of was the sound of Annie whispering, but she didn’t open her eyes.
‘Look at them, Nigel, it’s almost like nothing has changed.’ Eve could hear the sound of Max softly snoring beside her. She had no idea how much time had passed, but he must have dropped off for a nap as well. It was no surprise, given that he often stayed up for most of the night gaming and then slept on and off during the day. It was a habit the staff at Oakwood Park were trying to break before he moved to semi-independence, but they weren’t there yet.
‘It really does look like that.’ Nigel’s voice cracked with emotion and Eve decided against opening her eyes. Max’s father struggled with visiting Oakwood Park and if this moment wasgiving him some comfort, she didn’t want to be the one to shatter his illusions.
