I nodded. ‘I’ll think about it.’
‘It’s not possible,’ interjected Papa. ‘It would be a burden to Philippe and Clarice. An extra mouth to feed. At least here, Nathalie is with us and earning some money.’
‘What good is money when there is nothing to buy?’ replied Maman dejectedly. ‘It is becoming a daily challenge to find food in the city. And even with ration books, after queuing for hours, there is often nothing left. I never thought the day would come when the people of Paris were starving. And those German pigs …’ she made a faux spit to the ground ‘… they dine out every evening. They never go short of food.’
‘Therese, don’t upset yourself now,’ said Papa, patting my mother’s hand. ‘It won’t always be like this.’
‘How can you say that?’ cried Maman.
‘Because it can’t always be like this. That’s why,’ I said, holding Maman’s other hand. ‘Something will happen. Something will change.’
‘But it will never be the same, not without Edgar.’ Maman gave a sob and hurried from the room.
I exchanged a look with Papa and I could see my pain, despair, and hope mirrored in his eyes.
I left for work a little earlier than usual. The previous evening on my way home I had left a chalk mark on the wall to let Marcel know I needed to speak to him.
As I walked by the end of the wall, I noticed another chalk mark below mine and my heart leapt with excitement. It was an indication that Marcel knew of my sign and wanted to meet me.
I went via the river path, walking as fast as I dared without drawing attention to myself. It was dark under the bridge, but as I passed beneath the archway, I could see Marcel standing there.
He looked tired, and he had dark circles under his eyes and stubble on his chin.
I threw myself into his arms and ignored the scratchy whiskers as he kissed me.
I heard him draw in a deep breath. ‘Ah, Nathalie. I’ve missed you,’ he said. ‘It feels so good to hold you.’
It startled me to hear him speak like that. It wasn’t Marcel’s usual confident way. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, taking a step back so I could study him properly.
‘I’ve been up all night. I’m just tired.’
‘Up all night?’
‘Working.’
I realised what he meant. ‘Are you safe?’ I asked.
‘Yes. Don’t worry about me. Now what is it you needed to see me about? Or could you just not bear to be apart from me for another day?’
We both knew that the joke he was trying to make fell a little flat. I held his hands. ‘I did something last night, and it went wrong,’ I began.
‘Nathalie, what did you do?’
‘Please don’t be cross.’
‘I can never be cross with you, but I need to know what happened.’
I gave Marcel an abridged version of events, including the run-in with Bochette and how I’d set her up to be spoken to by Kranz.
Marcel let out an exasperated sigh. ‘Oh, Nathalie. What am I going to do with you?’ He pulled me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me.
‘I’m frightened,’ I confessed.
‘I won’t let anything happen to you,’ said Marcel. ‘If it’s the last thing I do on this earth, it will be to keep you safe, but you have to help yourself along the way and that doesn’t mean doing your own thing. You were put in the hotel to spy on the Germans, not draw attention to yourself and certainly not to kill one of their officers.’
His criticism stung me, but I knew deep down that what I had done was reckless and I hadn’t kept the low profile that he and Tache had told me to keep.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘but I saw an opportunity.’
