‘I can’t.’ She drew a great breath. ‘Frank’s name was put on her birth certificate; he made sure of that.’ She could barely breathe with the truth of it. ‘He trapped me, and there’s nothing I can do.’
With a final gaze around the room, she gathered her clothes and ran back up to the bathroom to change.
The dream was over.
No matter how much she longed for a different life, she couldn’t leave the one she was in. This lost chance might haunt her, but she could never live with herself if Frank wrestled Annabel away from her.
Carefully, she took off the shirt Angus had given her, clasping it to her chest and smelling the detergent, smoothing the fabric with her hand, placing it back on the windowsill.
When she walked downstairs, he was putting more logs on the fire.
‘I have to go back to the castle,’ she said, avoiding his gaze. ‘Now that it’s raining, the queen will be back.’
Gently, he nodded, taking his coat and leading her to the car.
Silence fell over them as he drove away, and then she said, ‘I think it’s best that we don’t meet anymore. It’s just too hard.’
‘If that’s what you want,’ he said quietly, his eyes on the road ahead.
‘If I have to come to Balmoral or you to London, we have to avoid each other.’
‘What about Annabel? I’d like to keep in touch with her.’
‘I’ll tell her that she can write to you,’ she said. ‘That’ll have to do for now.’
He didn’t reply, the only sound coming from the wipers going back and forth, back and forth, the road blurred by rain, the mountains swamped by clouds.
As they drew to a halt outside the back entrance of the castle, she turned to him, swallowing back a sob. ‘You don’t know how much I’d rather things were different.’
‘I understand,’ he said so softly that she longed to throw her arms around him, tell him to never let her go.
But she forced herself to get out. Before she left, she turned and murmured, ‘I’ll never forget you’ through the car window, and their eyes met one final time, and she saw him mouth the words, ‘I love you.’
And tears poured down her face with the rain as the car vanished down the road.
Even though he’d gone, there she stood, the deluge soaking her clothes all over again, like it was draining away every last ounce of happiness she’d ever had.
For an awful moment, she wondered if she was making a mistake, that it might work out – Frank didn’t want Annabel, did he? The girl was too headstrong, too opinionated. But in the back of her mind, she knew he’d take the girl out of spite. He’d iron the confidence out of her before long, just as he had with Caroline.
And Caroline couldn’t let that happen.
Smoothing the rain from her coat, she turned back to the castle.
She had to stop dwelling in the past, had to work harder on her marriage.
But most of all, she had to forget about Angus. Now that she knew he loved her, living without him was going to be the biggest challenge she would ever have to face.
CAROLINE
AFTER A SLEEPLESS NIGHT IN THE CHILLY BALMORAL ROOM, Caroline struggled to keep a smile on her face as she dressed the queen the following morning.
‘It’s fishing for the whole family today.’ Elizabeth’s eyes went to the window, where a light mist coated the valley. ‘A splendid morning for it, don’t you think?’
‘Beautiful!’ Caroline replied, thinking how much she would love to be out there, spending the day on the peaceful loch. Instead of Charles and Anne, she’d have Annabel with her, making jokes and trying to perfect her skills. But of course, beside them wouldn’t be Frank. In her dreams it would be Angus, the thought quickly pushed out as she got back to the task of tying a neck scarf for Her Majesty.
‘You’re leaving today, aren’t you? I hope you got to see the mountains?’ Elizabeth was still looking outside, and as if speaking to herself, she said, ‘There’s something freeing about them, don’t you think? A place where one can be oneself.’
The words couldn’t have been more true, and Caroline found herself clearing her throat before replying, ‘Yes, that’s exactly how it feels, Ma’am.’
