I was beyond miserable when we got back to the school and I collapsed on the grass, panting. Seconds later, Sean thumped down next to me, resting forward on his knees. Claire had beaten both of us and was sitting on my other side, her breath barely faster than normal.
“You suck,” Sean told her.
“Hey, don’t be mad at me if you can’t handle three miles after a week off,” she said. “I told you to run without us. I called you and everything.”
“And what did I tell you?” he said, without raising his head.
Claire’s face flushed slightly, but with her fair skin, it was rather impressive. “I,” she said, “am your friend, so I will not repeat what you told me.”
Sean found the energy to laugh and I wasted what little air I’d forced back into my still-panting body to laugh with him. We stopped when the sound blended together.
There was this moment when our eyes met and my smile was still half there. But it was like he was looking past me. Not seeing me at all.
“Come on, guys.” Claire had noticed our little exchange, and her mouth was pinched in disapproval. “I don’t know why you’re both being so stubborn, but this—” she pointed at both of us, then crossed and uncrossed her arms “—needs to stop.”
I didn’t say anything and Sean took the opportunity to guzzle from his water bottle.
“Okay, so this is it now? You’re just going to give up?” She gave Sean a look before turning to me. “Jill?”
I had to turn away when she stared at me like that. My eyes fell on Sean, barely two feet away but feeling much farther. His face was healed except for some light yellowish bruising and a thin, almost imperceptible line from where his lip had split—from where Daniel had split his lip. Looking at it made me feel guilty and angry all over again. Mostly guilty. But I didn’t look away.
Just meet my eye once. Convince me again that we have a chance.
He didn’t.
This time was nothing,nothing, compared to what had happened with my mom. He hadn’t given up then, so why now? When I couldn’t look at him refusing to look at me anymore, I shoved him. “What is with you?”
“Um, Jill? I don’t think—”
“No.” I waved off Claire. “He hasn’t talked to me in over a week so why is he even—”
Sean let out a barked laugh and shook his head. “Except for last week, right? You know, when you called me and I took you to lunch.” Sean leaned toward me and put his arm around my shoulders and addressed Claire in an overly enthusiastic way. “I dropped everything and raced right over to get her. ’Cause I’m that guy!” He flung his arm away from me and got to his feet, all pretense gone. “You’re gonna have to find someone else to run with, Claire. I’m done.”
“What?” Claire gave me a wide-eyed look, then pushed up onto her knees.
I was on my feet right behind Sean. How could he possibly know I’d lied to Dad when Daniel and I talked? I went after him when he started for the parking lot, motioning for Claire to hang back.
CHAPTER 35
The farther Sean made me chase him, the angrier I got, until at last I darted in front of him. He had to stop or collide into me, and the last thing he looked like he wanted to do was touch me.
His eyes skidded away from me and his chest heaved.
“Are you done?” I dug my hand into my side, pressing at the stitch our earlier run had created and the sprint revived. “I can’t follow you if you decide to take off again.”
Sean didn’t dodge around me, but he didn’t speak either. He dropped his pissed-off expression for a split second, and what was underneath it was sadness, like he’d lost something and he was only now realizing it.
But that made no sense, none of it did. Not his locked jaw or his curled lip, not his rigid posture or the waves of hostility I could feel. He was supposed to be the one apologizing, not acting like it was the other way around, like it wouldn’t matter even if I did.
My eyes twitched as I searched his face. His last words from the track trickled through me and I was overcome by a wave of dizziness. I swallowed. “How did you—how did you know about lunch on Thursday?”
Sean drew back, like he couldn’t stand to be near me. “Your dad called to offer me a tune-up. Shocked the hell out of me. He said I was always driving you around and I said ‘not really’ ’cause you weren’t even answering my calls at the time. Then he said I took you to lunch last week.”
I felt the blood drain from my face.
“So there I was,” Sean continued, his eyes narrowed at me in a way I wouldn’t have been able to conceive of a couple weeks ago, “lying to your dad and listening to him thank me—thank me—for always being there for you. Yeah. Can you believe it? He finally likes me.”
The heat from the asphalt was wafting up and wrapping around my legs, hot and horrible, but it was nothing compared to Sean. Especially when his voice softened.
