“And I couldn’t figure it out. Why would you lie about me taking you? Why would you bother? You wouldn’t if Claire picked you up, or another friend from school or anybody really. And then I thought, maybe it was about your mom. Maybe she showed up and you didn’t want him to know. Okay, that would make sense. But, then—” Sean laughed “—the last time you saw her, you didn’t exactly welcome her with open arms. I doubted she’d risk coming to the shop with your dad there.” Sean affected a confused expression and huffed out a breath. “But maybe there was someone else you wouldn’t want your dad to know about.” He dropped his voice. “Tell me I’m wrong, Jill. Tell me you didn’t lie about me—make me lie to your dad—so you could go off with him.”
But I couldn’t.
“Jill…?” Sean’s eyes blurred as they flickered back and forth between mine.
I took a step toward him, hands rising involuntarily. “I didn’t know my dad would call you. I never meant to put you in that position.”
Sean was shaking his head. Not wanting to hear me, but I kept going.
“It’s not like that. We didn’t get to talk after everything and we needed to talk, Sean.”
But Sean was walking away.
“I haven’t even seen him since then. Hey. Hey!” I caught Sean by the shirt, damp with sweat under my fingers.
He rounded on me. “You think I care if you’re with the psycho next door?”
My face flushed hot at his word choice.
“I don’t.” He practically spit the words. “I did, and I got a broken nose and a slammed door for my trouble. So now I don’t care. Do what you want, but don’t lie about me to your dad. I won’t cover for you next time.”
Hot tears scalded my eyes, but I blinked them back. “You’re so self-righteous. You didn’t do anything wrong, huh? It was all me?”
Sean’s expression didn’t flicker.
“You hit my—friend.” I barely tripped over the word, but Sean’s hardened look incensed me and I got right in his face. “A friend who helped his mother escape from a sadistic monster who nearly crushed her skull with a baseball bat. You hit him when he was still recovering from the injuries he got protecting her.” That got more than a flicker in response. “He told someone—me—for the first time, about his dad and how he’d been beating them. You have noideawhat that was like for him, reliving that nightmare. So he got drunk and he kissed me. He knew he shouldn’t have. He apologized right before you tried to knock his teeth out.” Sean’s hostility had faded with each word I spoke. I should have stopped when he started flinching, but it was too late by then. The words rushed out.
“That’s who you hit. A guy who was so used to being beaten that he snapped and fought back because he didn’t expect you to stop.” My chin quivered but I refused to cry. “It’s not okay what he did to you. It’s not okay that he kissed me. None of it is okay, but you act like I don’t know that. I do! You never gave me a chance to say I’m sorry, or to explain or anything. You stand there and you lecture me and you go off and say the worst things you can think of, but I keep coming back. I’m here. I was ready to talk to you, to see if we could fix us. To see if you wanted to, but you don’t. You want to pretend you’re perfect. You’re not.”
And that old hurt, the one I’d tried to ignore for months, the one I couldn’t bear to think about because of what I knew it would cost me, choked out. “You almost kissed my mom, Sean.”
That one cut as deep as I’d meant it to. I could see it on his face. I clenched my teeth to keep in the sob, letting only rapid breaths pass through. The Sean in front of me was my friend again. The one who maybe loved me, if Claire was right. The one who’d take any pain to protect me. But when he reached for me, I jerked back.
“No! How could you do that to me?” I didn’t want him to answer. I’d break apart if he tried.
I looked at his eyes, back and forth, but there were no answers, so I left without even going back for my bike.
And he didn’t chase me.
CHAPTER 36
People were looking at me as I walked home, slowing their vehicles. One lady even lowered her window to ask if I was okay. I waved her off with some excuse and kept walking. It was hot and idiots honked, and I walked. One foot in front of the other, almost as fast as the tears that ran down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them from spilling over any more than I could shut out the thoughts that made them.
Sean and Daniel. Sean and my mom. Mom. Dad.
More and more cars clogged the streets. I started counting them to fill my head. Four white pickup trucks, two red compacts and half a dozen gray minivans. And one green Jetta.
I could have made a scene when the Jetta pulled up next to me. I’d run out of tears, if nothing else, but it was the sight of my bike in his backseat that made me stop.
Sean leaned over and pushed open the passenger door.
And I got in.
Neither of us spoke as Sean drove me home. We even kept silent as we unloaded my bike.
The back tire bounced on the driveway when the bike was free, and we both stood up, the Jetta separating us. What little control I’d gained from my walk and subsequent ride home—and it was very little—evaporated when I saw Sean’s hands rest on the roof of his car, all ten fingers splayed out and the knuckles turning white. He wasn’t even blinking.
“I know you have to go to work, but I’ll come by tonight. We need to talk.” There was no question from Sean, just a simple statement of fact.
