“Wait,” she said. Then she walked purposefully toward Brandon. Brandon had no idea what to expect from the woman whose husband had fathered him. She might have been approaching him to spit in his face for all he knew. But I wasn’t surprised when she hesitated for the tiniest second before wrapping him in her arms.
It was a quick hug. Brandon barely had time to respond, either by stepping back or returning the embrace. When she pulled back, she was nodding and at that stage right before someone starts to weep openly. She raised a hand to his head.
“You look just like my girls.” Her breath came out in a half sob but she smiled up at him. “I’m saying this because I want you to hear it and believe it. You will always be welcome in my home. Okay? Okay.” She nodded as she turned back to Dad, releasing Brandon only to catch his hand and lead him back to Dad. “This is my husband,” she told Brandon. And then to Dad, “And this is—” A sob hit her hard. “This is your son.” She missed Brandon’s flinch at the wordson, but Dad didn’t. She smiled through the tears, or she tried to, glancing between the two, before coming to join me and Selena, gathering us both as tightly as she had Brandon.
My vision was a blur from my own unshed tears as I watched them. There was no embrace or tears. They stared at each other, knowing they weren’t afforded the same emotional freedom that Mom and Selena and I were. They were father and son, but that relationship was predicated on events that neither could ever view without remorse on Dad’s part and likely some level of animosity on Brandon’s. They were bonded by an affair, and that could never be erased. Dad knew it; Mom too. Maybe that was part of the reason she’d hugged him, knowing her husband never could. Though I knew that when she saw Brandon, she didn’t see only the results of the affair. She saw a motherless boy who looked so much like her own children that she couldn’t stop herself from tearfully embracing him.
They were of a height, Dad and Brandon, and similar build. They had the same eyebrows too—the left one twitched when they were struggling with intense emotions. I think I could have watched them endlessly, but Brandon appeared to be approaching his limit. His shoulders had begun creeping up and his hands were shoved deep in his pockets. Dad took in all those signs too and didn’t waste what little time they had with small talk.
“Did you have a good life?”
Brandon’s answer was instant and showed none of the tension I saw in his posture. “The best.”
“Good, that’s good.”
They both seemed to realize the captive audience a few feet away, so when Dad asked Brandon if he wanted to walk with him to the dugout in order to retrieve a forgotten ball, Brandon agreed.
I don’t know what they said to each other during those few private minutes, but it was clear from the handshake they shared before walking back that it was something neither would ever forget.
There were only five people left at the field by then. Dad and Brandon didn’t return together. Brandon hung back. Maybe he couldn’t handle passing us again. I understood the reasoning. I felt so emotionally raw, happy and sad at the same time. Happy because we had this, all of us together. I got to see my brother and it wasn’t horrible. I got to watch him meet Dad. Sad because it was already over. I wouldn’t ask him to see us again, and he wouldn’t seek us out. He’d said he wouldn’t risk hurting the only man he’d ever call Dad.
Maybe he’d catch Selena on the radio someday. Maybe he’d watch me play in a real stadium. Maybe we’d get to see him rocket into space.
Or maybe we’d all be in the same coffee shop someday. We could sit at the same table and… Maybe.
It felt good to think about amaybesomewhere in the future when we couldn’t have anow.
It also felt good because when Dad reached us, Mom took his hand in both of hers.
And because when Selena saw me glancing back toward Chase, she pressed Gavin’s car keys into my hand.
“Stay. Talk to him. We’ll ride with Mom and Dad.”
CHAPTER 50
Walking toward Chase, I knew I wouldn’t say the right things to him. I hadn’t been able to the two previous times I’d seen him, and with my emotions so heightened from seeing Brandon with Dad, I had no chance. And really, there was no right thing to say. I’d accepted that even while it crushed me. But I’d just had what was likely to be the most bittersweet moment of my life, and Chase was the reason it had happened. I knew he couldn’t hear another apology from me, but I was hoping he’d hear a thank-you.
“I’m sorry about your game,” he said when I stopped in front of him.
I waved off the comment. Losing was the last thing on my mind in that moment. “Is he waiting for you?” I didn’t look in Brandon’s direction, but it was clear who I meant.
“He already went to the car. He probably needs a few minutes.”
Something like panic crawled up my spine. A few minutes. It wasn’t enough, but I let myself look at him for a few seconds, his face and his eyes, storing up for the famine that would come when he left. One last bit of selfishness before I lost him too.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you what you did for me tonight. Getting Brandon to come, getting to hug my brother and feel him hug me back.” I clutched at my uniformed chest, imagining that I could still feel that embrace. “I didn’t think I would ever get to do that. So thank you.”
Chase started to open his mouth, but I wasn’t done. He had to let me say it all.
“My sister got to hug him too and hear him say she sang and played well. You can’t know what that means, but thank you. And my mom—” I clamped my mouth shut until I could steady my voice again. “I didn’t know what she was going to do if she saw Brandon—I don’t know if she knew—but she got to love him. I know it was only for the briefest of moments, but he got to feel that. You did that.”
Chase’s eyebrows drew together, not in anger, but like he was focusing hard on something. I kept going, knowing once I stopped, I wouldn’t be able to get the rest out.
“My dad—my dad got to shake hands with his son, face-to-face. A son he didn’t know he had until two weeks ago. And Brandon got to meet his father. I don’t know what that means to him, but it has to mean something. He won’t have to wonder, about any of us. And if he ever decides to tell his dad about us, we’ll be more than names. Chase, I don’t know what you said to convince him to come here tonight…” I inhaled a shaky breath as I ran out of words.
“I didn’t.”
His bald answer caught me up short, but Chase went on before I could say anything.
