“I was still figuring out if I was going to say anything to him when he came over to get some stuff to take to college and he saw the garage. It’s not empty, but we can park both cars in it again.”
“Really?” I said, a smile lifting my voice despite everything else. I’d somehow found room to worry about his mom and what Brandon’s early move would mean to her and Chase. I needed every victory I could get, and that was a big one for them, and somehow for me too.
“Really. I told Brandon about us going through it, about you helping me and what you said after my mom started to lose it. She’s the only person in my life I have a problem being direct with. You helped me find a way to say what I needed in a way that she could hear. That’s why he let me tell him about you, about his sister,” Chase said. “So I didn’t convince him to show up today. You did.”
He wasn’t there anymore, but I turned to where I’d last seen Brandon walking across the empty field. Something tight in my chest loosened. There was plenty of bad that Chase could have told Brandon, especially now that he knew how I’d lied to him, but I knew he hadn’t. Happy tears stung my eyes hearing that Chase had given my brother something of me to take with him, since I’d been unable to do that myself. It was yet another kindness I didn’t deserve.
“It’s the best thing anyone has ever done for me, for my family.” I faced Chase again. “Thank you.”
His response was a sad smile. Just his mouth lifting a little on one side, and his eyes ever on mine.
I should have stopped then. Left it at thank you and walked away. But I couldn’t, not when this was my last chance with him too. Even if it changed nothing—especially if it changed nothing—I had to tell him the truth.
“At the coffee shop, you asked me if it was always about Brandon, you and me. At the time, I thought any answer I gave you would be me making excuses for myself, but there aren’t any—there’s just the truth. The day I met you was the worst day of my life. I had just come face-to-face with proof of my father’s infidelity and discovered a brother who couldn’t stand to look at me. You weren’t supposed to be part of it, but you were. You were nice to me, and without realizing it, you offered me something that I couldn’t walk away from: a chance to know my brother. But, Chase, from that very first night, it was more than that—youwere more than that.” My eyes swam looking at him, but I didn’t let any tears fall. “I wish I could go back to before.”
The muscles in Chase’s face kept twitching. “Before what?”
“Before I knew how much losing you would break my heart. Before I knew I’d still rather do that than break any part of yours.”
Chase’s silent response was profound. He didn’t move or sigh or give me any indication that he’d even heard me. Which, I guessed, was the only response I was going to get. I sucked in a shaky breath.
“Everything I felt for you was real. For me, it’s still real, but I only meant to say thank you. This, tonight, with Brandon and my family. It was a good thing, and it wouldn’t have happened without you.” I was going to turn away then, but something stopped me. One last thing I needed to thank him for. “I only got to know him a little, but I know you. Chase, you are the kindest, most selflessly amazing person I’ve ever known. I’m glad that my brother has you. For the rest of his life, I get to know that.” I tilted my head as I raised a shoulder, a light gesture that was completely at odds with how heavy I felt.
I did turn away then. I had to. If I had to look into his eyes for one more second, I’d break. I didn’t run to Gavin’s car, but I wanted to. I kept my head and my eyes straight ahead as I crossed the parking lot. All of it. All of it. Weeks and weeks of frayed nerves and emotional battering were hitting me hard. I got to meet my brother and see my whole family embrace him. I got to leave him knowing he was returning to a loving family of his own, which was more that I’d ever dreamed possible in this situation. On top of that, my own family was at home waiting for me, together. My parents were still going to be my parents, together. My sister was going to smile when she saw me instead of look away. We were going to shed more tears over this night and the events that preceded it, but we’d do that together. And if I looked into our future, I could see the four of us—five if Gavin stuck around, which might not be the end of the world—together. It was greedy of me to want more, but I did. I wanted the guy I’d walked away from. It was all I could do not to look back and steal one last glimpse of him.
I fumbled with the keys when I reached the door, dropping them before I could fit the key into the lock. And then he was there, stopping the door with his hand before I could open it.
“Wait,” Chase said.
With one word, my heart went from a sluggish beating to a thunderous pounding. His breathing was uneven—he’d run after me.
I turned to look up at him. “Wait?”
He didn’t answer, just kept breathing more rapidly than his sprint across the parking lot warranted. He was right in front of me, his chest rising and falling as fast as mine. “All he wanted to do was protect his dad, and leaving is the only way he thinks he can do it. I don’t agree with him, but it’s his choice. You can’t ever ask him for more. Dana, you have to promise me.”
That brief hope flared and died. “I promise.”
Chase shook his head, half bending down before straightening. “What am I supposed to say to you?”
“Nothing.”
He leaned toward me, and I flicked my gaze over him, frowning at the seeming incongruity between his words and his actions. “I can see it now, the questions you asked, how interested you always were in my family. I told you so much, and I didn’t even realize I was doing it.”
I had no defense, so I made none. “Chase.” I breathed his name. “I’m so sorry for all of it.”
More staring and breathing. “You did hurt me. You hurt someone I care about more than myself.”
I tried to press back farther into the car. “I know.” I was staring at his neck, unable to lift my eyes higher. I lowered them to where his open hand still held my door closed. “Then let me go.” It was starting to hurt more standing there with him than it would to leave.
The tendons in his forearm shook. His voice lowered, and it sounded painful. “I can’t.”
The keys slipped through my fingers and hit the ground again. My gaze rose to his and held.
“I usually know what I want,” he said. “I decide, and that’s it. I don’t look back.”
“I’m not asking you to.” I wasn’t, not anymore. “I knew the first time we went out that I was making a choice. Just because it was the wrong choice doesn’t mean I get to undo it.”
“Tonight…” He stopped and started again. It was the first display of nerves I’d ever seen from him. “Tonight wasn’t about us. That’s not why I came—”
