I laughed and we pulled out of the hug so I could fan my face with my hand. I was still holding back the dam of tears as I laughed and breathed a sigh of relief.
“He’s such an asshole,” I said, and Jenna raised an eyebrow at me, smirking at my uncouthness. I hated swearing and never had much use for it, but working for Beast was beginning to rub off on me. Starting with calling him an asshole, though of course I would never dare say it to his face.
“That he is,” she agreed, “but he’ll be out of here soon enough and we can both move on with our lives and forget he ever existed. You just keep saving that money and use it toward a down payment on a decent apartment. You can’t stay in that beat-up old trailer forever.”
“I know, I know,” I agreed, and that did seem like a better idea.
I hated the trailer, but it was mine, leaks and all. I’d moved out of Jenna’s two-bedroom apartment as soon as I could. In all the years that she’d raised me, I’d never seen her with a man, so the day she brought home Gregory I knew it was serious and they needed their own space.
“You done for the day? We’re going out for dinner tonight if you want to join us,” Jenna asked with a smile.
“I still have my final round with Beast,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “Besides, I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel between you two.”
“Nonsense! We miss you. Finish off your shift and meet us at Della Roma at nine.”
My stomach rumbled at the sound of my favorite restaurant’s name and we both laughed. Jenna patted my arm as she passed.
“I’ll think about it. I’m really tired.”
“Please come.” She leaned in and kissed the side of my face. She may have been my godmother, but she was the next best thing to a mom I could have ever hoped for. If it hadn’t been for her, who knows what would have happened to me. Probably dumped into the system—and then what? No one would have come to get me so I would have been stuck there until I was seventeen before being vomited out into the world and left to do my own thing.
Jenna had saved me in the best possible way; she’d given me a home, a family, love, and I would never be able to repay her for it.
“Okay, I’ll come,” I agreed, not feeling up to it after the day I’d had, but knowing she wouldn’t let it drop unless I agreed. Besides, I could never resist Italian food.
She left and I made myself a quick coffee before pulling out the letter from my pocket. My hand smoothed over my handwritten name on the front of the envelope, the federal prison stamp shining like a beacon at me.
It was the thing I had dreaded getting my entire life: a letter from my mom. Only this was actually worse. She’d abandoned me as a toddler and I hadn’t heard anything from her since, but now, after all these years, she was about to get out of prison and she needed somewhere to stay. And for some reason she’d chosen me.
I knew I was being used, but how could I say no to her?
She was mom. Not by her heart or soul, but by blood, and despite my better judgment, I couldn’t ignore that.
Chapter Ten
~ Beast ~
“Brought you a little something to keep you occupied, brother.” Gauge smirked as he came into the room. Lola, one of the club’s sweetbutts, tottered in on high heels, her tight little ass sashaying behind her like she owned the place. “Thought a little relief might help you to sleep better.”
Sleep? Fuck, I hadn’t slept properly in months. An hour here or there, but that was it. Every time I closed my eyes I watched Echo falling. I saw the blood pumping from him. I felt the fire on my skin and my flesh melting away, and I heard the horses screaming for their freedom. More than enough times I’d woken myself up by being sick all over. I’d decided it was best just to stay awake so I didn’t have to dream.
But Lola, sweet-as-a-peach Lola. She had always been my favorite girl at the club and had never failed to send me off to la-la land after an epic session. She smiled as she twirled a curl around her finger, her gaze flitting between me and Gauge. I scowled, watching as she took me and all my glorious fuckedupness in.
“Pretty, ain’t I,” I growled with a snarl.
Her smile fell and Gauge gave her ass a tap and sent her toward me. I was still wearing a bandage around my head to cover where those fuckers had almost taken my eye. Doctors said my sight might come back to it one day, but the possibilities were slim to none. I should’ve just let them take the fucking thing out but I couldn’t bear the thought of losing more of myself to those bastards. But I couldn’t wear the bandage forever. Sooner or later I’d need to take it off and put on an eye patch like I was a fuckin’ pirate or some shit. I just didn’t want to. If I wore the patch it was like accepting that I’d never see with it again, and I wasn’t ready for that. My depth perception was messed up and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to ride again, or even shoot a gun. What kind of enforcer couldn’t shoot a damn gun?
Eye patch or not, there was no shying away or hiding from the fact that I was covered in thick red knife scars and half my body had been burnt to a crisp and was now bubbled and melted. And the parts that hadn’t been burnt or cut into had been hacked away. Both little fingers, both little toes, and chunks randomly taken out of my body. I was a freak. A full-fledged freak. What they hadn’t carved from me, they’d burnt, and what they hadn’t burnt, they’d scarred. I was fit for the fucking house of horrors and it was only just really occurring to me how hideous I was to women.
Seeing Lola visibly flinch back from me made me feel sick in a whole new way, and for the first time I wasn’t angry. I was destroyed.
My heart pounded in my chest and I wished it would just give up and let me die already. Because this was it for me now. This was all I had to look forward to: my brothers pitying me and women feeling sick around me. I was done.
“I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone,” Gauge laughed, unaware of the bombshell he’d just dropped in the room.
Lola turned and watched him leave with a horrified look on her face, and Gauge’s smile fell before he winked at her, letting her know that everything was going to be okay.
This was a pity fuck.
