I just wanted to go home and go back to sleep. Or heck, maybe just quit this day altogether. Could I bypass Tuesday and pretend it didn’t exist? Just skip straight over into Wednesday. Heck, maybe skip Wednesday too and go straight to Thursday for my day off. That would be a better option.
Making quick time on the rest of my rounds, I headed into the break room to try to grab a quick coffee before heading back to Beast’s room. Seeing to him was the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did before I went home. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him again—not after this morning. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was more afraid of him now or I just felt entirely awful that I’d hurt him when I should have been taking care of him. Either way, I felt awful and nervous and just wanted to go home and climb back into bed.
Pushing open the staff room door, my day got worse when I found Jenna sitting at the small table by the window with her own coffee in hand. She paused mid sip and I started to back away because I was too exhausted to deal with this right now. We hadn’t spoken since Beast had effectively fired her and hired me in the same breath. I could understand her thinking that I’d come in and stolen her job—though honestly, she should know me better than that—but she hadn’t even given me the chance to explain that I had no choice and that I was going to give her all the money because I didn’t want it. She’d just shut me out and refused to talk to me.
“Belle,” she said on a sigh, “we should talk.”
That was the last thing I wanted to do.
I was tired.
I was upset.
And I still had to go and tend to Beast one more time before I could clock out for the evening and go home and pass out. And after how I’d handled him that morning, it wasn’t likely to be a walk in the park. He’d no doubt make my life hell.
I paused in the doorway, letting my gaze meet hers, and I finally realized that she looked as sad as I no doubt did, and I immediately felt ten times worse. Jenna stood up, leaving her coffee on the table, and walked toward me. Her brow furrowed when I didn’t move toward her, and I saw the hurt flash across her face. I didn’t want to hurt her; I didn’t want to hurt anyone, but I was so tired of walking on eggshells with people. Of people assuming the worst of me. But mostly, I was tired of people taking advantage of me and thinking they could just take whatever they wanted and be damned if it hurt me.
The letter was burning a hole in my pocket telling me that I would always be used. That I was no good. That nobody really cared about me unless they could get something from me.
I lifted my chin. “What is there to talk about?”
My words came out cold and uncaring, which was exactly what I was going for, but it wasn’t me, this wasn’t who I was, and my shoulders immediately slumped in regret.
“I’m sorry,” I said, lowering my gaze to the ground. I pushed my hands inside the front pockets of my uniform, rubbing the letter between my fingertips. “It’s been a really long day.”
“It’s the job,” she agreed.
“Look, I’m really tired, Jenna. I don’t have the energy to fight with you right now, please.”
“I don’t want to fight with you either, Belle,” Jenna said, her head cocked to one side like she was trying to work me out. “I’m just disappointed. After everything I said about men like him… you just straight up go and ignore me. I thought I’d raised you better than that.”
I looked up at her sharply. “I didn’t want to work for him!”
She frowned. “You didn’t?”
I shook my head. “God no, but it’s not like I had much of a choice. It was either me or they’d find someone else, and I didn’t want you losing out on the money, so I took the job so I could still give you the money—better you have it than someone else. But then you wouldn’t speak to me to let me explain that I wasn’t taking your job. I promise I wasn’t. And I know it was stupid, and you were right about everything; he’s awful, and probably unsavable, and I’m sorry for disappointing you—”
“Go back a step. You think I care about the money?”
“Don’t you? Isn’t that why you’re mad at me?”
Jenna scowled and came toward me before wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “No, I couldn’t give a damn about the money, Belle, I care about you! Like I said, I warned you what men like him were like and then you just straight up started working for them like I hadn’t said a thing. I’m mad that you’ve put yourself on their radar”—she paused and pulled out of the hug—“but I guess that’s really my fault, huh?”
“What should I have done then?” I asked, completely confused. I’d thought I was helping her, but apparently not. I’d thought I had been backed into a corner with no other option, but I was wrong about that too.
“You should have said no. You should have sent them packing with their tails between their legs and made it clear that you can’t be bought.”
I felt so stupid and naïve.
My chin trembled with the need to cry, but I held it back and tried to stay strong. “I thought it was about the money,” I whispered, the words lodging in my throat.
“Since when do I care about money?” Jenna shook her head at me. “I’ve raised you from three years old, Belle. When that good-for-nothing mom of yours up and left I decided right then that I would do everything I could to give you as many opportunities as I could. I worked my butt off, going without things for myself just to give you what I could, and you think now, all of a sudden, I give a damn about money? Girl, I haven’t had a spare dollar since you came to my house.” She laughed and I laughed with her, a sob bubbling in my throat and threatening to overflow.
“I’m sorry,” I said, guilt eating away at me. “I haven’t spent any of their money though. I was saving it to give to you.”
Jenna smiled and pulled me in for another hug, her hands rubbing my back like she used to when I was little and I couldn’t sleep. I started to feel better, but then the thought of the letter made me feel awful all over again.
“That’s your money. I don’t need it and I don’t want it. Lord knows working for Beast you’ve more than earned it, right?”
