My eyes close.Jesus, Samil. What the fuck?
“He wanted to punish Sebastian anyway he could. He loved Nora, the former queen, you see. You likely know he was responsible for her death.”
I gulp and nod.
“He gave me an ultimatum. My life or Sebastian’s. I chose mine to save his. I didn’t want the children to lose another parent. If I had known I was pregnant…” She trails off. “I don’t know. Samil wasn’t…sane,” she finally utters, her voice low and soft so it doesn’t carry to nearby ears. “He told Sebastian that he tampered with the helicopter because he wanted him and the children d-e-a-d.”
That startles a painful, shocked breath straight from my lungs, and my hand covers my mouth. “No,” slips out. Because… “That can’t be true.” It’s impossible. Samil told me… “Are you sure? The children?”
She nods solemnly, her gaze casting down to Zayer, who is contentedly sitting on my lap, eating away, thankfully oblivious to all we’re discussing. “He knew Sebastian and the children were supposed to be on the helicopter. That was the plan all along, but then at the last minute, Nora decided to come back to their summer palace instead.”
I look away, my insides revolting and my body trembling. She has to be wrong. She has to be. But why would she tell me this if it weren’t? She has no clue who I am or my relationship to Samil.
“I can’t understand that.”
“Nor I.”
Except she’s misunderstanding my meaning.
Samil would never hurt children. He told me he wanted to kill Sebastian because, despite the fact that Nora was pregnant, this time with Samil’s baby, she wasn’t going to leave the king. That’s what she told him the day she died. That’s what they fought about that morning when he traveled to her parents’ home to see her. He was beside himself. Rightfully so. She was pregnant, and they loved each other.
When he told me what happened, what he’d done to the helicopter, he said Sebastian was supposed to come to her parents’ alone. He told me the children were set to stay behind with the nanny. Did he lie to me about that? Did he knowingly try to kill three small children so Nora would have no further ties to the king or the crown, and therefore, he could have her and their baby?
In thinking about it, Zayer was an infant at the time. It doesn’t make sense that the king would leave them behind with a nanny when they were that little. Does it?
Bile climbs up the back of my throat.
Marriages of convenience or arranged marriages aren’t uncommon in the royal world, and I understood why Nora had to marry the king. I also understood why she and Samil continued to see each other. But I can’t understand this. The notion of him killing children so ruthlessly, so callously. Like they’d simply be collateral damage in his quest to win Nora.
I’m a lot of things, and very few of them are good, but I’ve never killed a child, and I never would. Not ever. Adults make their own decisions, and their actions will sometimes get them killed. But innocent children? Samil told me the king deserved to die and not Nora. I believed that. Hate for the king and the royal family was indoctrinated into my soul with an unquestionable vehemence. But now…
What else did Samil lie to me about? The thought that he did burns me up. I trusted him unequivocally. Listened for hours as he talked and told me everything.
For the first time in my life, I don’t trust my brother. It’s soul-crushing.
All these months, all these plans, all these years of believing one thing when it was actually another.
I’ve done some pretty fucked-up things in my life, things that haunt me at night, things I can’t unsee whenever I close my eyes. I was told a hundred evil things about each one of them. Hell, I often saw some of their malevolence for myself. All the reasons they deserved the hand I dealt them. That’s how I justified my actions. I was young and trained, and it was all I knew. Defiance wasn’t an option. Obedience was the only way. I always told myself it was their life or my own, that I didn’t have a choice, and that they had it coming.
But what if some of them didn’t? What if I were fed lies and misinformation so I wouldn’t question my orders? What if I killed people who didn’t deserve to die?
The thought makes me hate myself.
“That’s…” I have no words. “You’re positive?” I question again, this time firmer.
“Yes. I’m positive. Are you okay?” Her brows crease in concern.
“I’m…” I clear my throat. “Yes, Bellamy, I’m okay. I’m simply in shock. He was such a beloved prime minister. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to hurt...” I point down at the sweet little prince on my lap.
“Me neither. I break for them that Nora is gone. No child should lose their mother. I should know.”
“Me too,” I whisper, only to stiffen. Shit. Marcella Russo still has a mother. Marcella of no last name is the one who doesn’t. “I mean, I agree, no child should have to endure that,” I quickly correct.
She waves her hand flippantly in the air. “Enough of this heavy stuff. All I know is that as far as I’m concerned, this c-u-r-s-e nonsense is over, and I’m over it. I can’t live my life in a bubble. In a gilded cage. And I won’t allow my children—Nora’s children—to either.”
“I think that’s very brave.” I meet her gaze head-on. “I thinkyou’revery brave.”
I envy that about her.
