Yes, he is. Very much so, in fact. Tall and lean, broad shoulders like so many handball players. Today, his dark blond hair falls in soft waves to his ears, his green eyes are sparkling. Masculine features with high cheekbones, a prominent chin, and a straight nose. I should look away, or I might start drooling, and that wouldn’t be cool or discrete.
“Yeah, I mean, he looks like a normal dude, right?” Tobi replieswith a shrug.
“But then why has he never had a girlfriend? If someone like him can’t get one I’ll be single for the rest of my life,” Kian whines, and we all laugh.
“He’s more on the quiet side, doesn’t like to be the center of attention, at least not off the court. But he’s nice, everyone on the team likes him.”
“Maybe he just doesn’t want a girlfriend.”
I think Tobi meant something else, but Kian misunderstands his answer and is actually quite right. “You mean he’s gay?”
I swallow.
“No, not at all, maybe, I don’t know. Let’s just leave it at that, it’s none of our business. Louis says he’s a decent guy, everything else doesn’t really matter.” Gosh, I’m glad I don’t have to end this conversation. My heart is beating a little too fast and a little too hard.
“There, he’s looking again.”
Oh, damn it. I walk decisively across the auditorium and stop in front of my boyfriend. I don’t kiss him; I don’t even touch him. Fuck, this is harder than I thought. So close. “Do you have a minute for me? About tomorrow. Game day.”
If he can’t get his smile in check, he might as well kiss me. We’re far from discreet here.
David follows me behind the gym and leans against the wall. “What’s wrong?”
“Where’s Finn?”
“At the orthodontist, why?”
“Because either you stop staring at me, or we come out.” David’s eyes widen, almost panicked. We haven’t really talked about coming out yet, only that we want to fly under the radar for now. I’ve assumed that coming out is at least apossibility for him, but his reaction tells me otherwise and my heart sinks for a moment.
“I can’t, I... shit. I’m sorry, I...” The bell interrupts his stammering.
“Do you have time before practice today?” I ask and David nods quickly. “Come to my place.”
As I turn around, I brush his fingertips, and I hear him inhale sharply behind my back.
***
“Louis!” Paps knocks on my door. “Someone’s here to see you.”
“David.” I hear my voice, and I could slap myself. But one glance is enough to see that my boyfriend is just as uncool as I am. With a shy smile and a hand on the back of his neck, he’s so cute.
Paps looks back and forth between us, somewhat confused, but whatever is going on in his head, I’m grateful he turns away to leave us alone. As soon as the door shuts behind him, I close the distance, wrapping my arms around David’s waist, pulling him close to me. On tiptoes and with my head tilted back, I hope he’ll lean down and finally kiss me and I don’t have to wait long; he doesn’t even hesitate. Time and space dissolve into thin air the moment our lips meet, and I feel like I’m riding the most insane roller coaster in the world.
Somehow we find our way to my bed, and when we pull apart, almost forty minutes have passed. It’s crazy how quickly time flies by when you’re doing something incredibly beautiful.
“David, we need to talk. We can’t go on like this at school. My friends have noticed you looking at me and there’s talk because you’ve never had a girlfriend.”
“Because I’m not into girls.” David doesn’t look at me, just mumbles quietly to himself.
“Have you ever thought about whether we might... in public. Not right now, we haven’t been together that long. But I don’t want chatter behind our backs just because others think they see something or know something.”
Without looking at me, David breaks our embrace slipping forward to the edge of the bed. Slumped over and a shell of himself, he finally replies in a tortured voice. “I can’t come out. My father would disown me and abandon me, just like he did when my sister was caught kissing a woman.”
What? I try to sort out his words in my head, but they make no sense.
“Ever since I was little, I’ve wanted to work for the family company. My sister was supposed to take over, and my father wanted to retire, but then a few years ago there was this huge scandal, and she had to leave.”
“What does your company do?” The question is actually completely irrelevant. My subconscious is probably just trying to distract me from the fact that we’re actually not allowed to be together.
