“Supplier of high-quality electronically and digitally controlled components worldwide.”
“Cool.”
Silence.
Neither of us dares to say it out loud. I always wanted to come out and live like my fathers do. Kiss my partner when I want to, hold him in my arms, look at him without worry. I wanted to be just like all the other couples. That idea has justslipped through my fingers, out of my reach, and I swallow hard. But I don’t want to give him up, I can’t lose him, not now that we’ve just found each other. We need a plan.
“So no one can know we’re together?”
David nods. “I’m sorry. I know it sucks, but... what if he kicks me out too? I haven’t even graduated school yet. I...” He’s scared. I have no idea what really happened with his sister, but that doesn’t matter. I have to decide for myself if I’m ready to stay in the closet or not.
One look at him is enough and my decision is made. Tears are running down his cheeks; his body is shaking. I fall to my knees in front of him, my hands on his cheeks. “Hey, look at me. We’ll figure this out, okay? It’s not perfect, but we’ll find a solution.”
I gently push him up, make room for myself, and straddle his lap. Immediately he wraps his arms around my waist, pressing his head against my shoulder, and I know it was the right decision. Without a doubt, because no matter what happens, David and I feel right.
Chapter 11
David
17 years
“I have an idea. You can say no, but I think it would be good for us. And...” Stuttering is so not Louis’s style.
I raise my eyebrows questioningly and my boyfriend is visibly flustered. “Louis, is there something you want to tell me?”
“Fuck, I’m sorry, they figured it out by themselves, okay? They asked me and I can’t lie to them, not to them.”
My heart sinks and panic rises in my chest forcing the air out of my lungs and I can’t breathe. “Who?”
“My fathers. But they’re totally cool with it. What elsecould they be, it would be stupid if they weren’t, I mean, honestly...” Louis talks with his hands flying and flailing, gesturing wildly and without even looking at me once.
“Your parents know?”
His head falls to his chest and he nods. “I’m so sorry. But you’ve been at our house all the time lately.”
Where else? It’s the only place we’re actually allowed to be. No one asks questions when we’re together, no one cares how we look at each other. His room is our only refuge for now.
“They asked about us, and I didn’t say yes, but I couldn’t say no either. I said we can’t come out.”
“And how did they take it?” I’m not really that worried; Adrien and Philipp Delfosse are cool.
“They didn’t ask why, but they suggested we let Jannis know what’s going on so we have at least one place where we can be together. They want our house to be a safe space for us. Our only...” His voice trails off.
“And can your brother keep his mouth shut?” Jannis is ten, which is a pretty talkative age, right? Kids don’t really think about what they can say and what they can’t.
“Jannis only talks to his family. He has selective mutism. That’s why he doesn’t really have friends.”
Oh, I didn’t know that. That sounds tough. “Has he always been like that? How does he manage at school?”
“He has a communication app on his phone. He can type in what he wants to say, and the voice output speaks for him.”
“But isn’t it exhausting to always have to type everything?”
“No, it doesn’t work like that. The app is dynamic, it suggests words, sometimes whole sentences, it’s really fast. And yes, he’s always been like that. He’s at home, Paps’s heretoo, do you want to meet them?”
I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, scared, but excited at the same time, because deep down I know there’s no reason to be scared.
A quick nod is enough for Louis, and he pulls me to my feet in soft excitement. “Come on then, Paps’s been baking. You don’t want to miss this. But we have to leave some for Papa, or he’ll be mad.”
