We've tried out a lot in the last few days and I don't think Adrien was wrong about the monster. I can't get enough of him. The way his body reacts to my every touch, the way he squirms and swears when I stop just before he comes, the way he lets himself fall.
95% of the time I really have no idea what I'm doing, but he's never annoyed, rather the opposite. Every minute that I take longer to make him come is one more minute of pleasure for him, not wasted time. I have control and power over his body, and I feel like I can't do anything wrong.
When I play with my tongue on the little frenulum between his foreskin and glans, it drives him crazy, but nothing has ever topped his reaction like when I played at his hole with my finger. Without a word, he threw a bottle of lube at me.
I'm not ready for this yet. I love trying out what I can do to him, but being touched still has limits, one to be exact. Just the idea that someone could penetrate me with anything brings me back to the pain I had to endure almost daily for over three years. That's not to say I'm not curious when I see how much fun Adrien has when I play with him. But it's definitely still too soon for me.
Since my ex never touched me, everything else is new and exciting for me. When Adrien licks my nipples, it sends shivers down my spine and when he takes my cock firmly in his hand, I see stars. But I'm lost when he blows me, takes me deep in his mouth and sucks me hard. I explode like a firework. Still, the best thing for me is when we lie together afterwards, remove the evidence of our pleasure and then fall asleep snuggled up together. The certainty that there is so much more between us than just a quick release, so much more than sex.
Chapter 46
Adrien
We're going home tomorrow. The time here has gone by so fast. I still can't really comprehend what has happened in these last two weeks. We are together. Philipp and I are together. He's my boyfriend, mine.
It's our last day at the beach. The sun is shining, Philipp is sitting between my legs reading a book and I'm looking into the distance listening to the waves. His t-shirt lies next to us as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Unthinkable two weeks ago.
He still flinches when I touch his arms. Just like now, when I trail little kisses down his neck and my fingers dance over his freckles. There are more of them now after so much time in the sun, on his face and everywhere else.
After nearly two weeks of sun, lotion and salt water, the acute wounds have healed. Philipp has stopped scratching, so his upper arms are now covered in patches of new skin, some of which is still baby pink and sensitive. A colorful patchwork of white scars, brown freckles and pink skin. It’s beautiful and I love touching and looking at it, because in the end, the fact that I am allowed to do so is the greatest vote of confidence ever. These scars belong to him, tell parts of his story and I won't let him deny or hide something that is so much a part of him and that has taken up so much space in his head for such a long time.
A shiver runs through Philipp's body as I run my index finger along his spine. Always so receptive to every little touch. ButI'm not surprised. How shitty it must have been for him in his relationship with his ex. Where tenderness was seen as a waste of time and sex as a means to an end to get off quickly and effortlessly, with no regard for the partner. I knew the ex was an asshole after the first bits and fragments Philipp told me, but seriously how can you use and break another person like that? I thought my ex was shitty because he just dumped me after we were outed, but compared to Philipp's ex, he's a saint. He just wasn't ready, and he handled it like shit, but he never treated me like shit until then. I understand that now.
The thought of going back home made me terribly nervous. I didn’t know what patterns Philipp would fall back into once he was in his usual environment. I also didn't know how those around me would react to me having a boyfriend.
Everyone around Philipp knew about us before this vacation, but it's different for me. Nobody at university has ever seen us together and still nobody knows that I'm gay. Except Élias, of course, who regularly cries laughing because if I care to believe him I'll break a whole bunch of girls' hearts when it comes out that I'm no longer available. Because of a man.
It still doesn’t feel that funny for me. Like not at all. But I don't want to make Philipp a secret either, he doesn't deserve that. And neither do I. He's mine and I'm his and everyone can know that. Today is the day.
Lectures started again last week. Philipp and Nika still have three weeks until their semester starts in Germany. We've plans to meet up with a group of other people from our course to go for a drink after classes, with Philipp and Nika picking us up.
Nika always causes a stir. The girls hate her and the boys fall over themselves to get her attention. Sometimes I think they all believe they have a realistic chance because they don't see Élias as real competition. But for Nika, there is no one but him, andshe shows this without a doubt by ignoring the other boys as much as possible, but they just don't learn.
When Nika is coming to pick up Élias today, Philipp will be there with her. For the first time. My whole body is tingling, I'm terribly nervous.
I see them as soon as I leave the lecture hall with Élias. They are deep in conversation at the other end of the atrium. It's probably about dancing, because Nika indicates a movement and Philipp starts laughing heartily.
"There she is again. Why on earth they're still together... what does she want from him?"
"Hey, Élias is a really nice guy, just because he's not your type doesn't mean you have to make fun of him. What's much more interesting is who's the cute guy next to her?" I feel a grin spread across my face.Mine, he's mine.
"Do you think he's still available?"No, he's not.
"If he likes girls like Nika, you don't stand a chance anyway." I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter. That was a bad one. And no, he doesn't. He's not into girls at all.
Now that I see him, I don't really care what other people think about me and whether they can cope with the fact that I like men. I have a boyfriend who I love, even if I haven't told him yet, and who loves me, even if he hasn't told me yet. Anyone who can't accept that has no place in my life.
I want to push past the two girls, but one of them stops me. "Ah, Adrien! You're coming with us later, aren't you? For a drink?"
"Yes, of course. I'll be there. See you then!"
A small, delicate hand grips my forearm. Cute. If only she knew that small and delicate isn’t my thing. I grin to myself. "Not so fast. Don't you want to come with us? Élias obviously has someone for the evening. You don't have to be the third wheel.”
I’d rather be third wheeling with Élias and Nika than anything else with her.
"Hey, baby." A familiar voice reaches my ear, followed by a tall man. My man. He gently places a hand on my hip to kiss me. In the middle of the atrium, in front of all my fellow students.
"Hey, glad you're here!" I speak against his lips and immediately get the next kiss.
