"Are you two ready for action now? You can help us pack up. We have to be off the site in an hour!"
The four of us empty the pitch in record time.
"I'll quickly take the car off the campsite, then we can have breakfast together before we leave. Do you want to keep me company, Philipp?" Knowing that she wants to talk, I let myself slide onto the passenger seat.
Nika wastes no time, as soon as the door is closed, she turns to me. "Are you alright?"
"That's your most pressing question?" I laugh, finding it hard to believe that's the only thing she's interested in.
"No, but the most important one."
I can answer that without thinking – and not just to put her at ease, but because I really feel that way. "I don't know if I've ever felt this good. Probably as a child, but that was so long ago. Thank you, Nika." I reach for her hand on the gearshift and give it a firm squeeze.
"For what? I didn't do anything. You sorted out your shit yourselves." If only she knew.
"You brought us here, you gave us a speech and... I did it. I was brave, we talked and he's still here." Grinning and blushing I hide my face in my palms.
"Are you official now? Can I spread the word?" Nika's voice is excited.
"Yes, we are, but who are you going to tell?" I laugh. As if anyone would be interested.
"Joshua and I have a bet. I said you'd be together after the vacation. Joshua said you, I quote ‘won’t get your head out of your ass'. I won." Nika grins all over her face and her blue-gray eyes flash.
"What did you win?"
"The next solo performance is ours and I get to choose the music for the choreography."
That's huge. "Well, I'm glad I played into your cards."
"Nah," Nika shakes her head "I knew you would do it. You're perfect together. And seriously now, how do you feel when you're... intimate?"
"This morning was the first time."
"So?"
"I was so scared that my ex would get back into my head, especially when... when Adrien took over. But everything was quiet, just Adrien and me. He said I could always ask him to stop, anytime, and I believed him. He let me look at him and he looked me in the eyes. I was allowed to kiss him and he kissedme back. I was allowed to touch him, Nika. I... I came first. And then we lay together afterwards. Adrien cleaned me up like I was important."
"You're important, Philipp." My chest tightens and I can feel my eyes getting moist. For the first time since my ex, I can believe those words.
***
I'm sitting behind Adrien on the beach, and I should actually be applying sunscreen to his back. Instead, I'm tracing the endless lines of his tattoo with my fingers.
I gently kiss Adrien's hairline and run my fingers through his short hair. It's thick and full and almost feels a little bristly. I could stroke through his hair all day.
"Do you want to talk?" I ask him. I appreciate that everyone cares about me, takes me into consideration, I really do. But Adrien's feelings are just as important, so I ask.
"I was so nervous this morning, especially at the beginning, I was so scared that I would trigger something. Especially because I... I just rolled on top of you, that was quite a power move." He is right, it was. And yet I didn't feel powerless or inferior. He always sought eye contact, was always with me.
"You’re right. I was waiting for his voice too. But... it never felt like you were just taking something... taking me. The whole time it felt like you were... Oh my God, this is going to sound really stupid..." I bury my face in his neck and I'm glad he can't see me. "It felt like we were... sharing something."
Adrien raises his arms and reaches back around my head to hold me close. "And that was good?"
"I've never felt better. I... um... are we doing this again?" The words have barely left my mouth when I bite my lips. Oh my God, did I really say that? How did that happen? That's not me!Or... is it? And I just don't know myself like this? Because I was never allowed to be like this?
Fortunately, I never have to wait long for a reaction from Adrien. He knows that makes me feel insecure. This time it's a laugh that bursts out of him from deep inside his belly. He releases his hands turning around and pulling me onto our blanket with him. "I think I've created a monster." Then he kisses me like there's nothing better in the world for him than my lips on his.
***
