Nika and Élias exchange a quick glance, then Élias answers. "Yes, we have. That's why we know how important it is to be well prepared. I can't imagine Adrien seeing it any differently."
"I don't know. But he didn't want to have sex with me. He said not like that, that would be wrong... He didn't want me. Adrien didn't want me." Tears are now running down my cheeks. "I... I thought he liked me... that he wanted this too... but I was wrongand he was right. No one will ever want me... and I was stupid enough to get my hopes up..."
"Who is he?" Nika looks at me, confused.
"My ex. I always thought he said that to keep me quiet, to control me... but he was right." I sit on the sofa with my legs drawn up and my head on my knees. Élias slowly gets up and sinks down next to me on the sofa. It's quite cramped between the three of us, but if it bothers him, he doesn't let it on.
Élias rests his elbows on his thighs and hangs his head so that he doesn't have to look at me. "I don't know what Nika told you about us or about me, but I know this feeling and I know your thoughts. You don't want to know how much time I've wasted doubting us, doubting Nika and doubting myself." Nika didn't say anything except that her story was difficult. I know about her problems, her anxiety disorder, but this is all new.
"I know Adrien and if there's one person in this world who wants you, really wants you, it's him. I..." At that moment, Élias's cell phone rings and I see Adrien's name light up on the screen. "Sorry, but I have to take this."
Chapter 22
Adrien
"Did you hear something?"
"Adrien, calm down." How the hell am I supposed to calm down? The man who has become more important to me in the last few months than anyone else in the world stormed out of my apartment almost 1.5 hours ago. I haven't heard from him since. I found his wallet in the hallway and his phone under my bed, which means I can't even reach him. And what if he needs someone? Fuck...
"I can't calm down, I'm going crazy! What if something has happened? He has nothing on him, no phone, no wallet, no ID, nothing! I shouldn't have let him go, but it all happened so fast and I was so shocked and..."
"Hey, calm down. Philipp is with us. He was at our door half an hour ago. I was just about to call you. A couple must have picked him up somewhere and they brought him here. He actually wanted to go home."
"With the tram? At this hour?"
"Yes, they told him that too and he didn't know where else to go."
It's not just a stone falling from my heart, but a whole mountain. "How is he?"
"Not good. He's crying and he's sure you don't want him. What happened, Adrien?"
I don't want him? How can he think that? Because I didn't want to sleep with him? Like this!?! "To be honest, I don't know exactly what happened myself." I know Élias can't see me, but Ihang my head anyway. "We kissed and everything was fine and then... I don't know what I did, but... he thought I wanted to sleep with him and he... shit, I don't even know how to put it."
"Philipp said he asked for prep and you said no. Dude, for real?! That hurts like shit!" Élias's tone is accusatory. And rightly so, if that was really what happened.
"What, no, it wasn't like that! Not at all! I..." I'm so confused and upset that I don't even immediately got what he's said. "Wait, how do you know what prep is and that it hurts like shit without it?"
"Don't get distracted!"
"Same to you! Tell me! Have you ever?"
There is silence at the other end of the line. "Have you? With Nika?"
"Who else?"
"I'll take that as a yes! Who's did whom?"
"Adrien, seriously, I think we've got more important things right now..." Élias takes a deep breath. "Can we get back to the matter now? Philipp’s completely lost. What's happened?"
"If I knew... To be honest, I don't understand it either..."
"Did you say no when he asked for prep?"
"Hell, no! Well, yes, but I didn't mean it like that. Philipp was... he was shaking all over, he didn't want to have sex, he was panicking! I said no because I didn't want to sleep with him in the first place. Not like that! I told him that too, but he suddenly jumped up and ran out of the apartment." I wait for a reaction, but there's silence on the other end of the line. "Élias? Are you still there?"
"Yeah, sorry... I'm just trying to understand what happened... Can I talk to Nika about that?"
"If you think it helps… And that makes two of us. Can you let me know if you have any ideas? No shit, I have no idea whathappened. I thought we were getting closer, that I had a chance, now I don't know anything. I like him... I don't want to lose him."
