That is the price.
"Ring the bell, if no one's home we'll have to think of something else."
Damn, I've drifted off. I quickly press the button with Élias's surname and only a short time later I hear his voice over the intercom.
"Philipp here, I..." I don't get any further because the door buzzes and I can go in.
"Thanks again, honestly, I'd still be sitting there."
The girl smiles. "No problem, take care." And with that, the two turn and walk away.
I turn around and climb the stairs. My hands are getting clammy, what will I say when they ask me what's going on? And Nika will ask. Élias is close with Adrien, maybe he already knows what I did. What a loser I am.
They are both standing in the doorway as I turn the last corner in the stairwell and one look is enough. They know. I'm about to turn back around when Nika runs towards me and grabs my wrist. "Stop! What are you doing? Where are you going? Come in!"
Her hands grip my upper arms firmly. We dance together, I know her touches, they are familiar and associated with something positive, I can relax. My head falls onto her shoulder and I can feel my cheeks getting wet.
"Come with me. We'll talk inside, not here in the stairwell in the middle of the night." Nika never speaks German when Élias is with her, but she does now. Probably because she knows how much her familiar voice in our familiar language reassures me. "Do you want some tea?"
Ten minutes later, we are sitting on the sofa. The offer for tea has turned into coffee, which I much prefer. I'll never forget the look Élias got for even mentioning the word coffee. Little pointed arrows of ice shot out of Nika's eyes, and any normal person would have fled in fear, but Élias just laughed and gave her a kiss on the tip of her nose, asking her, "Rooibos or lemon verbena for you?"
"I’d love Rooibos and thank you."
"No thanks needed." Élias would never tease Nika maliciously, but he loves to provoke her, to tickle reactions out of her.
He can really get his girlfriend going with just one sentence, only to bring her down again with the next. And even if she rolls her eyes every time, the small, mischievous smile reveals that she really enjoys his relaxed attitude.
I'm so happy for them, I really am, but seeing them like this is incredibly painful. How could I have been so stupid as to think I could have that too? Me of all people.
"What happened?" Nika's voice is soft but demanding, nonetheless.
"What do you know?"
"It doesn't matter, I want to hear it from you." No bullshit, I knew it. Shit... talking is so hard. I haven't had anyone to talk to for so long that I don't know how to share my problems anymore.
"We kissed." A grin flits across Nika's face and makes her eyes light up briefly. She has beautiful eyes, piercing blue-gray, but not as extraordinary as Adrien's stormy gray.
"How was it?"
"Nice... very nice, actually." I've never been kissed like that in my entire life. It really felt like... like he liked me. Tears well up in my eyes. Great...
"So why are you here?"
There's no way I can tell them the whole story, but they probably already know from Adrien anyway. I rub my eyes with my sleeve.
"I... Adrien lifted my shirt and I thought he wanted sex and then I got ready... but..." Oh God, this is so embarrassing. Tears well up in my eyes again and I press the heels of my hands into my sockets. "I asked him if he would... if I... if he would stretch me open before... before he went inside me... you know. But he said no."
"What? He wanted to have sex with you without prep?" Élias hears the anger in Nika's voice and asks anxiously what’s going on. With a glance, she gets my permission to translate. "You can't have anal without prep, everyone knows that. Well, you can, but it just hurts."
Yes, everyone who has ever dealt with this subject knows that. Even my ex knew that, he just didn't care. I just wouldn't have guessed that my two straight friends were familiar with anal sex. This realization confuses me so much that I am momentarily distracted by their admission.
"You know your way around?" I try to formulate the question carefully.
"Yes."
"Obviously."
Both answer without hesitation. Okay... "Do you have... anal sex? You don't have to answer that if it's too private!"
