“Here,” I grabbed the bagel from his large, rough hand and the butter from in front of him and helped the guy out.
“Thanks,” he said quietly. “Sorry for the… um, curse.”
I rolled my eyes, “the kid knows them all, also knows not to say them aloud, right?”
Kevin had a sailor’s mouth. One of Canyon’s first words was shit.
“Right!” Canyon said. He laid a little hand on Grey’s muscular shoulder and cocked his head to the side, “So Coach, what was it like playing for the Caps? Me and mom watched a ton of your games, but the Caps were our favorites. We think you played best there. We went once!”
I inwardly groaned. Him knowing we followed his career made me feel self-conscious, but Grey’s face lit up like hearing that made his day. I never brought him up to Canyon, but once he found out for himself that Grey played at the League as a kid, he was automatically his favorite athlete. I think Canyon had put two and two together, realizing that I had skated at the League around the same time as him. But he never guessed at the nature of our relationship and that was fine with me. I think watching Grey play in the NHL gave him a little hope that the dream could actually be real, and I think subconsciously I had allowed Grey to be part of our dream because maybe he had always been part of mine.
“Yeah? You went to a game?” He asked Canyon and turned to look at me. It was my turn to blush in embarrassment.
“It was a fun trip,” I shrugged. I was too self-conscious to look at him in the eye. It would be too telling. I looked away and flinched at the second part of the memory.
We had passed through DC with Kevin on a business trip. Kevin left us at the hotel pretty much the entire weekend, so I figured I’d take Canyon to a game, knowing in the back of my mind that Grey would be on the ice. It started a hell of an argument between Kevin and I, but it was worth it in my mind to give Canyon a fun experience.
“Man, it was great. We sat way high up, but it was a really good game. You got two goals. We went skating at the statue garden place too that trip. It was my birthday. I would skate there all the time if I lived there,” Canyon shook his head seriously. My little son had an incredible memory, and usually I was very proud of it… just not at this moment.
“The statue garden, eh?” Grey looked at me while continuing conversation with Canyon. “Your mom always did love a good outdoor rink.” He winked at me.
It surprised me that he remembered that detail and it caused a ping of sorrow to hit my stomach. We had gone to so many together. That was how he taught me to drive. How could it be that this man was part of so much of my life?
“Oh, she still does, right Mom? When we go to tournaments in other cities, we always try to find an outdoor rink. It’s our thing, Coach. Oh man! Wait! You’ll see now! We goin any good places this season?” Canyon’s words sped up as he got more excited.
I shifted a little uncomfortably. I felt exposed by my little son. I did call it “our thing,” but it was something I always done with Grey before Canyon. I was afraid he’d turn cold at hearing that, but when I sneaked a look at Grey, he looked… excited.
Right then Canyon knocked over the remainder of his chocolate milk when he was gesturing with his hands.
I moved quickly to fix up the spill with the napkins we had. Canyon sucked in a breath and ran to get more napkins, calling out a “Sorry Mom!”
I followed my son with my eyes, not wanting him to stray too far. When I looked back down at the chocolate mess, I noticed some had spilled on Grey.
“Ohmygod, I’m so sorry!” I told him.
He just shook his head and laughed, “totally fine, Juju.”
His use of my old nickname caused me to stop and look up at him.
“I’m so happy you still do that,” he said in a low voice.
His voice caused something in me to stir. I told myself it was just old love. But I felt justified in a way. He would not have remembered that detail if our entire love story was a sham…. He didn’t have to explain what he meant with those words. He was talking about my need to search out outdoor rinks. After I learned to drive, it became my favorite thing to do in cities. I did it on every competition weekend I ever went away for and every tournament I ever went to watch Grey in. As soon as Canyon turned two, I had him on the ice so that he could join me every time we went on a business trip with Kevin. I wanted to share the hidden gem of fun with my son. Kevin never appreciated the beauty and fun of an outdoor rink.
As soon as Canyon was back and the milky mess was cleaned up, we fell into comfortable hockey conversation.
Canyon clearly saw him as larger than life, wanting to know all the inside information on the NHL, and he seemed to want to know just as much about Canyon.
Grey started to loosen up and eventually took his hand out of his hoodie pocket and laid it on the table.
It was no wonder he kept it tucked away, it wouldn’t have been any use. The black cast held his first three fingers in place, so that only his pinky and thumb peaked out.
My heart broke a little knowing that he had beaten himself up over our conversation.
But I also felt a fluttering of hope, which was bad. I told myself I needed to shut it down. Too much had happened between us to go back to what was. I couldn’t confuse the possibility of friendship with something more.
Grey caught me looking at his hand and it seemed he was holding his breath waiting for my reaction.
“Does it hurt?” Canyon asked, breaking the ice.
