He paused for a beat, not taking his eyes off mine.
“Other things hurt worse,” he said softly, causing the fluttering sensation again.
“Like when that Detroit player shoved you into their team box?” Canyon asked while launching his little body at an unsuspecting Grey in a mock check.
Grey almost flew out of his chair, “I’m on the injured list!” He called out while trying to regain his balance.
“That’s it,” Grey said, standing and grabbing up Canyon and flinging him over his shoulder, “Two minutes for charging!”
Taking in the whole scene, I couldn’t stop laughing. Really laughing for the second time today. I decided then that it was a good thing to have these friends back in our lives.
When we finished, Grey walked us out of the diner and to my car.
Canyon quickly crawled into the backseat leaving us to awkwardly face each other. I put my sunglasses on to shield my eyes.
“Jules,” he pulled his hood off and gave me a pleading look. “Can we talk?”
I could see the boy I knew in him at that moment. It would be so easy to just hug him like I used to. To kiss his chest and look up at him, into his dark eyes guarded by the longest eyelashes I’d ever seen. I imagined it would feel so natural, like coming home. He was so large and secure. I fought my desire to do it. I still had questions that stopped me. I couldn’t forget how broken I’d been when he left me. I could never allow myself to be that vulnerable or weak again.
I had Canyon to worry about. He was my first priority now.
But that didn’t stop me from saying, “Yes.”
Relief washed over his tough face.
“Want to come over for pizza? I have a pool. Canyon can play with Smitty and Max?” His eyebrows drew together in question.
My heart beat faster. To see his house and talk with just him… it was something I’d wanted for so long.
“Pool?” I tried to make the words come out normal, but my throat felt tight with anticipation. “Could Canyon bring Troy?”
He smiled then, “Perfect.”
“Want to text me the address and time?” I asked.
He looked at me in indecision then and grimaced. He rubbed the stubble on his chin with his hand.
“Wait here,” he said. He turned and walked back into the diner.
A minute later he reappeared with a napkin that read an address in the handwriting I had long ago memorized: “welcome anytime, but 4 would be perfect.”
I looked at him strangely.
“I’m seriously never texting you any important information ever again,” he said lightly, but his eyes looked serious. He gave me a wink and turned on his heel to walk to his wrangler.
Chapter Thirty-one: Jules- 3 years ago- Washington, D.C.
It was Canyon’s sixth birthday and the two of us were cooped up in this damn hotel room. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes against the rising sun’s light coming in through the shades of the huge suite. We’d already been here three full days. When Kevin suggested we come with him on this business trip I agreed because I thought he wanted to be with his son on his birthday. How pathetic of me for believing that. He was a twisted son of a bitch. I knew he didn’t care about me. But now he was treating Canyon with disdain as well.
This was probably the first birthday he would remember and damn it all if it wasn’t a good memory.
It was decided. I would make it a great day. We were leaving this damn hotel.
He was laying in the hotel bed next to me and I lightly ran my nails through his hair like he loved. His angelic little face dotted with freckles was just coming out of sleep. I loved this little boy more than I’d ever loved anyone. Even more than him… but I would not say his name.
Tonight, I would take Canyon to a Caps game. He loved hockey. He knew practically all the big players and their stats. It was amazing to me how much his little brain remembered. Maybe I could even get a Happy Birthday message written to him on the big screen.
I would just have to swallow my pride over the fact that the boy I previously loved with my whole life would be on the ice in front of us.
