“I swear to God, Mom, you made the rightdecision.”
“If you can fight for a better life,” she says, “then maybe I can, too.”
Well … I’m not exactly a shining example, am I? But I can’t tell her that right now. “Of course you can, Mom. I can help.”
Though I won’t have my paycheck anymore, and if they decide to prosecute me, I could be in a terrible position. A shiver runs down my spine.
Mom nods. “I wondered if I could stay with you for a few days until I can find somewhere to live. I could have gone to CeCe’s, but you know how packed her place is. Do you think that nice man of yours would mind? I could cook and clean for you both?”
Her face wrinkles up in stress, and I’ve seen that expression on her face a thousand times when money was short or I was struggling with homework from school. James isn’t really my guy, is he? And I’m going to have to move out … Fuck, this is such a mess.
“I’ve been asking Jake to leave, but he kept arguing, and then he outright refused, and I thought:Why stay here? This place is a dump. Why don’tyouleave? You can go and live with Sadie.”
Oh, Christ. I glance up at the red brick towering behind her.
“There might be a problem with you staying here, Mom.” I swallow. “There’s actually an issue withmeliving here.”
Her eyebrows rise. “What do you mean?”
I look away down the street. “I lied on my job application to Williams Security. I told them I had a degree from City University. I don’t know why I did it.” My stomach is in my boots. She’ll hate this. I hate this. I’ve let her down. I’ve let myself down.
“Oh, Sadie,” she says, and I can’t bear to look at her face.
“I’m sorry, Mom. You taught me to be better than that. Something just took hold of me when I got to that question on the form. I applied for so many jobs, and I never even got one interview. I know it’s stupid, but I wanted to see if I had that piece of paper, whether it would make a difference. And it did. I got an interview right away.”
Her lips disappear into a thin line and she studies her feet. And her disapproval is like a huge stone in my gut.
“They’ve found out now, so I’m expecting to be fired. Maybe worse.”
She blinks back toward me. “Are you in trouble?”
“It’s possible. I don’t know yet.”
She flaps her hands. I don’t think my mom has disobeyed a rule in her life. “You need to speak to them, say you’re sorry, try to make it right before they take any action against you … Oh my, oh my.”
I pull her into another hug. “I know how bad it is, Mom. I’ll apologize. I’ll talk to them. I’ll straighten it out.”
I’m relieved when she hugs me back, nodding.
“But I can’t stay in this apartment now, clearly.” I sigh as I glance up at the building. “I feel like a leech.”
She pulls back, running a hand over her face. “They’ve been very kind to you. Most employers are not like that.”
I’ve done enough minimum-wage jobs to understand that. You’d think that would help me make smarter choices.
“That night that Jake touched me, I got a bed in a hostel. We could go there for a couple of nights until we can find somewhere to live if you like.”
My mom’s face falls. “You stayed in a hostel? You told me you were staying with a friend!”
This keeps getting worse and worse. But she barrels on.
“How are we going to afford an apartment, Sadie? Rent is at least two and a half grand a month, and that’s almost all of what I make after taxes, and you don’t even know if you still have a job! I got no deposit, neither.”
That’s all true. I struggled to find a computing role without any formal qualifications, but I could aim a bit lower and work my way up. Working downtown has made me realize there are a lot of opportunities in New York. I can do tech—maybe not straight out of the gate at a graduate level, but something related that doesn’t require a degree … And my mom, too. I could help her look for an admin job.
“If we’re both earning, we can afford somewhere, Mom. I’m sure of it. We’ll go over the figures tonight.” I squeeze her hand. “You’re the master at managing a tight budget.”
She gives me a half smile, but the worried creases are still carved in her face.
