Today?What the fuck? “How come?”
“What do you mean, how come?”
“How come you saw Sadie at lunchtime? Did you arrange to meet her or …”
“Oh, I ran into her.”
Ran into her, my ass. “Were you hanging around outside the office?” Jesus, the entire universe has ambushed Sadie in the street at this point.
Silence. “Well, I …”
“You were waiting for her outside?”
“I was waiting for you. I wanted to talk to you.”
Yeah, sure. “What did you say to her?”
“She came out of the doors and I said hello and how worried I was about you, and she said she was, too, ever since you’d tried to jump off the roof of our building!”
Hmm. Sounds like bullshit to me. But I’m wasting time here; Jane’s probably never given me a straight answer in her life. Who knows what’s truth and what’s lies with her, anymore?
But maybe she said something to Sadie about her degree. My heart clenches. God, she’s a troublemaker. And if Sadie thinks I know about that …fucking hell. She loves her job; I can only begin to imagine her panic. Well ... she’ll have gone to her mom’s, no question. I turn toward Fulton Street station. I have no idea how Jane found out I was on the roof of our building, but this whole mess will only be fixed if I find Sadie and tell her I don’t give a shit whether she has a degree or not.
“Jane, I’m just going into the subway. I’ll call you another time,” I say, and I hang up on her.
Chapter 31
Sadie
After running a couple of blocks, I slow to a walk farther up Water Street. I hate lies. Was I so desperate? Yeah, I guess I was. I can still pull up the feeling now. But perhaps I could have come clean, asked them to test my skills, then worked my way up to a full programmer role. I wonder when Jane told him. When he went to help her? My cheeks burn. That’s why he was a bit odd last night and this morning; he knew he was meeting with Jo and Priya to work out their legal position.Christ.
Was he going to fire me today? Am I going to have to compensate the company in some way? Pay back what they’ve paid me?Probably, you idiot.I don’t even want to look it up on my phone. A sick dread worms its way through me as I walk toward the apartment, past the men digging up the street and under the awning for the construction site on the corner of Pine Street. The glass and steel of the towering skyscrapers lean over me like pointing fingers. I pass the clock that’s made up of numbers from 0 to 59 that takes up the whole side of the Starbucks building, counting down like a bomb that’s about to explode. Red for hours, blue for minutes, green for seconds.Colors in code.I’ve lived in Queens all my life, but this feels like my neighborhood already.
My throat tightens. James was avoiding me, wasn’t he? Not only have Ilied at work, but I’ve also told Jane he tried to jump off their roof. Something he told no one, and particularly not her. I wormed my way into his life and his trust, thinking I was his friend and then more, and I’ve taken his faith in me and scorched it to the ground, right after another woman did the exact same thing. He must be cursing my name.
Well, I can’t stay in Des’s apartment now. James is far too nice to ask me to leave. He’ll be measured, reassuring, and understanding. Maybe he’ll even help me find another job, one more suited to someone with no qualifications. He’s that kind of guy. But there’ll be no relationship, no more bike rides or cozy nights watching the baking show.
The queen falls to her knees in the dirt next to her knight, the wound in her chest gaping and bleeding. His face is cold and gray, still in death.
As I cut across the cobbles and past the huge development that’s taking up the block down from the apartment, I gaze up the street. Someone is sitting on the doorstep of Des’s building. I slow down. As I draw closer, I recognize the patterned shirt.
“Mom?”
Her head jerks up.
“What are you doing here?” I look at my watch. “Why aren’t you at work?”
A tatty duffel bag like my own is resting beside her on the stoop.
I glance at the doors behind her.
“That chatty fella in there tried to persuade me to sit in the lobby, but it’s all too fancy in there for me.” She waves a hand behind her, then squints up at me in the afternoon sunshine. “I left Jake,” she says.
My heart takes off like a rabbit out of a trap. I sink next to her on the step and pull her into a hug. “Jesus, Mom, are you okay?”
She huffs into my ear, and I lean back, smiling.
“Been with him a long time. But when he did that to you ...” She trails off.
