“God knows I don’t want you to move out, Sadie, but you can’t live here after that. I’ve put up with him and his nonsense for far too long.” Her eyes swing back to mine. “I’m happy you’ve got yourself out of the projects, Sadie. But I miss you.”
I lean forward and pull her into another hug. “I miss you, too, Mom.”
She leans back to look at me. “You going to report him?”
Report him?When you grow up in a place like this, you often don’t see the police at their best. My mom’s talked about being harassed by them, and I’ve seen it myself—how they deal with people in the projects day in, day out. Some cops are fine, but others treat you like dirt. And you know the other side of the story: people scraping by, living in grinding poverty, someone getting arrested because they’re the guy with the funny eye that no one would hire and they needed to eat. It doesn’t excuse it, but you start to see how lives like that grind people down. Not everyone starts out rotten; some are trapped in a terrible situation or dealt a bad hand before they were even born. Some can’t read or write. Others have no clue how the system works, and no real chance of figuring it out. Then there are people like Jake—an asshole, sure, but not a criminal.At least you don’t think he is, a little voice reminds me.
In the scheme of what they deal with, would the cops even be interested? I can hear the questions now: “Are you sure he wasn’t just brushing past you?” And how would it work anyway? I’d say he touched me, and he’d deny it and say I must have misunderstood.
“What do you think?” I say.
She scowls. “I think he deserves what’s coming to him, that’s what I think. But I’d bet my ass they wouldn’t believe you or care.” She waves an arm around the tiny apartment where I’ve spent so much of my life. “You know what Jamaica Houses is like. They don’t believe no one in this place.”
What if I reported him and he took it out on my mom? She’s caught right in the middle of this. I’ve somehow got to get her safe before I can do anything about Jake, and now I don’t want to tell her about these debts he’sbeen chasing me about because she’ll worry that all our efforts to pull ourselves out of our financial situation count for nothing.
She runs a distracted hand over her hair. “I don’t want to land us in trouble if he’s involved in something more serious around here. Drugs … Maybe I should do some askin’ around.”
“God, Mom, is that safe?”
She shrugs. “Don’t want to be blindsided, Sadie. If he’s involved in something, then it’s a problem whether I ask around or not.”
She’s not wrong. And maybe she’ll find out more about these debts, but I still don’t like it. The other side of living here is that some people are out-and-out criminals, and if Jake’s got himself mixed up in something dangerous, then all bets are off.
Chapter 16
Sadie
The train is almost empty when I head back into the city. Even though my mom clearly doesn’t love Jake, she’s been with him for a reason, and I’ve just rained a load of extra problems down on her head. She’s made so many sacrifices to give me a decent upbringing. Maybe if they don’t fire me when I come clean about my degree and I press on with software, I could support us both. Still, the thought of her having to do some sleuthing with people in the projects … ugh. She always taught me to keep my head down and not go poking around.
When I leave the station, I hitch the weight of my backpack farther up my back. I picked up as many extra books from my mom’s that I could fit in, including my old set ofThe Lord of the Ringswith the fold-out mapsmy mom found at a garage sale. The streets are dark and sultry with the late-night heat of the summer. I hope James has gone to bed. I’m not sure I could fend off a load of questions tonight, and he has an uncanny knack of getting me to spill all my secrets.
The apartment is in darkness when I let myself in through the front door, and I pad through to the open-plan kitchen for some water.
“Good night with your mom?” a voice asks from the shadows.
“Arrghh!” I almost jump out of my skin.
“Sorry, sorry,” James says, and I can just make out his head and curlsabove the back of the couch from the light coming in from the windows behind him. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I press my hand to my thumping heart. “What are you doing sitting here in the dark?”
“Thinking. I started on a sci-fi marathon with Mr. Karen,Dune: Part OneandDune: Part Two, but I don’t think he was too impressed with the gigantic worms.”
Grabbing a glass from the cupboard, I fill it from the tap and then walk over to where he’s slumped on the couch. I can just make out the shape of a bottle and another drink on the coffee table as I lower myself beside him and set mine down.
“What time did you get home?” I say.
“A couple of hours ago. I’m really sorry about how drunk I was yesterday,” he adds quietly.
“Gah, don’t be. You’re allowed to let off steam every now and again. Sounds like Jane was trying to impose all sorts of stuff on you. It’s your life.”
“Yeah,” he says, nodding.
I glance at my watch—11 p.m. My eyes scud over the bottle and his drink. “Rough day?”
He lets out a long sigh and then leans over and turns on the light on the side table. His face is pale.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for this,” he mumbles, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees, then rubbing his eyes behind his glasses.
