“Cut out for what?”
“Leading a team.”
A hoarse laugh catches in the back of my throat. He’s joking, isn’t he?
“I completely lost my temper with a couple of the guys today. They’ve implemented something that’s fucked up a whole load of the software. I don’t know why they wrote it the way they did. Maybe they misunderstood. Perhaps they weren’t briefed correctly. Whatever. It’s going to make us late on delivery and … I don’t want to deliver an important upgrade late, right after I take over the team.” He glances over his shoulder at me. “Christ, I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.”
“How about we have a pact that what gets discussed in the apartment stays in the apartment?”
His eyes flicker over my face. “Sounds sensible.”
The fridge in the kitchen clicks and hums in the quiet, and for a staticky beat, I imagine having a nice, easy, fridge-life.
The girl’s code pulls in air, cools it, and pumps it out again, as she hums to herself.
“Des always seemed to handle things with the team so graciously,” he adds, leaning back next to me against the cushions again.
I snort. “He was always losing his temper, James.”
“But most of the time he didn’t. I mean, he was lively and excitable but …” He trails off. “I stayed late to dig into how bad this problem might be and how much time it might take us to put it right. It’s weeks of work. And I’ll need to do it, because no one else understands the low-level language in the phones like I do.”
“Shit.”
He shakes his head, picks up his glass from the table, and takes a sip.
“Can’t you teach some of us, James?” I add. “You can’t run interference on the software alongside running the team and the company as well when Jo goes on maternity leave.”
“I know. But it’s a huge job to bring everyone up to speed.”
“I’d be happy to learn.”
His eyes slide toward me, and he gives me a half smile.
“I love working at Williams Security,” I say. “I’d work on anything you wanted me to.”
He stretches out his hand and takes hold of mine, giving it a gentle squeeze before putting our hands together on his thigh, and I stare down at my hand under his.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re amazing?” he says.
No. I don’t think so, except perhaps my mom, and she’s biased. “I know it doesn’t solve the problem, but …” I trail off as I shift back so I’m leaning against the back of the couch like he is. I can’t put any space between us because my hand is still locked beneath his, so I’m tucked along his side, his smooth palm on the back of my hand. hand. His thigh is rock hard, and every inch of him is touching me from shoulder to elbow. I’ve never sat so close to James, pressed into him like this. I suck in a deep breath as he squeezes my fingers.
“It’s helpful to chat about it,” he says.
My heart flutters like a trapped bird. Maybe I’m not totally useless in this fancy-ass downtown apartment. I’m not sure I’m helping with whatever’s going on with him and Jane, but perhaps I can contribute more to the company and listen to him talk.
“How were things with your mom?” he adds.
Crap.He’s just told me about his problems with work and … and … my eyes start to go tight, and I blink rapidly at the bottle on the table.
“Uh …”
“Was your stepdad there?” he adds.
I shake my head. “He’s an asshole,” I say.
“He seemed like one when I met him, if I’m being honest. And after that, too.” His eyes skim over my cheek. The bruise has all but gone now.
But even though Jake is an asshole, he’s pretty harmless compared to a lot of the people in the projects. People who live ordered lives with kind people around them—who aren’t sick or broke or shut out by a lack of qualifications—don’t really get it. Don’t understand what it’s like to spend every day paddling like crazy just to keep things from sliding farther downhill. It’s funny what you become used to, what slowly starts to feel normal. Jake’s inappropriate comments, his laziness, and the way he uses our money, all feel normal to me. It’s only now that I’m away from it that I can see how wrong it is. Did I do the right thing telling my mom that he touched me? I’ve got a terrible feeling I didn’t.
