“I’m soaked, beautiful. Give me a second.”
“Please. Just get into bed naked. I don’t want to be on my own.”
Shame burned through me; I couldn’t do that, but I didn’t want her to be any more upset than she already was.
I opened my mouth to tell her I would be quick, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“Roll on your side. Let me snuggle in behind you and warm you up.”
I shed my jumper and t-shirt and then my joggers before I scooted under the covers. I thought I could leave my underwear on and put up with the damp feeling, but within seconds, the uncomfortable way they stuck to me made me realise that wasn’t happening.
My pulse thrummed in my ears and my palms grew clammy as I peeled them off and dropped them to the floor, where I could reach them if I needed to get back up.
I lay down next to Helen, pulling her back against my chest.
“It hurts,” she whispered.
“I know. It will. He was your friend.”
“It doesn’t feel real.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks.
I stroked my fingers up and down her arm, her skin feeling warmer now. “When Mum died, I kept expecting her to walk back in. I think that only stopped when we moved.”
Helen rolled onto her back and I propped my chin onto my fist so I could look down on her, trying to resist the urge to kiss away her tears because I wanted her to be able to express how she felt in front of me.
“I know your mum died of cancer, but I don’t know much else. It must have been so hard. You were so young.”
I closed my eyes as memories of what felt like a separate life broke through the wall I’d hidden them behind all these years.
“Tell me about her,” Helen murmured, making me open my eyes. I’d not talked about my past to anyone and maybe thiswas the start I needed to be able to open up to her about… well, everything.
“Things were pretty normal until I was about eleven. As you know, only child, school teacher mum, Dad ran the local church. It was all I’d ever known. Just after my birthday, I came home to find them both in tears. Mum explained that she was ill. They didn’t tell me she had ovarian cancer or that it was stage 4 and had already spread to her liver and her lungs. They didn’t mention the aggressive treatment she’d have to have. It was only when she started throwing up daily and her hair fell out by the handful that they sat me down and told me the whole truth. She died three weeks later.” Helen let out a sad sigh as she listened.
“Dad changed the moment she was diagnosed; everything became about sin and how we brought this damnation on ourselves. He’d make me pray with him over her for hours. She’d cry and tell him to stop, to let me be. She begged him to promise that he’d let me live a normal life. The sicker she got, the more we prayed and the more he tried to highlight our ‘sins’ that had led to her illness.” I dragged my hand over my face. “He even tried to blame her; her sin before they got together.”
I lay my head down, swallowing down my feelings like I always did when I thought about the bastard that I called my father. Helen didn’t say a word, giving me space to unpack my words before I continued.
“My sin apparently caught up with me when I was fifteen, which was why we left.” I sniffed back a tear. “And while mine didn’t kill me like it did Mum, I have to live with it for the rest of my life. And my wonderful father liked to remind me of that every day after we left until the day I moved out.”
“Jax,” she whispered, bringing her lips to mine. “I’m so sorry you went through that. Your dad was wrong. The way he treated your mum, the way he treated you, ripping you away from your home and your friends.”
“It’s why I came back. I felt like my life here was so unfinished, but now I wonder if everything had to happen so I’d get to be with you.”
Her mouth curled into a small smile. “That might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m sorry. You have your own sadness to deal with tonight. You don’t need to listen to my shitty life story too.”
“I want to hear about your past. There isn’t anything you couldn’t say to me. You know that, right?”
I huffed out a short laugh. “Thank you, beautiful, but there are some things I can’t even say to myself.”
Chapter 26
Jax
I woke late, Helen’s side of the bed was not only empty but cold, telling me she’d been gone a while. I glanced at my watch, noticing it was after 10 am, which was probably the latest I’d ever slept. Pulling back the covers, I cursed, realising I was still naked, and then the panic kicked in.
Did Helen leave because she saw me like this?
