Kari moved slower, giving himself a moment, going to the side of the bed next to the chair and sitting, ensuring they weren’t touching. Inhaling a deep breath, hoping it would resolve the flutter of nerves taking flight inside him, he released it and waited for Bowie to speak.
“I… you… see I…” Bowie ran his hands through his hair and gave him a beseeching look.
“Take a deep breath, see if that helps. I promise I won’t be mad at whatever you want to talk about.”
Bowie did as he was told. “I know you won’t.”
Those quiet words helped to ease Kari’s anxiety, but it still didn’t explain what Bowie wanted. “You’re right. I’ll never be cross with you, baby—Bowie.” Kari resisted rolling his eyes at the ease with which he forgot himself.
“I like babycakes… a lot.” Bowie looked at his hands in his lap, fingers twisting together. “You… I’ve been thinking about youbeing a ‘daddy’,”—he peeked up at him—“the way you are with me… all the time… you were being a daddy to me, weren’t you?”
He didn’t sound sure, but, fuck, he was brave.
“Yes. Yes, I was. It comes naturally when I’m with you. I hope it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. I would really hate that.”
Bowie shook his head, color perfusing his cheeks until they were bright rosy-red, like two apples.
“No… it never felt bad. I… I’ve been thinking over everything. About all the things you do for me. Even before you moved in here. But since then, there’s all the things I like you doing for me… with me… things I liked before… before you made them seemnormal.Am I a little?” he whispered, his eyes dipping away before coming back a second later, full of uncertainty.
Normal.It was hard to hear him say it like he wasn’t. Clearly Bowie considered his behavior could be considered ‘not normal’.
“Would it be too much to lift you and put you on my knee? I could really do with a cuddle while we discuss this.”
One-two-three seconds later, Bowie nodded, lifting his arms with hesitation. “I’m heavy.”
“You are such a good boy.” Kari couldn’t stop himself from saying it as he rose and put his hands under Bowie’s arms, lifting him clear off the chair. He swung around. “You’re not too heavy for me to lift, Babycakes. Why don’t you tuck your legs around my middle, cross your ankles and sling your arms around my neck?”
When he did, Kari sat back on the edge of the bed. Face to face, Kari resisted the urge to kiss the trembly lips as Bowie moved his bottom, scooting closer. There was the scent of bubble-gum shampoo and something sweet.
“Want to snuggle while we talk?” Kari asked softly.
Bowie leaned in to rest his head on Kari’s shoulder, his face pressing into the curve of Kari’s neck. Kari ran a hand up and down his back until Bowie’s breathing steadied. “I want tostart by saying that what you believe about yourself is what’s important here. There doesn’t need to be a label attached to it. You can just do things that make you feel good. The reason I brought up about me being a daddy was so that there would be no misconceptions between us if you agreed to dating. That you know what a daddy-boy relationship is helps. I do not want to push you into something that doesn’t feel right for you. I need you to understand that I’ll never pressure you because I like a certain thing. That’s why maybe labelling yourself right now isn’t important.”
Head up, Bowie stared at him with worry. “I don’t think you’re pushing me. I read up some more and… and you are a nurturer. I see that.” He released a shuddery breath. “And I think… I might be a boy who enjoys being little.”
Bowie buried his face in Kari’s neck, so Kari hugged him closer, continuing the soothing back rubbing until he relaxed fully against him.
“You’re being so brave right now.” Kari needed to be as well. “Would you like to explore what this means to you… with me?”
The nod was immediate.
“I need the words, Babycakes. Communication is important in these types of relationships, so there is no misunderstanding. You need to know that if something doesn’t feel good to you, that you can confidently say it aloud. I need to know you can do that for me.”
A put-upon sigh had Kari struggling to contain a smile.
“Yes, I want to explore this with you. But…”
“Talk to me,” Kari prompted when Bowie didn’t say more and fidgeted on his lap.
“Can we do this…” Kari tweaked Bowie’s chin to get him to lift so he could see him when there was such uncertainty, and he could assess why. “And not tell anyone while I figure out if this is what I want?”
“I just need you to be honest with me. Is this because of something that happened between you and Rex? I sense there is more to what went down than what you’ve mentioned.”
Bowie released a noisy exhale, a look of resignation and pain causing Kari to stiffen.
“He ridiculed me. Said I was a pathetic baby. That he didn’t know how he faked liking me for so long. He was cheating on me and that hisactual boyfriendwas gorgeous and not a ridiculous person with teddy bears hidden in the bedroom. He said Imade him sick,” he finished on a sob, tears coursing down his cheeks. “Like I was sick for having and liking bears.”
Kari wiped the tears as they fell, giving himself a moment to stop the anger burning in his gut from spilling out. Bowie didn’t need his anger. What Kari held on to was that Rex hadn’t spoiled the opportunity for Bowie to explore a different side of himself.
