"Maybe," she said, "So, what brings you here tonight?"
"I want to make sure we're on the same page about tomorrow's plan," I said, though we both knew that wasn't the reason.
"I thought we were clear after reviewing it ten times this week," she replied with a half-smile. "I made plans with my family to be as far away from the party as possible, while you will try to keep Jeremy as busy as possible. What more do we need?"
"Ummm... nothing, I think we are good then." I looked up at the ceiling, as if it was going to give me the next question I could ask Lily. I didn't have a specific reason to be here tonight; I just didn't want to be alone.
"Are you sure you want to go to the party?"
I had told Lily that I had plans to go to Oliver's house on Saturday. I didn't want to hide anything from her anymore about what was going on in my life, and I wanted her to be able to trust that I would keep everything under control, no matter what.
"Yes, totally sure," I replied. And it was true. Despite everything that could happen, my presence at Oliver’s house was the best way to make sure that neither Jeremy nor Leo went without me noticing. Besides, I didn't want to keep letting myfriends down. I understood Lily's concern about not being able to control Jeremy's actions if I wasn't by his side, but it was the only thing I could do for the time being if he didn't want me around that day.
"Are you as nervous as I am?" she asked quietly.
"A little, yes."
To my surprise, she reached over and took my hand, threading our fingers together. The gesture was so unexpected, so tender, that it nearly undid me completely. Her hand was smaller than mine, softer, and the way she held on like I was her lifeline made my chest tight with emotion.
"I still can't watch horror movies alone," she confessed, and I loved knowing how saying random facts about us was our thing now when there was nothing else to say. It made me feel like she cared about getting to know me, even though she didn’t want to admit it. "Even though I'm technically twenty-eight and should be over it by now. I tried once last year and ended up sleeping with all the lights on."
"I can cook pretty well now," I replied. "Nothing outrageously extravagant, but enough to keep me from starving."
"I'd love to try your cooking."
"No, you wouldn't like it."
She laughed briefly, but then became serious again. "Do what you can tomorrow," she whispered, "But don't feel like the entire burden of what happens falls on you. Whatever happens... I promise I won't blame you this time."
I hesitated, staring at our intertwined hands.
"It's not just about tomorrow," I admitted. "It's my parents. I keep trying to fix them, every word they say, every argument that starts. I thought that if I could just... do things differently this time, maybe they'd finally work out. But nothing changes. No matter what I do, they still look at each other like strangers waiting for the right excuse to leave."
Lily stayed quiet for a moment. When she spoke, her voicewas soft but certain. "You can't rebuild a bridge if the people on both sides have already stopped walking toward each other."
I frowned slightly, and she turned to face me.
"Sometimes," she continued, "we waste years trying to fix things that were never ours to fix. Parents. Friends. People we love. We think if we love them enough, if we hold them tightly enough, we can stop them from breaking. But people don't heal through control, Kyle. They heal through choice. And sometimes, their choice is to walk away."
I wanted to believe her, but the thought of doing nothing, of watching everything fall apart again, hurt. "So what am I supposed to do then? Just watch them ruin everything?"
Her gaze softened. "No. Be there. That's all. Be the one person who doesn't pick a side, who doesn't add more noise. You can't make them stay, but you can remind them what kindness looks like when everything else feels like war."
Her words settled over me like a quiet truth I'd known all along but never wanted to face. "I guess I just thought… if I tried harder, things would be different this time.
"You tried," she said. "That's already more than most people ever do. But at some point, you have to stop trying to save people from their own choices, and start saving yourself from drowning with them."
And that was exactly what Aria and I were doing right now, drowning with them because we couldn't accept that they were so bad. Maybe the answer was not keeping the peace in the house, but letting they know their mess was also affecting us.
I looked at her, really looked, and realized that she wasn't just talking about my parents. She was talking about herself, too. About all the things we both wished we could undo.
I squeezed her hand gently. "You sound like you've done this before."
She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Maybe I have."
"I won't let you down," I whispered, meaning it with every fiber of my being. "Tomorrow, or ever again. I promise." I wish this promise were within my control, but we both knew it wasn't just up to us.
"Just promise me one more thing." She replied.
