“Not mine. Selene’s,” I admitted, and they both looked surprised. Luke immediately realized the gravity of the problem and blanched.
He rubbed his chin, thinking about what to do.
“Okay. So…do you have the computer with you?”
“No. I broke it,” I said. “I do have her phone, though, with all her passwords for socials and email.” My first instinct had been to save her from being part of that depraved show and protect her from the spying eyes of a lunatic. But I hadn’t thought through the wrathful gesture. I’d cut off her connection to the digital world to protect her, but I’d also left her alone with no ability to text or even call me. And I was worried about her.
Not hearing from her was making me antsy.
“Alright, see you tonight at six at my place, then,” Luke said.
* * *
When I got back home, I did nothing but dwell on what had happened.
My head was spinning with dark, paranoid thoughts.
It was my fault, mine alone.
I had done everything possible to push Selene away from me, and at first, it appeared to be working. Then, like an absolute dumbfuck, I relapsed.
Thoughts of her tormented me every day. The women I passed time with meant nothing; I needed them exclusively to maintain some psychological balance. But no matter who was underneath me, I was always having sex with my Babygirl.
My body only responded normally to physical stimuli when I was with her, and not just when it came to arousal. It was about urges, cravings, wants, and hungers—feelings I couldn’t contain—and that was what made me climax exclusively with her. It was as though she could reach into my soul and calm it with a touch.
When I was with Selene, I was a different…me.
And Player had realized that; along with my siblings, she was one of the most important people in my life. That was why he’d singled her out for attack again. I passed my tongue over my bottom lip, the one I’d bitten into to vent my stifled rage, and recalled her kiss, the sweet taste of her on my tongue.
Even when we were far apart, I could sense Selene all around me. I could smell her coconut scent on the air and feel her slim hands trying to soothe the worst of me, to render it tame and lead it back into its cage.
I saw her ocean eyes washing over my body with longing and her slender fingers tracing the lines of my muscles as if they were erasers that could banish every single wound.
I felt her everywhere, but most of all, I felt her inside of me.
And I, selfish as I was, wanted more.
I wanted to tear her clothes off with my teeth.
Leave more bruises on her pale skin.
Sink deep inside her and feel her heart beating in sync with mine.
I was firmly convinced that sex without love was a more powerful force than love itself.
It was an alchemy of the mind, understanding, consuming passion, and union.
I had been subjected to a distorted version of love when I was ten years old.
It was impossible now for me to love.
Those who had never known rape or abuse didn’t know shit about it.
I chuckled at the irony.
I liked using Selene, and I liked being used by her in return.
I thought back on that moment when I’d slid in between her full lips, how she serviced me with innocent boldness, and I trembled.
