Oh. Holy. Swoon. My breath and my heart catch in the same part of my throat. His earnest expression and imploring eyes tell me he means it. If I’d had any lingering doubts, I’m now completely certain I made the right decision taking a risk on him.
“I’ve only been in one serious relationship,” he continues. “Watching my parents over the last three decades would be enough to put just about anyone off the idea. Between my parents and my one previous experience with love, I’ve learned what Idon’twant from a relationship, along with hownotto act. Whatever you’re going through, whatever worries you have, I want to be here for you.”
I place my free hand over our already-joined ones and lean forward, resting my chin on my knuckles. Soft, warm lips press against my forehead. I close my eyes, anchoring myself in this moment. “Thank you.”
When I open my eyes, I catch movement in my periphery. Don approaches the table cautiously, and I sit back, welcoming him with a smile. After placing our orders, we fall into easy conversation while we wait and then as we begin to eat. The initial discomfort and uncertainty of being together has completely disappeared and we’ve returned to the ease we experienced on our first three encounters.
There are subtle differences now, though. When I touch Kieran, it’s not platonic or professional. It’s because I want to and I can. This really is going to take some getting used to. It’s been ages since I dated and even longer since I had a boyfriend. During my time working for Human Touch Companions, I grew accustomed to platonic touch. It’s like I shut off the part of my brain that allowed me to think of anything in a sensual or sexual way. But I can’t—and I don’t want to—deny the zing I feel every time Kieran’s hand brushes mine or I catch him watching me with those soulful eyes. Unlike the other times we were together, I don’t try to squash the butterflies that take flight whenever he touches me or when he leans in and his sexy, accented voice washes over me.
“I know most people don’t like to talk about exes, especially in the beginning, but my mind keeps going back to you saying you’d been in love once. What happened?” I spear a cheese ravioli on my plate, eyes trained on it instead of Kieran. When he doesn’t respond, I glance up to find him watching me.
“Her name was Aileen. We met in our early twenties when I was working for my dad. She was a bartender at a pub down the street. She was sweet and funny…at least at first. I fell hard. Long tale short, turns out she wanted an in at my dad’s company. Her true colors started to show and I realized she was using me.” He pushes the remainder of his chicken parm around on his plate before setting his fork down.
“I understand what you meant when you said you were afraid to risk having your heart broken,” he continues. “Aileen wasn’t only careless with my heart, she fucked with my mind too. When I finally caught on and ended things, I knew the experience could lead to trust issues, but I refused to let it happen. For the most part, anyway. I’ve dated here and there since, but I knew if I were ever to be serious with someone again, it would have to be the right person.”
His gaze drifts away, his eyes taking on a faraway look.
“What are you thinking?”
“I…” He stops, releasing a long sigh. Apprehension tightens my stomach as several seemingly endless seconds pass before he speaks again. “I don’t want to seem as if I’m issuing an ultimatum so shortly after our reunion and before things have even truly begun with us. But I need you to know if we’re actually going to move forward and be together, I’m all in. I know you have some things you’re dealing with, and I understand your original reasons for pushing me away and deciding we shouldn’t be together. But those reasons are moot now. If we’re to be together, we need to trust one another. Know we have each other’s backs. I can’t wonder if you’re going to get spooked and push me away. You’re not the only one putting their heart on the line.”
Our eyes are locked and I’m caught in the depths of his. His words roll around in my head as his beseeching gaze trails over my face. He’s right: I’m not the only one putting their heart on the line. He’s been hurt too, and he’s willing to open up to me, to trust me. I’ve been afraid to get close to anyone for so long. Afraid of depending on someone else. Afraid of exposing my raw, bruised heart, especially while I’m in a state of both grief and limbo.
I can do this. Iwantto do this. I can get over my fears and reservations because I want Kieran in my life.
“I’m all in too,” I say softly.
He releases a long breath that ends in a laugh. The relieved sound of it makes me smile. I lift up from my seat and lean across the table to kiss him.
A server comes to clear our plates, followed shortly by Don offering us coffee or tea and dessert. I suggest we get something to go; I’m ready to be alone with Kieran.
“I miss your milky tea,” I tell Kieran. “I’ve tried to replicate it dozens of times in the last few weeks, but it always tastes like dirty dishwater to me.”
He smiles knowingly. “It’s all about the type of milk you use. I can drink it with any milk because I’ve been accustomed to the taste practically since birth, but it’s best with whole milk. That’s what I used when we had tea together.”
“Wholemilk. I don’t usually keep milk on hand, but I used my roommate’s milk and she drinks skim.”
He scrunches his nose and curls his lip. “That explains it. That’d essentially be like adding water to water.” He finishes the last of his beer and leans on the table. “You’ll have to depend on me from now on to make your milky tea.”
“I see lots of cups of tea in our future.”
“And more nights like this?”
“And more nights like this,” I agree. “And maybe in the spirit of do-overs, we can have dinner in the school cafeteria again. Kitty will be thrilled.”
He reaches for my hand and I lace my fingers with his. “I’ll go anywhere and do anything with you, Sunshine.” He lifts our hands and kisses the back of mine.
“In that case, maybe we could go back to your place and have dessert with some milky tea?” I suggest. “I’d say we could go to my place, but Celia will be there and we’d have to field a million questions before we could be alone.”
“Plus you don’t have the right milk for milky tea. So my place it is.”
On the drive to Kieran’s house, he keeps his hand firmly on my upper thigh as I drive. The possessiveness of it gives me a thrill. It also makes me wonder if he’s subconsciously holding on to me because he’s afraid I’ll leave again. I hate that I ever made him doubt me.
When I pull up in front of his house and cut the engine, I cover his hand with one of mine and reach for him with the other. Gripping the lapel of his denim jacket, I pull him toward me. Our lips mash together from the force of our momentum, but soon we’ve moved into soft, explorative kisses.
I meant it when I told Kieran I’m all in. This is still new and moving fast, but one important thing I’ve learned recently is some rules—self-imposed or otherwise—are meant to be broken. Like, for instance, the rules society puts on women who are comfortable with their bodies and enjoy sex.Thosetypes of ‘rules’ can go straight to hell.
Moving my hands to his chest, I push Kieran far enough away so I can meet his eyes. “Remember how last night you said you don’t normally kiss girls you just met?” He nods, brows drawing together in confusion. “Well,Idon’t normally have sex on the first date…” I look at him meaningfully, hoping I won’t have to articulate the fact I’m no longer interested in tiramisu and milky tea. At least not tonight.
“Y-you do remember what my room looks like, yeah?” he asks. “And that I have a tiny single bed?”
“Well, we could think of it as tinyorthink of it as…intimate.”
The word hangs between us for a moment before a smile flashes over Kieran’s face. “I like intimate.” He leans in again, pressing his lips to mine, flicking his tongue over the seam of my mouth and pulling back before I can deepen the kiss. My eyes drift shut when he rubs his nose against mine. His voice is barely a whisper as he says, “And I likeyou, Meredith Cormier. My sunshine girl. Let’s go to bed.”
