“Thank you,” I said softly, turning that information over in my mind. I wasn’t sureIbelieved her, either, but I kind ofwantedto right now.
I liked the idea of my aura matching Devin’s. The thought that in this one way we were maybe meant for each other.
But then it was entirely possible she was saying that because she thought we were together, and they weresupposedto match. I wasn’t clear on how it worked.
“C’mon, Chris and Alex just got here,” Marta said, grabbing Devin’s arm and hauling him up off the bed. “You can nap when you’re dead.”
“But I wanna napnow,” Devin complained, even as he got up and stretched.
“You can if you want to,” I said, standing as well, ready to put my foot down if Devin really was tired and needed a break. I didn’t think Marta meant any harm—I didn’t think she’d ever meant any harm in her entire life—but I didn’t want her pushing Devin into something he didn’t want to do, either.
“I’m okay,” Devin said, slipping his hand into mine and just about making my heart stop in the process.
I stared at him, feeling his fingers against my own, warm and solid and real. I’d seen Devin’s hands a million times and not thought about them much before now, but they were—or at least, the left one was—suddenly the most important thing in the entire goddamn world.
“Okay,” I forced out, hoping I didn’t sound as hoarse as I felt.
“Come on,” Marta tugged his other hand, making him grip mine tighter as we all headed for the door. “People to meet, everyone’s excited about your new boyfriend.”
New boyfriend.
New boyfriend.
That was what I’d signed up to be, but hearing it aloud like that made it all soreal.
I knew it was fake. Devin knew it was fake. Marta knew it was fake. But no oneelsedid, and they were out there, and… and…
“I have to go grab something from the van,” I said, tearing my hand away from Devin’s and ignoring the way my heart lurched at his furrowed brow and softly-questioning eyes. I couldn’t do this. Icouldn’t.
I was gone before anyone else could question it, making a beeline for the back of the van and throwing the doors open, knowing I’d be hidden there.
The whole thing rocked as I sat heavily in the back, suspension creaking under the weight. My heart pounded so hard it was deafening.
Don’t panic, don’t panic.
I hadn’t had a panic attack inyears, but I was right on the verge of one now, and that was thelastthing I needed. Devin didn’t need to see that, and people would realize I was missing and come looking for me in just a few minutes, and—
“Hey.”
Devin.
I looked up to see him poking his head around the van door, worry written in every line of his face.
I swallowed. What was I going to tell him?
It was too late to back out now without embarrassing him. If I left, even if he never told anyone the truth, what would they think? What emergency could be so important that I’d abandon my sweet, pretty, affectionate boyfriend in the middle of nowhereandpractically on the eve of an important competition, but notsoserious that they never heard about it again?
Julie, at least, lived in Slow Falls and didn’t know what was going on. Would word get back to the others?
I didn’t want to make Devin’s life hard, but I couldn’t even get my breathing under control right now.
Devin sat down next to me and took my hand again—the other one, this time—without saying a word.
We sat like that for what was probably thirty seconds, but felt like hours while I struggled to come up with something to say.
“It’s okay,” Devin murmured, taking the pressure off me, brushing his thumb over the back of my hand. “You don’t have to stay.”
Dammit. Was Ithatobvious?
