Felix
What the fuckwas Idoing?
Aside from tripping over my own feet in the dark on the way back to the cabin—which was bad enough, and not something I would’ve done without Kieran—I’d offered to…
To do…
Thething. The thing where he tested out how he really felt about boys with me, because I was safe and his friend and I’d never tell a soul if he didn’t want me to.
And he’d saidyes.
That was the part I couldn’t get over. I’d made this ridiculous suggestion and Kieran hadagreed.
“Almost there,” he promised in front of me.
I tightened my grip on his shirt and took a deep breath, remembering the steep slope we’d climbed up to get on the trail in the first place.
If he fell, he’d take me down with him, but he was the one least likely to fall.
That might’ve been some kind of metaphor for how this whole situation was.
Kieran was experimenting. I’d loved him since we were teenagers.
And it wasn’t the same as lovingthisKieran, this adult Kieran who’d lived half his life without me, but…
Broken heart and everything, I was still more likely to fall.
A fallen branch or a tree root orsomethingI couldn’t see in the dark caught my foot, making me stumble forward, crashing into Kieran’s back.
He turned, catching me before we both tumbled to our deaths, and I suddenly had him pinned against a trunk, panting like my lungs were on fire. I didn’t want to look anywhere else, take stock of how close I’d come to falling and breaking my neck, so I was left staring at Kieran in the last of the light.
It was barely enough to see him by—all I could make out were the shadows of his face, deep and dramatic with only his lowered phone and two minutes of sunlight left—but I couldn’t help staring, anyway.
This? This was why I’d offered. He was stunning, and it felt so good to be near him, and I wanted to keep kissing him.
“Thought we were taking it at my pace?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Sorry,” I murmured, tightening my grip on his shirt and trying not to love the way his solid chest felt under ittooobviously.
The thing was, Kieran washot. This wasn’t a hardship for me.
I should have beenthrilledthat he wanted to make out. Ormore. If I was smart, I could collect enough sexy memories to last me through a year of not hooking up with anyone.
This totally didn’t count for the purposes of my New Year’s resolution. It wasn’t about me, I wasn’t doing it because I was lonely and needed attention. I was doing it because Kieran needed me.
Really, it was extremely noble of me to offer up my body like this to help out a friend.
If I got off on it, that was just a perk of doing a good deed.
“Kidding,” Kieran said, back to his usual, open, playful self. At least, Iassumedthat was his usual self.
There was so much I needed to re-learn about him and I felt like I’d barely scratched the surface. But he’d still come to me with this huge thing, with all this trust.
Did I deserve it? After all this time?
I’d never betray him, but how didheknow that?
“C’mon,” he said, curling his hand around mine again. I was really starting to love holding hands with him—it’d been so long since I’d held hands withanyonethat I’d forgotten how nice it was, how quietly intimate it felt. “You’re cold,” he added, concerned.
