Ashley wearing abackpack next to his heavily-pregnant mom, grinning at the camera.First dayof school.
“They changeafter this,” Grandma tapped on the photo. “After Maisie. I don’t think… I don’tthink theymeantit, I think Lily needed help, inhindsight. Maisie became the only thing she cared about. She might as wellnever have had a son. Ashley… Ashley became mine, over that summer,and I promised myself I’d give him everything I could.”
So it wasn’tbecause he was gay. It’d started earlier than that.
But then, beinggay couldn’t have helped, just like my report cards full of Bs and Cs couldn’thave helped.
A lot of photoshad Maisie in them after that, and then as time wore on there were no photosjustof Ashley at all. Maybe it didn’t mean anything, but knowing everythingelse I knew, I was starting to form a picture of what Ashley’s life had reallybeen like.
Ashley holdinghis baby sister, Ashley pushing her on the swing, Ashley helping her with amouthful of birthday cake while her arm was in a cast. There was a big 13 onthe cake, and that had to be Ashley’s age in this photo.
But then thealbum switched gears again and it was all Ashley, but never his grandma.Because she was the one taking them, I realized.
Ashley duringdance lessons, Ashley with a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth, Ashleywearing the ugliest Christmas sweater I’d ever seenwith a huge grin on his face. I supposed it had just about enough glitter on itto make him happy.
Seventeen-year-oldAshley stared back at me from the next page, all dressed up for prom. I reachedout unconsciously, remembering the story he’d told me abouthis asshole boyfriend.
“That was thefirst night he got his heart broken,” Grandma said. “From the look on yourface, I’m guessing you know.”
“Yeah. Ran intoMike in town,” I said. “I… might’ve… told him I was Ashley’s boyfriend.”
“Good. That boydeserves as many kicks in the pants as he can get.”
“It won’t getAshley in trouble?”
Grandma shookher head. “Not unless Mike decides he’s not enjoying happily married life.”
I nodded,brushing my fingers over Ashley’s pretty face. The photo was more thana decade old—he’d grown into his frame, his cheekbones were twice as dramatic,and he wore a suit like a second skin now, but this was a sweet picture.
“I dropped outbefore prom,” I said, smiling wryly. “Do you think… would it be okay if I tooka picture of this? Of him?”
Grandma pushedthe album over to me. “All yours,” she said, grabbing both ofour now-empty mugs as she rose, taking them over to the sink to rinse them.
I took a quickpicture of the photo, smiling at it one last time before flicking through thelast few pages. Ashley with his friends, Ashley in drag, grinning like he washaving the best day of his life in every single one.
I closed thealbum with a thump, my stomach tight. He’d been happy. I’dshowed up in his life during maybe the worst time of it, and he’d still openedhis heart up to me.
What must hehave been like when he washappy? Really happy, without worrying aboutany of this?
Seeing thatwould have been incredible, but I’d shown up too late.
“Hey, umm,” Ispoke up as Grandma took the album away and put it back where it belonged. “Ashleyhad a box of stuff from his stalker that I, umm… hid in my car when he waspacking. I didn’t want him to hold onto it here, I figured I’d put it instorage in my place so if he ever needed it he could get his hands on it, but I’mthinking maybe it’d be better if you had it. That is, uh. If you don’t mind?”
“I’ll take it,”Grandma said. “You were right to keep it back. The last thing he needs is a boxfull of hate sitting on his dressing table.”
I nodded. “Thatwas my thinking, yeah. Bad enough it happened to him, he doesn’t need thereminder. But one day they might be important.”
A yawn caught meby surprise, reminding me that it was late.Reallylate.
“This guy knew alot about him,” I said, remembering all the notes. I hadn’t looked throughevery one of them, but I’d seen enough. “Knew exactly how to hurt him. Ashleysays he can’t think of anyone it could be, says there’s no one he was closeenough to. It’s a scary thought, someone figuring all that out without himknowing about it.”
“That’s why he’sback here. Ashley’s a lot of things, but he’s not a coward. I’ve known this wasa real threat a long time and worried myself sick over it,” Grandma said.
I sighed,thinking of everything Ashley had given up—had beenforcedto give up.
“He didn’t evencome back to protect himself. He came back to protect his friends,” I said,remembering what he’d told me about kicking Gabe out for his own safety.
Ashley was a goodsoul, and he didn’t deserve this. No one did, but especially not him.
