Chapter Twenty-Six
Though he’d promised Isaac that he’d attend the charity dinner after the tournament as promised, Julian found himself hovering outside, unwilling to go in. His stomach had been in knots all day, guilt at not believing Isaac and fear that he’d lost Isaac’s trust sitting heavy.
He didn’t want to lose Isaac, though he was afraid he already had. Heshouldhave just trusted him, and he hated that he hadn’t been able to.
Doubt had gotten the better of him, and it might have meant he’d lost the most important person in his life.
On the other hand, Isaac had been unfair to him. He’d had good reason to be insecure, and instead of seeing that and acknowledging that he’d made a mistake, he’d thrown Julian’s insecurity in his face.
It was a mess, and Julian wasn’t sure how they were going to fix it. Or if he even had the strength to.
“Julian,” Mrs. Hudson’s familiar voice rang out, making Julian turn around automatically. “I missed you earlier today.”
Julian wet his lips, unsure how to tell Mrs. Hudson what had happened. Orifhe should tell her at all.
Why hadn’t Isaac told her?
“Are you okay, honey?” she asked, apparently seeing the indecision on Julian’s face.
Julian sighed as though the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders, still not sure what to say.
“That’s the exact sound Isaac made when I asked about you,” Mrs. Hudson said.
That made Julian look up, searching Mrs. Hudson’s eyes, the faintest hope that maybe hehadn’tlost Isaac welling up in his chest.
“You boys had a fight, huh?” she asked softly.
Julian’s heart sank again. If it was that obvious, Isaac was probably still mad.
“I don’t know what it was about,” she continued before Julian could confirm her suspicions. “And I don’t need to. Because Idoknow you’re always happier when you make up.”
Every fiber of Julian’s being wanted to believe that, but… maybe he and Isaac had told each other some home truths that needed telling, and maybe theyweren’tgoing to get past that.
Julian had been too insecure to trust that Isaac wasn’t just using him. He knew better now, knew by Isaac’s reaction that everything he’d felt and said had been real, but…
That hurt had been deep. And so had Julian’s answering one, Isaac’s flat refusal to accept his mistake still burning in the pit of his stomach.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said, not wanting to have to discuss this with Isaac’s mother. She loved them both. He didn’t want to have to say anything bad about her son to her, unless it was in the vaguest terms.
She pulled him into an unexpected hug, squeezing tight. “He’s happier, when you’re around. Whatever happened… it hurt him, and I can see guilt and pain all over your face, so I guess mistakes have been made on both sides.”
Julian swallowed. That… pretty much summed it up.
“But you’re happier, too,” she continued. “And take it from an old woman, happiness is rare and precious. Forgiveness is much easier than you think it is. I’m not going to tell you what to do. You’re a smart young man, and you can make your own decisions. But I can tell you now that regret is the hardest thing in the world.”
Regret definitelyfeltlike the hardest thing in the world right now. Julian regretted everything that had happened today.
Especially in the light of the night before, when he’d been so sure Isaac...
“Besides,” Mrs. Hudson added after a moment, interrupting his thoughts. “He loves you with all his little heart.”
Yeah. Isaac had said so, and Julian hadn’t been able to bring himself to believe it, not really.
Except… he’d known. He’d always known Isaac loved him, but he hadn’t been sure ofhowuntil very, very recently.
“Lead me inside,” Mrs. Hudson said, nodding toward the door. “And don’t worry yourself about any of this. If you don’t fight sometimes, it’s because what you have isn’t worth fightingfor.”
Julian offered his arm, not entirely sure that made sense to him, but still nodding along. Mrs. Hudson probably knew a little more about love and loss than he did. Isaac’s father had left the two of them before he and Julian had ever met, but he got the feeling it had hurt her deeply.
