He did love Julian. He loved him with all his heart.
But he’d never expected this. Not in a million years. Julian wassmarterthan this, loyaler. Always had been.
At least, Isaac had always thought he was.
“It’s notfair,” he added when Julian didn’t immediately respond. “You’re supposed to be on my side. You’re supposed to be my best friend. I deserve more than this from you.”
Julian swallowed again. “Congratulations on winning,” he said, his voice thick and rough. “I watched on my phone.”
Isaac didn’t know what to say to that. It felt sickeningly like a goodbye.
Gut churning, he turned on his heel, taking two steps away before a pang of regret hit him.
He’d been too harsh with Julian. He’d let his surprise and his anger at Adriana get the better of him, attacked the wrong target.
Taking a deep breath, he turned back.
Silent tears rolled down Julian’s cheeks.
“You never wanted me before,” Julian said, his voice so soft Isaac had to strain to hear it. “Why would I believe you want me now?”
“I did want you before,” Isaac said. “I just… I didn’t know how I felt. I didn’t knowwhatI felt. I didn’t understand.”
Julian sniffed, wiping tears away from his eyes forcefully. “You’re the one who walked away,” he said, an edge to his tone this time. “You were my best friend, and I loved you so much it hurt, and you just… walked out of my life one day. Got too busy with your own. And then you were back and I was so excited to talk to you again that I ignored that, never once mentioned it, but… you were back because you wanted something.”
Isaac’s stomach knotted up.
Julian wasn’t wrong.
He hadn’t intended it to be like that. He’d seen an opportunity to reconnect with someone he regretted drifting away from, someone he’d never stopped thinking about.
But he’d had time to do that before, and he hadn’t.
In hindsight, he could see it was because he still hadn’t figured out his feelings around Julian. He could see what had pushed him away, when their lives had split off on different paths. Why he hadn’t done more than sent Christmas and birthday cards, and not always.
“So forgive me for not being entirely sure of your motives,” Julian said.
“Jules,” Isaac whispered, regretting the nickname the moment he said it when Julian glared at him.
“I believe you,” Julian said. “For the record. But I deserve more, too.”
He did. He did, and Isaac had just been the monumental asshole everyone said he was.
Adriana might not have managed to break them up with her cliché little plan, but Isaac might have just done the work for her anyway.
“I’m sorry,” Isaac said, unable to put everything he wanted to say into words. He could see he’d hurt Julian, and that Julian had been putting up with alotof crap from him lately.
From his perspective, he must have felt pretty used.
And that was all Isaac’s fault. He hadn’t meant it like that, but he had a way of coming off as selfish when he was just… an idiot. He wouldn’t have intentionally hurt Julian for anything. Not for the world.
“Yeah, but what are you sorry for?” Julian asked.
Isaac wasn’t sure how to answer that. His head was spinning, his stomach aching.
Everything was going to hell and he didn’t know how to stop it.
Julian sighed heavily, pushing away from the wall he’d been leaning against. “I need some space,” he said. “I’ll see you at the charity dinner tonight, as promised.”
“Thank you,” Isaac said softly. He’d been wrong.
He didn’t deserve better. He didn’t deserve Julian at all, and he might have just lost him forever.
Julian walked away, his footsteps echoing in the mostly-empty arena. Isaac watched his back, his heart sinking all the way down to his gut.
He had to fix this. He’d just realized he was in love with his best friend, he couldn’t lose him now.
