But then, Ben couldn’t reject him right now. Not in front of all these people. Not if he wanted them to believe they were together.
That wouldn’t be fair.
Sam had wanted to kiss Ben since the day they met, but this wasn’t the moment to do it. No matter how much the thought made him ache to do it. No matter how much the faint brush of Ben’s hair made his skin tingle.
Sam swallowed as Ben finally broke his hold, taking a half-step back for some much-needed air.
Ben looked flustered, but it was impossible to know whether it was because he’d been thinking along the same lines, or if it was just because of his climb and fall.
“Nice job,” Sam said, smiling the brightest smile he could manage. Hopefully, Ben wouldn’t see right through him just now. Ben had always had a weird blindspot when it came to Sam’s feelings for him. If Sam was lucky, that would hold.
“Thanks,” Ben said, his voice rough and low.
“My turn.” Sam reached out to clip his harness to the guide rope. He needed to get away. His skin felt tight and uncomfortable, the overwhelming sensation of being that close to Ben putting all his senses on high alert.
Ben smelled of lemon, and herbs, and peppermint toothpaste. His hair was impossibly soft. His body was warm, warmer than Sam had expected, even in the heat of the day.
He was solid, and real, and not entirely like Sam remembered, but still perfect. Still Ben.
Still the love of Sam’s life, less than a foot away, but so far he might as well have been on another planet.
It was all too much.
Instead of dwelling on it, Sam marched over to the wall, adjusted his harness again, and started climbing with determination. This was much better than thinking about the way his heart had jumped into his throat as he caught Ben, about how much he wanted to hold him.
Working out his feelings by doing something physically demanding was kind of a theme of Sam’s life. It had kept him very, very fit, and he didn’t intend to stop anytime soon. The ten-yard climb was a lot less scary than the thought of owning up to how he felt.
A ten-mile climb would have felt less scary right now.
He couldn’t afford to give himself away when rejection meant being stuck with a rift between them all weekend. There was no way he could handle that.
It was better to keep his mouth shut, like he always had done, and appreciate Ben’s company for what it was.
