She leans down and kisses my head. “How are you feeling?”
“Guilty.”
Perhaps I should feel more, but the tears have run dry and all the other emotions have disappeared. Only guilt has lingered, and it’s eating me alive.
Sadie quietly sighs. “For not telling Jack?”
I draw circles on her knee, thinking about what I would do differently, if anything at all.
“Guilty because I’m not sure that I would tell him if I had the opportunity to go back in time, knowing what I went through. It was so traumatizing, I blocked most of it out. As an adult, of course, I know I should have told him. I have a lot of mixed thoughts. I feel sick to my stomach about the path I chose, but being so young, with only the guidance of my unhinged mum, I’m not sure the outcome would have changed.”
“How did I not see something was going on with you?”
Because I lied to you. “Do you remember when I was heartbroken over the military guy?”
“Uh-huh.”
“There was no military guy… There was no heartbreak. I used it as an excuse.”
She huffs. “I still should have picked up on it.”
“We were freshmen, living in two different countries. We talked, sure. But FaceTime wasn’t a thing back then, and phone calls can be deceiving.”
Nora walks in holding a jug of water and some cold compresses. “You need these for your eyes. They’re very swollen.” She takes my hand and pulls me into a sitting position. “Drink first.”
“You’re being very motherly,” I kid, trying to lighten the dark mood I’ve put over all of us.
She smirks. “Only because I’m mam now. You know I don’t have a maternal bone in my body, otherwise.”
“Where’re Evelyn, Marco, and Lola? I’m surprised they haven’t barged in yet,” I say.
Sadie smiles. “We’re a nosey gang, aren’t we? Ev is in New York for that meeting with Leo, and Lola and Marco are in Nottingham for a floral show I asked him to attend.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot.”
“Stop pacing. You’re making me dizzy,” Sadie tells Nora.
She stops and places her hands on her hips. “While you’re talking, trying to distract her, I’m here trying to get over your brother leaving.” She picks up her pace again. “He’s no longer my favorite. In fact, he’s down at the bottom of the fecking list.”
“Don’t be mad at him. He’s upset. He’ll come around… I hope,” I say.
“He will.” Sadie squeezes my hand to reassure me. “But I won’t lie and pretend I’m not mad he left too. If Wills and I hadn’t come over, he was planning on leaving you here, upset like this. That puts a bad taste in my mouth.”
Nora points to Sadie. “See? Even the sister agrees. You made a mistake almost twenty years ago, so what? We all have.”
“He’s mourning our baby, Nora. It’s not fair to be angry with him. Let him process it the way he wants.”
Sadie ducks her head. “But he should still be here for you.”
“Exactly. If your forty-year-old husband can’t deal with his emotions, he can sod off.”
“You want to say that to my face, Nora?” Jackson booms as he walks in.
“Watch it, Peters,” Declan growls.
Fuck.
I glance at Jack, who looks as bad as I feel.
