“Tight fit, huh?” I laugh as Shaw ducks his head all the way up.
“It’s a heritage home. I can’t make any changes to the original structure.”
“I love it, but I’m worried about your poor necks.”
“I spend most of my time out in the barn. It’s fine. Here you are.” He shows me to a large bedroom that gets plenty of natural light. I wonder if Shaw designed and furnished this whole place himself or if he had help. It’s a lovely, beachy farmhouse, but none of it seems like him or Vaughn.
“Vaughn has his room right across the hall and my room is down on the other side of the house.
“You guys don’t sleep in the same room?”
“We do, but if he’s pissed at me or if I’m being a moody dick about a piece, he’ll tell me to fuck off and sleep up here.”
“It’s good to have options, I guess.”
He shows me the bathroom that’s been remodeled. Before he leaves, he steps in close to me, invading my personal space like he did that morning in the hotel. He cups the side of my neck as he looks down at me, his brown eyes calm and searching intently all at the same time. He licks his lips and I think of the way he kisses. After sixteen months, I can still feel the way his lips moved against mine. It’s the best kiss I’ve experienced in my whole life. My whole life. I’ve known this for sixteen months, known that Josh’s lips never felt that good, never tasted that good. Josh made me happy for a while, but Josh never made me feel like I was on the edge of something that could drag me down or liberate me in equal measure. And from the way Shaw is looking at me, it’s likeheknows.
Sure, he knows I’m still hurting. He knows I’m still lonely. But now it’s clear he knows the hope I’ve brought with me to the Cape. The hope that he’s exactly what I need.
“Come down when you’re ready. We’ll talk over lunch and then after, we’ll get started.”
“Okay,” I say, but it comes out more like a breath. He doesn’t kiss me this time and as I watch him duck his head to go back down the narrow stairway, I remember why.Let me be the one to kiss you next time. He didn’t forget.
I sit on the bed and take a deep breath and stock of my current situation. I’m going to spend the weekend with Vaughn and Shaw. I’m going to do things I’ve never done with one man, let alone two. I’m going to do my best not to think about Josh. I’m going to set aside the complex feelings I have about how I lost him. I’m not even going to think about the fact that I’d already lost him before a single shot was fired. This weekend is mine. I’m past due some real selfish pleasure and I think Shaw and Vaughn are more than capable of giving it to me.
Seven
Vaughn
“Everything okay?” I ask as Shaw comes back into the kitchen.
“Yeah. She’s good. She just needs a minute.”
“I sent the list to the printer,” I tell him.
“Thanks. I’ll grab it.” Shaw walks into his office and is back a moment later with the revised checklist we went over the night before. It’s been a long time for the both of us, working with someone new, but we agreed. We need Brooklyn to be fully informed so she can feel free to explore what she wants this weekend with us to look like.
I’ve been thinking about her for months. Resisting the urge to reach out to her, just to say hello, to see if she’s alright. When Shaw told me they’d spoken and that she’d agreed to come up and see us, I wasn’t sure how to feel. The last six months have been rough. Shaw and I took a break. After meeting Brooklyn and seeing how right she was, that there was no quick fix to our grief, along with the ongoing silence from Mrs. Johnson, we thought it would be better to give each other some room before we said or did something we’d regret. It only lasted three weeks, but it was long enough for us to both come to the same conclusion. We were both still feeling pretty fucked up, but we weren’t ready to walk away from what we had together, not yet. Almost a year later and we’re still playing it by ear.
There are more conversations we should have, but we don’t. Shaw got a dog. Things are okay now. Not back to normal, since that’ll never happen. I’m lonely out in my Back Bay apartment, but Shaw is staying put and I don’t know how to solve my loneliness in a way that isn’t inherently selfish. Shaw sees how I’m struggling. He’s kinder now and puts me first in ways I didn’t know I needed. It’s not enough, I start to see after a while. Still I appreciate it. And I appreciate that he knows I’m excited to see Brooklyn.
Time changes things. The way you look at someone. Your intentions. My attraction to Brooklyn Lewis was instant, but I knew what she clearly laid out for Shaw the last time they saw each other. At that moment, the three of us crashing together would have made things worse. I’m glad Brooklyn took the time she needed. I’m also glad she reached out.
Two works. Two works great, but there’s something about three. I still have fucked-up feelings around Corrine. But I can freely admit that I miss aspects of the dynamic we had. Even though this weekend isn’t headed in that direction, I’m glad we get to play with a beautiful woman again and I hope Brooklyn leaves feeling well fucked and well rested. That’s my main goal.
Shaw and I wait. And wait. Ten minutes goes by and still no Brooklyn. Maybe she’s not ready.
“Should I go—” the sound of the stairs creaking stops me.
Brook comes into the kitchen and scratches Roger’s head as he trots over to meet her. “Sorry,” she says with a little smile. “Just needed a moment to freak out and then I had to text my sister.”
“You’re good,” Shaw says.
“Let’s eat.” I walk them through my overly elaborate menu for a “quick” Saturday lunch and then we take our seats at the dining room table. I threaten Roger with a stern look and he goes back to his bed before I get him in a headlock. Still haven't forgotten about breakfast.
“Should we skip the small talk?” Brooklyn says with a nervous laugh once we’re settled. “I mean, I love small talk. Don’t get me wrong. I just—yeah.”
“If that’s what you want.” Shaw goes over to the counter and grabs the three-page checklist. He hands it to her along with a pen. “This list encompasses most of the possible elements of Dominance, submission, bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism. Are you familiar with all of those terms?”
