I knew men would know the Princess would be there tonight, hoping to catch her eye and bed her, just like they hope for every year. I have to subtly remove them from the vicinity before they can even approach. But this year was even more important, I swore an oath to her father to keep her on the right path, the one pointed right at Shaston and Ereon, and until just a few moments ago I had done exactly that! I had succeeded ... until the beach.
As the night went on, Carnaxa had given into the ale's influence and wasn't entertaining the idea of trying to disappear with some lucky bastard, or bring anyone back with her to the castle. I don't know how I would have handled it if she had.Would I have wanted her to have her freedom for one night? Could I have handled seeing her with someone else? MyNohæ.
Naxa told me I was the first to call her by that nickname. I have always meant to tell her what it means, but as the years passed, I have come to enjoy how much not knowing the meaning irritates her. I've kept it a secret. While I was inShayitraining I learned the old language, the name fits her. It still does, even if she doesn't know it. It's the one thing I say so she knows I still care, I'm still here for her, even if I'm not the same person I was once.
Tonight though, something was different. Perhaps it was the ale or the realization that tonight would be our last. The dance in and of itself had been torturous, her full hips under the palms of my hands as her own fingers searched my body. Her light sky-colored hair clung to her pink pouty lips as she twirled around me, and I enjoyed every minute of watching her have her fun, especially when I saw jealousy etch across her face.
Earlier That Night
Leaving her on the beach, I went to fetch ale. Probably not the best decision since we’d had more than enough, but that was the only way I could catch my breath after dancing and being so close to her.
As I walk toward the tavern, Chantara saunters up. Intoxication is plain in her eyes and she wraps her arms around me, pulling me into her.
“I thought you weren't coming back for me tonight,” she coos in my ear as she turns me slowly and brushes herself against my chest. Her chest is flushed and sweaty as it glides against me. She runs her hand up my shirt and pushes me against a wall.
Looking up for a quick moment, I catch Carnaxa on the beach. Her hair blows in the wind but she's no longer looking toward the sea, she's looking at me. The look in her eyes is something I haven't seen from her, at least not so boldly. It's the look of desire and ... is that ... jealousy? I caught the same glance from her earlier in the night when Chantara tried to place the necklace around my neck, but it was so fleeting I couldn’t truly decipher it.
I want to see, no … I have to see if I'm right. Is Naxa truly jealous of my understanding with Chantara? She has never mentioned it before or shown anything but indifference, not that I’ve flashed my “understandings” in front of her. I run my hand into Chantara's flame-red hair and watch as Carnaxa grips the sand in her fists tighter, her lips parting slightly. Yes, that’s certainly jealousy. Leaning down into Chantra's ear I whisper, “Not tonight.”
She huffs and I pull her hand from my shirt, Chantara doesn't own me like she wishes she does. She's beautiful but she knows we aren't anything more than any of the other suitors she entertains as a mæna. It's not her fault I'm frequenting her more often the past few months, and maybe it’s time I stop. Perhaps, I am giving her the wrong idea.
I grab the mugs of ale as I return to Carnaxa, who's looking back toward the crashing waves.
Present
Watching Carnaxa's expression at the exchange between Chantara and I had not only clouded my judgment, but fueled my desire for Carnaxa I kept so cleverly, or so I thought, hidden. I am her protector first and her lover, never. I found out years ago that I could never be, because it would be her who I protectand emotions can get in the way of my duty to her. I serve and protect her, not the kingdom, not her father ... only her. It’s always been her.
The moment we discussed this being her last festival, something inside me broke. That small part of myself I keep tucked away pushed its way through. This is a celebration of everything Antalis believes in … and yet, next year she will be gone. She will be the Queen of Shaston and Ereon's wife. I have remained silent, keeping my urges under control as always, until her room. I couldn't and wouldn't let her last memory ofTähtandMarbe one of sadness and jealousy, no she deserves more than that.
I chose to let her last memory of the festival be of me and maybe that was wrong. I wanted to walk out of her room, maintain the normality between us, and I almost saw myself out, until I didn’t. I pulled her toward me kissing her pink-tinged lips, wanting to be completely surrounded by her. She tasted of sea salt and sugar mixed with ale, the memory alone causes my cock to stir again. She would have let me go further, I wanted to. I wanted to pull her thick thighs around my waist and carry her to the bed. I wanted to see if she tastes as sweet between those thighs as her lips did. But it's easier to walk away from a kiss than be left alone as the sun rises, feeling regret. We can't be anything more than what we are, that much is truer now than it's ever been.
I rub my temples with my fingers, pressing deeply, hoping the headache forming will ease. I barely hear the rumblings from Lenion, the guard sent to relieve me of my duty, before I'm already walking down the hall. If I stand outside her door any longer I know I will change my mind and go back to finish what I started. Hopefully tomorrow, she'll wake up and forget the kiss happened, or perhaps hope it didn’t, and I'll be the only one to carry the burden of what happened here tonight.
The sunlight starts hitting the white and gold marbled walls. I was awake before the sun rose, having barely slept. Tossing and turning all night, even after coming into my own hand as I thought of her, loving that I still bare faint evidence of her passion on my back. I noticed the marks as I took off my shirt last night, and I’ll be sad when they completely fade.
I can't go back to the tavern now. I often bury my want for her inside of Chantara, but now that I’ve tasted her ... Now that I know what it’s like to have her, even if just for a moment, nothing will ever compare.
I decide to go on a run, the only thing I know that will help me think of her less, but when I leave my rooms my thoughts are still running rampant.
A new recruit, I can't remember his name, starts up the corridor. His armor is too big for his thin body, that's how we all started, with nothing but legs and arms, but with the training, he'll bulk up. His head hangs toward the floor and I can already see the sweat glistening on his brow as he approaches ... he's nervous. I tilt my head watching him before he finally stops in front of me.
“Captain ...” he huffs out. Has he been running the whole way here? Taking a deep breath and talking way too quickly he adds, “You and Princess Carnaxa are being requested immediately in the throne room.”
“Why?”
“I ... I don't know Captain, but Prince Ereon is there and I could hear him shouting from the hallway before the King called me to come to fetch you.”
“Very well,” I say as I pat the boy on the shoulder. “Thank you. Please tell the King we will be along shortly.”
eleven
CARNAXA
Ialways dreamed of waking up to Thylas. I dreamed of his moss-colored eyes and his dark-as-night, curly hair as I would lie awake at night. I never, however, dreamed of Thylas bursting through my door early in the morning demanding I hurry up and get ready to go to the throne room to see my father.
He does not give me many details, just that we were requested and Ereon is there waiting. So I guess we will just forget last night and I’ll try to calm my erratically beating heart thatdecided to get excited when he entered, foolishly thinking he was coming to finish what we started. But, fair enough. I knew that is what he would do – become cold again, emotionally distance himself from me. I had hoped not, but what chance do we have? A captain and a princess ... are there not tons of legends about such an ill-pairing finding love? Normally they end up with children running about and a home of their own, but that won't be our story. It can't be, becausemy husband-to-beis waiting for me.
It's quiet around the castle this early in the morning. The few people we meet are either soldiers protecting their charges inside the castle walls, maids scurrying to clean after the festival, or cooks preparing the morning meals.
