Walking through the large, marble rounded doors, Father sits on his throne of white coral and grey shells. My mother's matching throne is beside his, empty. Her tall crown of silver and blue once resided there, but Father gave it to me last year. He said she would have wanted it to be worn, not just placed on a vacant throne. I rarely wear crowns or diadems because I find them cumbersome, but hers is one I cherish.
The high, floor-to-ceiling windows normally reflect the sun's morning rays and cast small rainbows across the room, but today the sun is covered by large grey clouds requiring torches in the throne room. Ereon is standing at the bottom of the dais, his fists curled in on his sides and his left foot tapping lightly. His guardsmen, dressed in all black, stand three steps behind him, their eyes downcast but their hands rest on their swords near their hips. No one turns to look at me which is fine, because right now I can't help but look as nervous as I feel. I breathe deeply trying to compose myself. Thylas grabs my hand so quickly and squeezes it before letting it go.
My hands feel clammy as I walk through the doorway, and Thylas takes a step back to let me lead. The lines on my father'sforehead are scrunched together and his fingers are steadily rubbing at his temple. Well, he's not happy and my heart starts beating even more, now that I see the seriousness of the situation.
I stop at the bottom of the dais, not even looking toward Ereon but I can feel his stare as I approach beside him. He smells of citrus and rain as if he's freshly showered. He doesn't seem to be bothered, but of course, who would be nervous when you are the one causing the problem. I have no doubt this is something of his doing.
“Good morning, my king.” I bow, and my emerald green and yellow dress touches the tops of my brown, leather sandals. It was the first one I could find this morning with Thylas rushing me. I run my hands over it trying to smooth out wrinkles from it being shoved in the armoire for too long.
“What is the meaning of the rumor I heard about you being out last night?” Ereon bellows from beside me causing me to jump, his voice louder than customary in the throne room. I straighten my shoulders and smile, turning towards him, I will not allow him to make me feel less than in my own home. I have also been made aware, time and again, there is little I can do if I am to play my part of his future wife and the future Queen of Shaston.
“Good morning, Prince Ereon.” I curtsy before confirming, “Of course I was out. The whole kingdom was out. You could have joined the celebrations as well, it was a festival for all.” I turn back to my father, my father is the ruler here, not him. And as of now, I don’t have to answer to him. Not yet. Another reason I don’t want to go through with this marriage. Ereon cracks his knuckles and Thylas moves one step toward the left, a clear barrier between Ereon and me.
My father clears his throat before chiming in, “Prince Ereon, as I have explained” – his ice-colored eyes never faltering from the intense gaze of the Prince – “last night was the FestivalofTähtandMar, a yearly celebration of the Great Goddess. I am aware you don't have this particular festival in Shaston, however, Carnaxa was accompanied by her guard, Thylas, and did nothing more than she has for her entire life last night. I have reports that she returned home alone and has been alone all night if that is your concern.” He shifts in his seat, his face full of irritation until he turns to me in greeting, “Good morning, Daughter.”
Before I can utter a word, Prince Ereon is speaking again, “I understand you have your traditions here in Antalis but she was seen wearing the clamshell necklace. From my understanding ofyourtraditions, once betrothed an Antalian is not to wear a silver shell until after their marriage ceremony is complete. Yet, she was. Did she also whore herself out like I saw many doing in the streets? Perhaps she didn't bring him to the castle, but fucked him in the alleys.”
“That is enough!” my father bellows from the throne, standing abruptly. In his younger years he was just as fierce as any warrior, today it shows. “Prince Ereon, while you are a guest in my kingdom, you will speak to both my daughter and me with respect. If you would let Carnaxa speak, I'm sure she can explain herself, as I also have assurances that she did notwhoreherself out. However, you would also be wise to remember that the women of our kingdom do not have to live up to your modest expectations, nor do we hide the fact that sex is a blessing from the Goddess, not something to be ashamed of – regardless of how it is shown.”
Ereon rolls up the sleeves of his black tunic to his forearms, as if he did not just offend my father or me. He exhales loudly and turns my way in expectation, “Let’s hear it then.”
I look directly at my father. I twist my fingers together, fidgeting before running them along the silver and gold bangleson my wrist. They clink together softly, and I exhale trying to find my confidence so that I show no fear.
“Prince Ereon is correct, I did wear the clamshell necklace, but not because I was looking for pleasure with another.” My breath hitches as I remember that I did in fact find pleasure in another last night, even if the moment was brief. Thylas' feet shuffle a hint beside me. “Your niece,BêlitSiphonie, suggested I wear it since this was the last time I will attend the festival for some time, as next year I will be the future Queen of Shaston. Her husband,BêlRhenor, was also in attendance with us and can tell you I made no such actions toward finding anyone. Thylas was the one who brought me back to my rooms, alone, and the other guard on duty last night will tell you that I did not leave until this morning when summoned here.”
My cheeks heat as I recall Thylas' hands around me, pulling me into him. The way his fingers explored, the way he tasted of smoke and ale. The way his tongue danced with mine.
“See, there is nothing to worry about,” my father proclaims, sitting back down on his throne, tapping his fingers along the arm. “Just a young girl having fun in her kingdom for what could be the last time, she did nothing wrong.”
“Be that as it may, King Clennom, I would like to propose that the marriage ceremony take place in Shaston instead of here in Antalis so these types of miscommunications can be prevented. We wouldn't want rumors of what did or did not happen here to reach Shaston and for the people of Shaston to think badly of their future queenconsortwould we?”
I take a step forward, as I try to catch my breath. What he is asking is preposterous. Not be married by a priestess in our temple? To not be surrounded by the sea and the people of my kingdom? My eyes plead with my father, he would never agree to this, he can't. That was the agreement and the agreement was to be married here, under the strawberry moon, as is the tradition.
“Prince Ereon, surely you know that it is important for those of Antalis to be married by one of our priestesses. Marrying in Shaston would break our traditions, our peoples’ heart, and furthermore, the agreement made three lunar years ago.”
“Actually, the contract states we will be married after I come to Antalis to retrieve her. Not that we would remain here for the ceremony. We have a priest in Shaston, we aren't heathens after all. We can be wed there, I'll even allow your shell ceremony there, our priest knows the words and we have something similar anyway. I just don't think, under good faith, I can continue worrying about the trouble Carnaxa will find herself in, here in Antalis. First, it was leaving the castle grounds without her guard, and now this. What else will she do to further embarrass herself in the people of Shaston’s eyes?”
The room is silent and everyone looks to my father. Thylas' breath behind me is ragged – like he's on the verge of losing control of his anger, and he probably is. My hands are sweating and I can't speak. There is no way our customs will be disregarded just because of a simple misunderstanding, is there? My father’s constant tap of his index finger against the arm of his throne is the only sound that can be heard.
“Carnaxa,” my father begins and I hold my breath, “return to your rooms while Prince Ereon and I discuss this.”
“But Father …”
He looks down at the floor, instead of at me as he repeats, “Go to your rooms.” His eyes dart to Thylas’ in a silent command. Thylas’ hand grips my elbow pulling me toward him and the door. Before I can pull my elbow out of Thylas’ grip, my father subtly shakes his head no. This is not the place, not in front of Ereon. I nod towards him and maintain what composure I still have as I walk back silently.
“There is absolutely no way your father will agree to this, Naxa,” Siphonie exclaims, sitting on the edge of my bed. Her skin glows from the sun's rays that are starting to leak through the sheer curtains of my room now that the clouds seem to have cleared.
“Then why did he send me away if he is going to object to a wedding in Shaston? Why couldn't I be there?” Running my hand along the railing of my balcony, the wind picks up and kisses my skin. Goosebumps flare along my arms. Thepitongibirdssoar across the bright blue sky and cry to each other in a harmony I've heard since I was a girl.
“I do not know. We are equals here alongside men, but not where Ereon is from. Maybe your father thinks he will have more pull without the presence of a woman?”
“That's idiotic.” I walk back toward her and fall onto my bed, wrapping the blue silk blanket around me. “I don't want to get married in Shaston. I don't want to marry the man at all, but especially not there. Can I not have that? I don't get to choose and I have to leave everything I know ... can I not just be married in the same temple as my mother was?” Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. From the moment I was a little girl I’ve always envisioned being married beneath the stars and the moon at the temple where my mother and father were married. Where she went from a baker’s assistant to a queen. Where the ebb of a drop ripples with the flow of another.
Siphonie wraps a hand around mine and lies down beside me. “I didn't want to marry Rhenor, but ... it seems to have worked out for the best. The Great Goddess always has a plan. I never gave Rhenor much of a chance before now, but it seems we have more in common than we expected.”
Leaving my land of seas and salt for a land of sands and heat breaks my heart. I just wish things were different. I want to do right by my people of course, but I also ... I want what my mother had with my father. I want love. I want passion. I want too much.I want more than I can have. I could throw a fit, pretending to be a spoiled brat but would that help me? No, in fact it would only have Ereon and his men see me as even less than. I can only do one thing, and that is to hope my father can keep me in Antalis longer.
“Do you wanna hear about what happened before the festival?” Siphonie releases my hand and rolls onto her stomach, kicking her legs criss-crossed in the air behind her. She smiles down at me, trying to change the mood. I can't bring myself to speak just yet, still trapped in my own thoughts but I nod, thankful for the distraction.
