“Then why didn't you wear a silver shell? I see women looking at you, you could have your pick tonight.” I give him a slight jab to the ribs, a familiarity we've not had in so long coming back to us. I've missed this.
“Why did you wear one, knowing you're betrothed and yet you have not sought the attention of anyone?” He looks down at the necklace before his gaze drifts a bit lower – for too long – before slamming his stare back at me.
I grab the necklace from around my neck and break the chain before throwing it into the sea which slowly hums as the waves go in and out with the tide. “Siphonie wanted me to wear it, my last night as a single Antalian after all, my last Festival ofTähtandMar, before I go to Shaston.”
“Nohæ, look,” he interjects, pointing toward the sea, where thetaohoare gathering. Such small, beautiful creatures that glow blue as the waves crest along the shoreline. With every passing wave, they glow brighter and brighter. Soon they’ll take flight, like stars lifting from the sea.
Along the crests I can see shining lights under the waves, illuminating the dark depths. Like the rainbow that once surrounded the sun, the waves glitter with varying colors. The pink of jellyfish, yellow from the squids, purple from the small seahorses, it’s breathtaking.
His eyes drift back toward the sea mesmerized by the lights, before his words, barely above a whisper, reach me.
“I can't believe this will be our last,” he whispers as he pulls the leather band from his hair and lets it hang loose atop his shoulders. He runs his hands through the damp, stricken mess of hair.
My fingers itch to run through his hair and probably could have at one point. He was the first boy I found attractive whenI was growing up. It was innocent then, my intentions, and yet I knew... I knew the feelings that grew in my chest for him.
We watch in comfortable silence as the ocean comes and goes. Thetaohotake flight, blanketing us with soft light. I watch as the creatures, each one no bigger than a couple grains of sand, fly around us. I lean my head on Thy’s shoulder, inhaling deeply the sandalwood and sage that seems to always linger on him. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in tight.
We sit on the shore a while longer before we stand and begin to walk back to my rooms in the castle. I'm exhausted from the dancing and the adrenaline I had running through my system is slowing down. Now, all I can think of is sleep.
Thylas walks me to the doorway, but when I walk in he follows behind me instead of staying outside the door as per protocol. I am sure he is exhausted and ready to hand off protection duty so he can find himself elsewhere.
“Everything okay?” I ask, turning toward him. Realizing he's but inches from my face I search his expression looking for anything. Maybe he senses danger? Surely I didn't miss a threat as we walked back.
The fight in his eyes snags on my lips and my mind registers too late what he has planned before I feel his long thick fingers wrap around the back of my neck pulling me toward him. His full lips crushing against mine, his other hand wrapping in my hair, giving me no way to escape even if I wanted to. But I don’t. I kiss him back, opening my mouth slightly letting his tongue explore. I run my hands up his back, underneath the tunic, feeling the scars.
He doesn't stop for us to take a breath and I know, as soon as he does, this moment will be over. He moves his hand from myhair to the small of my back, causing my body to line up flush with his, and goosebumps pebble my flesh. His rough fingers dig into the back of my neck as if it’s the only thing holding him to this world. I let my fingers drift into his inky locks like I've wished to do so many times before. Deep inside me a coil heats and I rub my thighs together, his obvious desire presses against me. I want him more than even I dare to admit, and I start to lean into him more, pulling him to me. My fingers dig into the skin of his back, I’m sure I am leaving crescent-shaped marks from my nails, but I don’t care. I can let him have me here and now, and would forever be happy that he was the one I chose to be my first. But I feel his fingers loosen on the back of my neck.
As quickly as he started the kiss he pulls away, leaving me breathless. I stand motionless, unsure of what to say or do. A look of regret and sadness passes across his features as he looks down at the floor, his breath equally as labored as mine before he turns and walks toward the door. I rush to him before he can get out the door and put my hand on his shoulder stopping him, “Why?” I mutter. It’s the only thing I want to know, why now?
Without turning toward me I hear his breathless tone, “Because,Nohæ, it's your last festival in Antalis and I would be a stupid man not to taste you at least once.” And then he walks out the door, leaving me standing in an ocean of my own thoughts.
ten
THYLAS
Standing outside Carnaxa's door, I rub my hands down my face. I shouldn't have done that.I should not have done that!I want to punch the wall beside me, but that would only cause alarm. I kissed her. I fucking kissed her, knowing that I shouldn't, knowing that she is betrothed, and the worst part is, she kissed me back.
I felt her hands running through my hair, the sweet taste of her mixed with ale, as her tongue explored mine. I thought shewould push me away, tell me no, and then I could move on. I would respect her decision, I would leave her be and never try again. But instead I found myself ready to throw her down on her bed and see what she would feel like underneath me. I pace the hallway trying to decide when in the night I decided I was going to take my daydreams this far.
I made the decision to stay away from her years ago, it's a decision I felt fine with, until tonight. Going out of my way to request what she was wearing so we could match, making sure I didn't take a clam shell. It was all for her protection, right?
This Morning
“What has Princess Carnaxa decided to wear?” I ask one of Carnaxa's handmaidens. I should really know her name, but I don’t. Her flaxen hair is tied at the back of her neck and she smiles with brilliant, white teeth, a gap between her bottom, front two.
“She hasn't yet decided, Captain.”
“When she does, let me know immediately, please.”
She eyes me and her smile goes sheepish. “Are you two planning to wear matching threads?” – her eyes drop to the floor – “I'm sorry ... I shouldn't have asked that it is none of my business. I will let you know immediately.”
The handmaid knows what wearing matching attire means, and while it does stand for a couple joining the celebration together, my intention is to help ensure Carnaxa handles herself as her father would want. I want to make sure the men don't see her as free game, because Siphonie will make her wear the silver shell necklace. I know she will. I vowed to her father I would keep her on the path the Goddess has plannedfor her. I'll do what I can tonight to keep her safe and keep my promise.
“Just let me know, thank you.” I walk out quickly, not sparing a second thought.
Present
Everything was for Carnaxa’s protection, even chaperoning her against Siphonie's carefree influence. I've been around Siphonie just as long as I have Carnaxa, I knew she would have Carnaxa wear the shell tonight. The pregnancy announcement was unexpected but I'm happy for Rhenor and Siphonie. They've been married for two lunar years now and it hasn't always been the happiest of marriages, but I know how long Rhenor has wanted a child of his own. I also know how Siphonie is at celebrations, she lives each moment to the fullest and pushes Naxa to do the same, which is both a blessing and a curse. Although tonight, even I have to admit, Siponie was different and her behaviors of the past might be changing. I garner a small smile as I think of the happiness I hope she’ll find.
