And it was the biggest mistake I had ever made.
Tears fill my eyes and I slide the rings from my fingers, setting them on my nightstand. Even though the love is lost, all of this still hurts.
“I think I just need to be alone, Rem,” I say to my best friend, tears burning the corners of my eyes as I stare at her from across the bathroom.
Remi’s lips tug downwards into a frown, her eyebrows tugging close together as sympathy washes over her expression. “Okay, girl. I love you so much and I am here. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, okay?”
I close the distance between us, letting her pull me in against her chest. My arms wrap around her tightly and I cling to her for a moment, waves of emotion flowing over me. Releasing her, I take a step back. “Okay. I love you too.”
Remi kisses the side of my head before she slowly heads out of the bathroom. She pauses by the door, her eyes finding mine once more. “We’ll get you through this, babe.”
“I know.”
I wait until Remi leaves before I wander out of the house with my thoughts running wild as they chase after me. I walk and walk until the soles of my feet are sore. The lake is just off in the distance and I don’t stop until I’m stepping onto one of the public docks, walking until I reach the end and sit down.
My mind is in absolute shambles. Between losing my parents and having to bury them today, and this mess I’ve gotten myself into with Jacob, I can’t think straight. Things with him weren’t always bad. He worked a lot, which left me lonely and secluded, but I tried to think of the alone time as a positive and poured myself into my art.
Our relationship moved quickly and within a year and a half after moving in with him, we got married. I don’t know where things went wrong, but the first time Jacob cheated onme was right before the wedding. He fed me lies about it never happening again and I chose to believe him. I chose to stay.
Little did I know, it wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last.
The dock beneath me gently rocks, the water lapping at my calves from the wake of a passing boat in the distance. My fingers thread through the spaces and I tighten them, wringing them together in my lap. A sob tears through my body, tightening the muscles in my chest, constricting my lungs. I clamp my eyes shut, willing away the tears.
I’ve been trying to hold in my emotions all day, mainly for the sake of my brother, but I can’t anymore. The gaping hole inside my heart continues to weep, the pain washing over me in violent waves. I’m no match against the sadness that encapsulates me and the tears streak down the sides of my cheeks without my permission.
The last week feels like it’s aged me twenty years and finding out I’m pregnant is only compounding to the myriad of emotions. It’s like my parents were fine and then they were gone. I spoke to my mother a few hours before the accident. I had no idea they would leave for dinner one night, only to be hit head on by a drunk driver.
Life changes in the blink of an eye and this was a change nothing could have prepared me for.
The wooden boards of the dock creak, shifting slightly, most likely from another boat, but I pay it no mind. My nostrils collapse as I suck in the deepest breath I can to calm myself down. Their funeral today gave a sense of closure, although it did nothing to fix the hole the loss left in my chest.
The smell of leather and cedar invades my senses and the dock shifts again. A warm, solid leg brushes against mine and I know it’s him before I even open my eyes.
Cole Wild.
The silence settles between us and as I lift my eyelids, I find him sitting with his dress pants rolled up to his knees, his feet tucked beneath the surface of the water. His hands are folded in his lap and the sleeves of his black dress shirt are rolled halfway up his forearms.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask, my voice catching in my throat as I wipe the tears from my face.
Cole slowly turns his head to look at me. His blue eyes land on mine, filled with nothing but sorrow. “Lookin’ for you.”
“Mission accomplished. You found me.” I clear my throat, pulling my gaze from his. I look back out at the crystal-clear lake, not wanting to meet his stare. “I’m fine, Cole.”
Cole lets out a soft breath, his eyes still trained on the side of my face. “Okay, El.”
Tears burn the corners of my eyes and the pressure along my jaw builds. The heaviness settling inside my chest is crippling. The weight is far too much for me to take and I know I’m going to break. I’ve been trying so hard to keep it together all day. I’ve let myself cry, but I’ve refused to fall apart.
“Please go,” I whisper, my voice cracking around my words.
“No can do.”
“Goddammit, Cole,” I choke out, the pressure building inside my chest. I whip my head to the side, the tears breaking past my lower lids like water crashing through a broken dam. “Just leave.”
The inner corners of his eyebrows dip, his perfect lips tugging downward as he slowly shakes his head at me. “You’re not fine and I’m not leavin’ you like this.”
“What the hell do you know?”
“You,” he says softly, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes travel down to my lips, lingering for a second before lifting back to meet my gaze. He stares directly through mine, into that hollow hole in my chest. “I know you, Ella. You always put ona brave face for everyone else, but you don’t have to keep doin’ that. No one is askin’ you to be the strong one here.”
