That last word falls from his lips and the levees inside me are cracking apart. If only he knew how messed up things are right now.
His hand lifts and he presses it against my cheek, cupping the side of my face as he catches a tear with his thumb. “Oh, El,” he murmurs. His palm warms my skin, his stare warming my soul. His gaze drifts back down to my mouth before trailing back to my eyes.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing as my body shifts forward, leaning into him while closing the distance between my face and his. My eyelids flutter shut, my lips seeking his, desperate to feel anything but the pain festering inside my chest, but I never find them.
“Ella, no,” he murmurs, his voice laced with pain, his hand pressing firmly against my cheekbone. My eyes flash open and he gazes at me, his expression unreadable as his eyebrows draw together. “Not like this.”
Time stops. My breath catches in my throat and I pull back. Heat creeps up my neck, spreading across my face.
“Oh my gosh.” I stare at him, eyes wide and face burning from embarrassment. I’m mortified. Why the hell did I think it was okay to kiss him? “I’m so sorry. I don–I don’t know what I did that for.”
My gaze leaves his in a flash and I turn my head against his hand to look anywhere except at him, but he stops me. He turns me back to face him and his eyes slowly search mine.
“Ella,” he says softly, a ragged breath leaving him. “Stop, El. You’re going through so much right now, it’s normal to be on an emotional roller coaster.” His throat bobs as he swallows hard. “Don’t shut me out. I’m right here–here for you. You don’t haveto be strong around me. You don’t have to pretend like you’re okay.”
A sob catches in my throat and I finally break. My ribcage cracks wide open and the tears spill from my eyes, blurring my vision. Cole doesn’t say a single word as he reaches for me, pulling me flush against him as sobs tear through my body. My hands curl into fists and I tuck my elbows against my ribs, succumbing to the pain.
His hands are soft and comforting as he runs them over my hair, down my back, over and over again, attempting to sooth me. I bury my face against his chest as he wraps his arms around me, holding me tighter. He rests his head against mine, gentling rubbing my back as whispers fall from his lips.
“Shh,” he murmurs into my hair. “I got you. I got you.” He holds me close against his body. “It’s gonna be okay.”
Time ceases to exist and the sun begins to set as he still cradles me against his chest, murmuring those soothing words until they begin to tangle into the fibers of my soul. I know tomorrow he won’t be here, so I hold onto the moment; I hold onto him.
Because I know after he leaves, there will be no one else here to hold me together.
CHAPTER ONE
ELLA
PRESENT
The sun peeks through the clouds, its rays casting a blanket of warmth across my face and my arms as my gaze trails along the green grass dancing in the soft breeze. The leaves from the willow tree in the center of the field shift in the air and a smile lifts the corners of my lips as a flash of blonde curls disappear behind the trunk of the tree.
“I can’t believe how big she’s gotten already.”
Turning my head, I glance at my brother as a thoughtful smile dances across his mouth as he watches my daughter, Chloe running around through the meadow at the park. If someone would have told the helpless Ella Daniels three years ago, that this is where she would be, I would have never believed them.
“I swear, I feel like I blinked and the time passed. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she’ll be turning three already.”
Wyatt chuckles softly, turning his head to look at me. “You’ve done so well with her, little sis.” His gaze shifts back out to the yard, watching Chloe as she bends over and plucks a smallpurple flower from a patch at the base of the willow tree’s trunk. “She’s strong and fierce, just like you.”
A lump lodges in my throat and I swallow back the emotion that has the corners of my eyes burning. “I only want the best for her. I want to give her the entire world.”
I know I’m doing the best I can, but I also know I could be doing better. Working a dead-end job as a bartender isn’t exactly what I had planned for my career. A starving artist isn’t an option, either, although I know that is where my heart truly is.
Wyatt reaches over, his hand finding mine as he gives me a gentle squeeze. He turns to look at me, his eyes slowly searching mine. “You are, Ella. You’re an amazing mother to her.”
“Wy-Wy!” Chloe calls out as she comes running through the grass, toward the bench we’re sitting on. “Wook!” She raises her arm, waving her hand around as her little fingers tighten around the stems of the flowers she’s been gathering.
Mixed in with the flowers are three dandelions that have lost their yellow petals. Instead, they’ve changed into fluffy, white balls—the kind you blow on while you make a wish.
“He-uh,” she says, handing one to Wyatt and me as she sets her others down on the grass. She closes her eyes, her face scrunching up as she puckers her pink lips. I bite back a grin and watch the determination on my daughter’s face. The whimsy and magic as she makes a silent wish. Her eyelids lift, her bright blue eyes shining as she blows on the puff ball.
The seeds lift into the air, the light breeze carrying them away and she erupts with giggles, bouncing up onto her toes and back onto her heels. “You do, mama!” She exclaims, pointing at the one I’m holding.
I let my eyes close, sucking in a deep breath as my mind wanders. I wish for nothing but happiness for my little girl. I never want her to experience the dark. Only the light of the world. I wish for her to be safe and happy.
I open my eyes and find Chloe watching me expectantly. I look over at my brother and see he’s still finalizing his wish as I begin to blow on the seeds, watching them float away. Wyatt does the same and the breeze catches Chloe’s giggles, carrying the sounds along with the pieces of the dandelions.
