I nod. That makes sense.
“What about you and Devin?”
I snap my head up and catch her eye. She’s smiling lightly but I can tell she’s fucking serious.
“Devin and I will never be married, Jessie,” I respond in a quiet, deathly serious voice, and busy myself laying out the cutlery.
“Callie.” She puts down the pile of napkins and reaches for my hand. “Talk to me.”
I shake my head, refusing to look up from the pretty plates and glasses decorating the table. “It’s not the time.”
“Screw that. Something is wrong,” she replies in a heated whisper. “Tell me.”
I finally put the last fork in place and look up into her pretty green eyes. I’ve always envied that she ended up with our dad’s eyes. They’re this unique, beautiful mossy green color. I got my mom’s brown ones and Rosie got an even darker version of that. At least Rosie’s look exotic. Mine are just plain old cow-shit brown.
“Nothing is wrong,” I say firmly because it’s the truth. A wife wanting her husband back isn’t wrong. It’s right. The vows finally mean something to Ashleigh and she wants to fix her mess. That’s what she should have done months ago. “It’s fine. But you know me—I’m not the marrying type.”
She isn’t buying it. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so close to my sisters. It would make lying easier. She won’t let go of my hand.
“This afternoon at the mall you would have been okay with that china joke. So what is going on?”
“I’m never going to marry Devin,” I repeat and the words feel like razor blades slicing through the center of my heart as I speak them. “He’s married and he’s going to stay married and that’s okay. That’s how it should be.”
She stares at me in complete stunned silence for a long minute.
“Are you drunk?” she says finally, her voice dripping sarcasm.
Before I can answer, Donna calls out that dinner is ready. The boys jump up from the living room and scurry toward us like starving wildlife. Jessie and I jump back to let them push and shove for places at the table.
I feel a tug on my pant leg and look down. Conner is peering up at me. “Can I sit next to you, Callie?”
I should say no. I have to say no. He has to detach himself from me. I’m not going to be around like I was before. I glance at the table. Devin has left two spots next to him open. I pick Conner up and carry him around the table.
“How about you sit next to Daddy and I sit on the other side next to Daddy?” I ask as Leah and Rose start placing piping hot bowls of green beans and roasted potatoes and baby carrots with dill on the table.
Wyatt is in the other room carving the roast beef under Donna’s watchful eye. I plop Conner down in the chair to the left of Devin, who has already put his booster seat on it. He looks up at me and scrunches his perfect little face in disappointment.
“You don’t want to sit next to me?”
“Of course I do, but you should sit next to Daddy and Unkie Jordy,” I say. “They’re your family.”
Devin shoots me a strange look at that and I see Jordan’s blue eyes glance up too. Jessie is flat-out glaring at me as she slips into the chair at the end of the table next to Jordan.
“Hey, Con, if you sit next to me, I’ll eat your carrots for you,” Jordan promises in a low but totally audible whisper.
“Okay. I hate carwits,” he announces firmly in his baby accent.
Everyone chuckles as Wyatt brings a platter full of perfectly cooked roast beef into the dining room. I slip into the seat next to Devin and take the bowl of green beans from him, using the serving fork to place a few on my plate before passing the dish on to Wyatt, who is sitting at the end beside me.
“You’re family too,” Devin says in a soft whisper as he hands me the dish of carrots.
I say nothing.
Dinner is upbeat for the most part. Devin keeps staring at me, though, and every glance makes it harder and harder to breathe. As soon as we start clearing the plates after dinner, I excuse myself to use the bathroom. I pace the small room for a moment before splashing some water on my face.
When I pull the door open, Devin is standing in the hallway waiting for me.
“I told him,” Devin says flatly. “Earlier today. I explained to Conner that you’re going to be with me. Living with me. Forever.”
