“What?!” I feel like he’s suddenly the biggest idiot in the universe. “Are you trying to fuck your kid up? Because if so, good job!”
He shakes his head and points down the hall. Conner’s giggles can be heard clearly from here. “Does that sound traumatized to you?”
“You’re going to confuse him, Devin!” I blurt out.
“So you’re not in this forever?” he questions, his eyes narrowing accusingly. “What’s going on, Callie?”
“Your wife wants you back,” I remind him. “That’s what’s going on.”
“Here’s a news flash that shouldn’t be a news flash,” he snaps, and I can literally see the anger bubbling up in him. “I don’t care what my wife wants.”
“Don’t be petty about this, Devin,” I say in a voice that has the slightest hint of a wobble, damn it. “Put your wounded ego aside and think about this. You made a vow to this woman. She wants to honor it. You might not think this is cheating, and it wasn’t when she wanted the marriage over too, but now she doesn’t. Now you’re the only one keeping your family apart.”
I push past him and march back into the living room.
I avoid him the rest of the time we’re at Wyatt and Donna’s. I don’t want to finish this conversation in front of our families. I was on the verge of tears and they did not need to see that.
Conner falls asleep in the car as we drive home. Devin is silent but it’s a tense, angry silence. I try to ignore it and stare at the snowbanks gleaming in the moonlight as we drive along. When we pull into the driveway, Devin starts to gently undo Conner from his car seat and I head to the house to unlock the front door.
He walks past me with his beautiful, sleeping angel in his arms and I feel a lump in my throat. I wish Conner were mine. Ours. I always knew I wanted children; I just never thought I’d want a man to have them with. But…that changed. I had begun to fantasize about having a baby with Devin. Our own child. There’ll never be an “ours” now.
He heads up the stairs with his son and I follow but turn left into the guest room where my luggage is already waiting, still packed. I sit on the edge of the bed and stare at my hands in my lap. I wish I’d never agreed to come home with him for Christmas. I wish I had never agreed to date him. I wish I had never agreed to work on this show in New York. I wish had never even met the Garrisons. I wish I had never even been born. I wish…
“We need to talk.” His voice is low and even.
I look up and he’s standing with his arms crossed in the doorframe. The light from the hall is framing his silhouette, which is taking up the entire doorway.
“Did he wake up or is he still sleeping?” I ask softly and stand up.
“Sleeping,” he says before adding, “What the fuck is going on with you?”
“Close the door.”
He hesitates but does what I say. I walk up to him and without a word I just grab his face in my hands and kiss him with every emotion brewing in my heart. It’s the most intense kiss I have ever given anyone in my entire life. It embodies everything I ever felt for him and everything I’ll never get to feel.
His response is swift and complete. He grabs my waist and pulls me to him roughly and pushes his tongue into my mouth and attacks me with just as much passion. I’m overwhelmed by the need to have him—be close to him—just one more time. I know it’s the worst possible idea. I know it will make this that much more impossible, but I can’t stop. I can’t deny myself. Ineedhim.
I start undoing his pants. He starts undressing me too and within minutes we’re both standing there in the semi-dark naked, still kissing and groping each other. I turn us and lean my back against the wall and then pull him against me. His bare skin against my bare skin is warm and smooth and makes me dizzy with lust.
I suck greedily on his neck as he scoops up my left thigh and hitches it over his hip. He pushes his pelvis into me, his solid dick slipping across my wet slit. Oh fuck, I want him. Right now. Like this.
I push down on him and his tip slips into me. His body trembles as he fights the urge to push deeper. I bite my lip to keep myself from telling him to just do it. Take me. Fuck protection.
If this were twenty-four hours ago, I could have said it and it would have been okay. If I got pregnant twenty-four hours ago, I would have been shocked and scared but I would have felt, without a doubt, that it would end up okay. Because twenty-four hours ago I would have been spending my life with this man. But now…Ashleigh had taken that option away.
“I want you too, but we…”
“I know,” he says in a husky thick voice. He bends down and picks up his pants and digs through his pockets. A second later the condom is covering him and this time I push down on him all the way as our lips meet in another fiery kiss.
He pushes into me slowly but it’s clear I’m soaking wet and completely ready for him, so as soon as he’s completely buried he starts thrusting fast and hard. I can’t do much more than balance on one foot as he holds my other leg up around his waist and presses me into the wall.
He breaks our endless kiss and pulls back slightly. Our eyes lock on each other. He keeps pumping into me, his full, gorgeous lips slightly open. And I see it. The look on his face—the look that says he wants me. He needs me. Helovesme. I know I’m mirroring it and I fight the urge to turn away and hide. I keep one hand wrapped around his shoulders and move the other to his cheek, cupping it softly. He pushes into it. I feel his five o’clock shadow tickle my palm.
“Devin…” I whisper and tilt my pelvis. I start to feel that euphoric feeling pooling in my abdomen.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, his dark eyes still focused on mine. “Callie, I love you so much.”
“Devin,” I pant out his name again. “Please…”
