“Let’s get this River thing sorted, and then we will figure out the Chloe stuff.” Cookie reaches across the front seat and hugs me, patting my back soothingly. “One day at a time, Logan. One step at a time. I’ve got your back day and night. Just call.”
“Thanks, Cookie,” I get out of her car and make my way toward the fire station. I watch my feet as I trudge across the snowy walkway. Cookie is right, one step at a time. For now I have to believe everything will work out with River and with Chloe because the thought of losing either is crushing.
29
Chloe
Aspen and Mitchboth come over a couple evenings later after I refuse to leave the house to meet them anywhere. Aspen brings chicken soup from my favorite deli, and Mitch brings chocolate chip cupcakes with fudge icing.
I make us all a pot of tea, and then I dive into the cupcakes. I’m halfway through my second one when they finally speak.
“I’m not at all a romantic,” Mitch begins stirring his tea, pinkie out. “I don’t believe in true love or soulmates or destiny or fate. I believe in simple, drama-free relationships, physical not emotional. This thing with you and Logan is the polar opposite of that, so normally I would say run like the wind. But…I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I think you need to find a way past this. Together.”
“I think that too sometimes, but how? I mean I know Logan. I truly believe he isn’t the guy now that he was then,” Aspen adds, and it’s almost amusing how they’re having this conversation essentially without me even though I’m right here. “How does she look at him now and not think of losing her husband? And how does Logan look at her and not remember the biggest mistake of his life?”
“Think about it this way,” Mitch begins as he reaches for a cupcake himself. “Have you ever seen the moviePoint Break?”
“That one about bank robbing surfers?” I ask, and he nods. “Yeah, I’ve seen it.”
“Keanu is level ten hot in that thing,” Aspen adds.
“Stay on track, my little horny preggo friend,” Mitch tells her and turns back to me as he peels the wrapper from his cupcake. “Do you remember how, when the Bodhi character finds out Keanu’s character is an undercover cop he forces him to join them on a bank heist?”
“Sure…he kidnapped Keanu’s girlfriend to get him to do it,” Aspen replies.
“The reason doesn’t matter. The fact is Keanu’s character was forced to be part of the robbery. Now let’s pretend it’s real and you’re in the bank with your husband, and one of the other robbers shoots someone. Do you blame Keanu for it?” Mitch drops the cupcake wrapper back into the box. “No. You don’t, do you?”
“He’s essentially a hostage himself so, no,” I say, and Aspen nods in agreement as she stares at Mitch, just as bewildered as I am over where this is going.
“Logan was essentially a hostage too,” Mitch asks and runs a finger through the icing on his cupcake and pops it in his mouth. “He was unconscious and had no idea anyone was going to drive. He passed out expecting to wake up at the bar. Logan is Keanu. Forgive him.”
Mitch, done with his elaborate example, bites into the cupcake he’s holding, consuming half of it in one bite. I sigh. “Yes, but in your scenario I’m not just some random person who runs into Keanu after the fact and falls in love. I’m the widow of the man that was shot and killed in the robbery.”
“You are,” Aspen agrees but then she sighs dramatically. “But all I know is the happiness and hope I saw in you for the very first time since I met you…that can’t be a mistake or wrong. I, unlike our pessimistic friend Mitch, believe in fate and destiny, and you and Logan had to have been brought together for a reason. Nothing that feels that right is wrong. The end.”
“If only it were that simple.” I sigh and sip my Earl Grey. “When we look at each other now, it’s all we see, and I know it’s both of us. Not just me. I remind him of the worst thing he’s ever done.”
There’s the distinct sound of a car pulling into the driveway, and I sit up straighter. The car engine cuts out and then I hear a door slam, and I stand up. Aspen and Mitch watch me. “Who is it?” Aspen asks.
“I don’t know.” I say as I walk toward the window. If I rubbed a magic lamp and had three wishes right this instant, all of them would be that the person in my driveway is Logan. But there’s no magic lamp, and the Universe isn’t granting my wishes. It’s not Logan. It’s Terra getting out of the truck.
“What is going on Chloe?” Mitch asks. “Don’t make me get up. I’m digesting carbs. I need to rest.”
“Logan’s sister Terra is here,” I say, my voice a disbelieving whisper.
Because inside I feel like my heart is being locked into a tiny little box, and the key is about to be thrown away. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like this. Logan opened that box, and now, if this ends with him, that box will be locked again. Forever.
Controlled by my heart not my brain, my feet start moving me toward the front door. I have no idea why I’m putting on my coat and boots. What will I possibly say to Terra? But I feel like I have to say something. Aspen and Mitch are silent as they watch me. They don’t say a word or stop me or follow me as I head outside. Terra is standing at the bottom of my stairs about to climb when she sees me and stops. I walk down to meet her. As I descend, I see my friends in the living room window, pressed up against the glass like two puppies watching their owner.
We stand at the foot of the stairs, and she gives me a small, friendly, but uncertain smile, and I just explode verbally on her. “The money went to my husband’s older brother. I never saw a dime. I didn’t know about it. I didn’t know Logan was even in the car. So I’ve never had time to deal with my feelings on it. It’s a lot for me to process. I won’t apologize for that—for needing time.”
Terra pulls me into a hug. I wasn’t expecting that. Or the fact that for a small, lithe person she hugs with the strength of a bear. “I’m a hugger. It’s a horrible genetic trait I inherited from my ma. She hugs everyone. She once hugged the mailman. Anyway, when someone is hurting, I hug.”
She lets me go and her brown eyes are soft, her face filled with compassion. “I’m studying to be a therapist, but I have to say, I don’t even know how to begin to cope with what this news must do to you. I know that the easiest reaction is anger. It usually is in any situation. And you’re not doing that, blaming him, screaming at him, trying to destroy him. You can admit you still love him, so I’m going to tell you the things Logan won’t. Because he feels like he can never ask for help because he owes everyone and they don’t owe him anything.”
“What are you talking about? Is he okay? What’s happening?” Did something happen to Logan? I’m suddenly consumed by fear.
“He doesn’t know I’m here. He’s currently meeting with a lawyer,” Terra says and then she explains that Bethany found out about the crash and me watching River without permission, and she’s challenging the custody agreement. “The hearing is tomorrow. Logan is allowed to have character witnesses. The whole family will be there, obviously, but I think it would serve him even better if non-blood relatives were there to speak to his character. Jake is going and Logan’s sponsor from AA. If you wanted to…if you could go and say anything about that night Logan left River with you, it would be helpful.”
