“I know. I’m your lift,” she says. “Jake called me. He said you didn’t want a lift, but we both know that when a drunk is that desperate for a meeting, they’re equally desperate for a drink. And I’m not letting you drive to this meeting in case you find yourself driving to a bar instead.”
I smile. “I’m okay,” I promise but climb into her passenger seat anyway.
“I know you’re okay, and I’m helping you stay that way,” Terra says and pulls out into traffic. “Jake said Bethany knows about the car crash? Who told her? Would Chloe do that?”
“No. Chloe would never, I’m sure of it,” I say and I’m confident. Whatever does or doesn’t happen with Chloe and I going forward, I know she wouldn’t contribute to taking River away from me. She just wouldn’t.
“How the hell did she find out then?”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” I reply and lean my head back against the seat.
“I’m not going to guess, I’m going to find out, even if it means I have to hire Aspen to get to the truth, I will.,” Terra replies, her voice fierce. “And why is Bethany so fucking vindictive?”
“Well, I’m not helping myself either because I guess Manuel, the social worker, went by my place and I’m not there, which isn’t allowed,” I see the church up ahead on the left and glance at the clock on her dash. Meeting starts in ten minutes. “I have to go.”
I jump out and wave goodbye, but in typical Terra-fashion, she doesn’t pull away until I’m inside the church. I start to shrug out of my jacket as people wander in. Cookie is already at the coffee station, pouring herself a cup. She’s in a hot pink, faux fur stole and jeans with sequins down the seams on the sides. She sees me, pulls off her mirrored sunglasses, and waves. I walk over and join her. Her dark eyes are soft. “I’m glad you called me.”
“Thanks for coming. I wanted to talk to you before the actual meeting,” I say and she nods and hands me the coffee pot.
As I add cream and sugar, she steeps a cup of tea for herself. “I’m always here for you, sweetheart. Let’s find a secluded spot.”
I follow her as she passes the chairs for the meeting and makes her way to a small bench in the back corner by the doors to the main part of the church where services are held. She sits and pats the empty spot beside her. “What’s on your mind?”
I take a deep breath as I sink down onto the bench. “Step five is on my mind.”
“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs,” Cookie says because she knows it by heart like I do. She takes a sip of her tea and levels her stare at me. It’s calm, non-judgmental. “Are you ready to do that now?”
I nod. “I’ve always said that my family finally got me to agree to go to rehab after my friend killed himself and someone else in a drunk driving accident. That’s true, but what I’ve never said…out loud to any human being until recently…is that I was in the car with him when it happened.”
No gasps. No dropping jaws. No accusing stares. Cookie doesn’t react at all. She just waits for me to continue. So I do. I tell her all about that night. “I was encouraged not to talk about it. I thought I was helping my family the only way I could, by keeping the secret. But I have owned that crash like I was the one behind the wheel. Because I got in that car to wait for Bryan. I ended up passing out, but would I have stopped him from driving? I don’t know. I’ll never know. But I do know that I was in a car that killed a man, and injured his wife, and admitting that, to you and in this meeting later tonight, is finally telling my whole truth. Maybe that will let me release some of this guilt.”
Cookie immediately grabs my hand. “Oh, how I wish I’d had your strength of character when I was your age. Then maybe I wouldn’t have lost custody of my babies to my ex.”
“Not necessarily, because I did anyway. Sort of,” I reply and explain to her what’s happening with River.
“I am coming to that custody hearing, Logan,” Cookie says. “I can be a character witness.”
“That’s so sweet of you to offer, Cookie,” I hug her again. “I’ll keep you posted.”
The room is filling up now, and the meeting is about to start. We both stand, and she lets go of my hand. “Logan, you didn’t make the decision to let Bryan drive.”
“But—”
She holds up her hand, silencing me. “We can only deal with facts, not buts or maybes. The fact is you did not make the decision. Stop torturing yourself.”
I nod and we grab seats at the back as the meeting is called to order. When it’s time for people to share, I share. I tell everyone in the room everything I’ve been keeping locked inside. Everything. Even the part about ending up in love with the woman who was in the car. The woman whose husband died. Cookie didn’t know that part, and I try not to notice how her mouth drops open and her eyes widen in shock.
After the meeting, Cookie drives me back to the fire station. “Logan, it’s a horrible twist of fate that it was Chloe’s husband and Chloe in that car.”
“Yeah,” I sigh and stare out the window and explain the details to her. “I’m staying at Jake’s because Chloe needs some time to process this.”
“I bet she does,” Cookie murmurs and says nothing for a while until she pulls up to the fire house doors. Then she turns to look at me. “The worst moments of both your lives are intertwined, and neither of you knew it. That’s a lot to deal with—for both of you.”
I nod. “I know.”
“You’re dealing with it, and so will she,” Cookie pats my hand. “And if she can’t…well, you’ll be okay, Logan. It won’t feel that way at first, but you will.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t want to think about Chloe leaving my life forever.
