“And we want to do it here,” Eli adds. My mom’s weary face actually lights up.
“Oh, that would be so fantastic!” she exclaims and she cradles her coffee mug. “Your father always wanted you girls to get married here. Maybe I can even get those renovations done that we always talked about so it’s even more perfect for the big day.”
“I should go pack,” I announce abruptly and stand up. “My flight leaves in a few hours.”
Ty stands with me. Great. I give him a smile. “Stay here and enjoy the buns.”
He hesitates, but nods. I ignore the concerned expressions staring back at me from everyone and head upstairs. I can’t sit there and listen to everyone making plans for the rest of their lives. I get it, we need to move on, but Dad’s been gone less than a week. Why can’t we just stop and wallow? I need to wallow. I make it upstairs and into my bedroom and I shut the door and fall face-first onto my unmade bed. Tears prick my eyes and I let them fall. They all might be ready to move on, but I’m not and I may never be.
2
Winnie
Four hours later I say good-bye to my entire family and we go our separate ways just past security, to head to our respective gates at Boston Logan International Airport. As my family walks one way, Ty and I head the other, to go through Customs and make it to our gate for our flight to Toronto. The line is huge, which is typical. I pull my passport out of my purse as we wait. Ty reaches up and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I try not to wiggle free as he rubs my arm and gives me a squeeze.
“Things are going to feel better when you’re back home and working again and life is back to normal,” Ty tries to assure me. “Did you return the school’s call?”
“No,” I reply. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
“Oh. Okay,” he says in a tone that says it’s not okay, but he’s not about to start a fight. I wish he would for some reason. “Well, the principal there loves you, so I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to get you back.”
“It’s just a spot on their substitute teaching list.” I step forward as the line moves up. Luckily, this makes Ty let go of me. “No one willingly wants to be a sub. I’m sure the spot won’t be snatched up in the next twenty-four hours.”
He nods and then his phone beeps, and I watch him pull it from his pocket. He turns away from me just the slightest bit, but I notice it. “Who is that?”
“No one,” he mutters. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up as my stomach knots.
I hate myself for what I’m about to say, but more importantly I hate him for making me feel like I have to say it. “Then show me who is texting you.”
He sighs. Loudly. I cross my arms and he turns to face me, frustration twisting his features. “It’s my boss, Courtney.”
He turns the phone toward me and I see her name. I haven’t met this woman because he switched accounting firms while I was living in San Francisco. She could be his boss, or she could be someone else. “Courtney what?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Winnie. When are we going to stop doing this?” His tone is hard and dripping in irritation. “I thought maybe once you got home, after everything with your dad was done, you’d be back to your normal self, but clearly, that’s not happening.”
After everything with my dad was done?
“Sorry I’m not perky and carefree five days after I watched my dad die,” I bark back at him, and out of my peripheral vision I see a woman in line snap her head up. “Maybe if you hadn’t made the last two years of watching him die a slow, painful death even worse by fucking someone else I’d bounce back faster.”
Three more people in line turn to stare. Ty’s pale complexion turns crimson and I don’t know if it’s with rage or humiliation, but the worst part is I don’t care. I reach for the handle on my suitcase and as the line moves forward, I move back.
“Excuse me,” I say to the woman behind us and then repeat it to the next twelve people in line as I make my way out of the line. I can hear Ty following me, apologizing to the people as he passes too.
I make it halfway through the terminal before he gets me to stop. “Winnie! Where the hell are you going?”
“Back to the cottage,” I tell him. I don’t even realize that’s where I’m going until the words jump out of my mouth. “I’m staying.”
“You’re joking right?” I turn to find Ty even more red-faced as he angrily runs a hand through his blond hair. “Winnie, we can’t keep making this work long distance.”
“I don’t want to make it work,” I blurt out, and it feels so good to say it out loud. Finally. Liberating and freeing, which then makes my heart fill with so much guilt that it feels like it’s sinking into my shoes. “You cheated on me.”
“Fucking hell, Winnie.” He’s a shade of red now I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. “I have spent the last two years of my goddamn life trying to make it up to you, and now you’re done? Now you won’t forgive me? You just wasted the last two years of my life.”
“I’m sorry,” I say as my eyes fill with tears. I wipe them away before they fall and glance around for a car rental kiosk. I need to get the hell out of here now. “Go back to Toronto. Fuck Courtney, or go back to that girl you cheated on me with. I’m sorry I held you back from doing that sooner. Just go. You’re free.”
I see a sign for Concord buses. I know they go to Maine so I start walking that way. He is still following. Suddenly his hand is on my biceps and he’s turning me around. Our eyes meet. His face has gone from red to white now. Ashen actually. “Winnie, please. Don’t. I was sorry then and I’m sorry now. Just come home. You can’t throw us away.”
“I can’t be who you want me to be,” I reply in a flat monotone.
