“You don’t need to say anything. I just need you.”
"I don't deserve you, but I'll always love you. And I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you have everything you need."
"You will always be my Master."
The possession thrills me, even as it's tempered by my need, and hell, my desire to share him.
"You'll always have your Owner and Daddy as well," I promise, even though my heart stutters over someone else being his Daddy. But it's no longer a title I deserve.
"But you're my Papa Bear, too," he pouts, his forehead creasing in pain, but I can’t give in. I can’t take what’s not mine to claim.
"That's a conversation you should have with your Daddy first," I respond sternly.
My soul wants to latch onto it, but I refuse. The only way this will work is if we're all on the same page, all giving each other respect. And fuck if I'll ever make my love, my very reason for existing, give up pieces of his soul to soothe my foolish pride. I instinctively jerk from the crushing pain it gives me, knowing I almost lost him because of it, and I promise never to put it at risk again.
With a sigh, he settles closer to me and I let go of his hand, only to wrap him in a hug. I want to completely envelop him, to let him know he’s safe, because the thoughts…hell, I know the thoughts he’s been chased by in the past. I can’t imagine they’re much better now.
“I…I don’t know if I can keep living,” Emilio says softly, cringing into me. “I…I did something evil.”
Growling, I hug Emilio tighter to me, my heart breaking for my sweet Boy. I loosen my grip, but only so I can turn toward him, lifting his chin so he’s forced to look at me. I want to make sure he reads the sincerity in my eyes, so there won’t be any confusion later on.
“You did not do something evil. I’ve done evil. You have not. That blame lies with the bitch and her father. I know you. You wouldn’t have done any of that if either you, or even more likely, Roman, wasn’t threatened.
“You did what had to be done. Those sins don’t stain your soul. They’re not yours to carry. If I could take those memories from you, I would. The fact you feel it so deeply proves that it’s not yours. A truly evil person wouldn’t care about the pain they've caused.
“I nicknamed you Death, but you are so much more than that. You are Life as well. Both sides of the same coin. You bring Life to those who need it, and only mete out Death to those who deserve it. Remember who you are. You are mine. And I love you, every inch of who you are, and when those memories swamp you, lean on me, because I’ll carry them for you.”
Emilio sniffles, his moss green eyes filling rapidly, even as he tries to blink the tears away. “How will Roman ever forgive me? He’s…he’s so important to me. And Itorturedhim.”
“I’m sure he’ll tell you there’s nothing to forgive. But even if there was…you need to remember your friendship is strong. I know most of you Boys can’t understand why I remained friends with Luca after what he did. It’s because our friendship was forged in the fire of destruction, and we relied on each other to make it out.
“This? This may feel overwhelming, but your friendship with Roman is forged on more than what most have. You need to let him back in. I know he’s struggling right now. He won’t see anyone other than Carter, and he’s not eating. He’s waiting for you, Caro. You can’t fix him, but the bonds of your friendship, of your love, it far surpasses what normal people have.”
Emilio’s breath catches, pain flitting across his face. I hold my breath, worried that I pushed too hard, or gave information he wasn’t ready for yet. But my Caro is stronger than that, and I never should have doubted it. His shoulders square up and he nods in seriousness.
“I won’t let him down.”
“I know you won’t,” I reassure him. “But you also need to take care of yourself. Show Roman what getting healthy looks like. Model that behavior. He needs that. Hell, even I do.”
“You’ll get therapy as well?” Emilio asks quietly, chewing his bottom lip. I touch his cheek, caressing it as memories of my sweet Boy infiltrate my mind.
“Yes, Caro. It’s time for me to get better. For us all to get better. It won’t be an easy road for any of us. But…I want to be worth saving. Sarah’s right, it’s time.”
He doesn’t say anything, but snuggles into me instead. I hope I’ve gotten through to him. Because really, at the end of the day, all I want is his happiness. Whether it’s with me, or Hollis, or Tennant. Whatever he needs, I’ll do my best to give it to him. Because I finally figured it out…
I know the truth now. There is no me without him, no light without his smile, and fuck if I’ll ever lose him again…whether to outside forces or my own stupidity. He’s everything I could ever want, now I just need to deserve him.
Carter brushes my wet hair and hums. “You need a haircut, Figlio.”
I don’t say anything. Hell, I don’t even look in the mirror as he tends to me, too ashamed to face my failures.
“There, I’m sure you feel a bit more human, hmm?”
I shrug, following his motions as he helps me up and leads me back into the medical room that’s become my sanctuary over the last week.
“The kitchen is going to send food in soon. I asked for waffles today. I know you prefer pancakes, but this has been Cole’s go-to meal lately. He’ll eat pretty much anything—especially if it has chocolate—but he has a few favorites he’ll latch onto.” He sighs a little, and another chip lands in my heart, knowing I’m hurting him, but unsure how to fix it. “He’s looking forward to seeing you and his Uncle Lio soon. He’s missed you both.”
A lump forms in my throat. “I miss him too,” I whisper.
