His lips tremble. “A long, hard road for us.”
I nod. “Yeah… But I’ll be here every step of the way, okay?”
He nods.
I kiss him so softly it’s barely a brush of my lips against his. “You can go to him… He’s still healing, so be gentle.”
Lio trembles as he looks toward the door again. And my love for him reaches its crescendo, even as he says, “Master…”
My arms are immediately full of my sweet Boy, and the ice around my heart shatters so fucking fast. For a moment, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, drawing in the scent of my love. I don’t give a fuck that he hasn’t had a shower in a while, all I care about is that he’s here—here in my arms at last.
Opening my eyes, I catch Hollis’s gaze and tilt my head toward him, offering him the most silent respect I can give him. The storm churning there…hell, I’m familiar with it. I’ve been where he’s at. Where I put my trust in another person, knowing that my love had fallen for him. At least, Hollis is smart enough to truly accept it and not fuck up like I did.
It doesn’t matter how many promises I give Hollis, they’re all useless until he sees my actions match up to my words. I hurtLio, and it’s going to be a long time—if ever—before Hollis will trust me. I get it. I don’t like it, but I understand it.
What Hollis doesn’t understand is that I know exactly how worthless my life is without Lio in it. I’ve lived it, day in and day out. They may think it was Luca who broke me…but it wasn’t. Not truly. It was the loss of this, the loss of the man who makes me feel, that broke me. And I will never, ever put myself in that position again. Call me a selfish bastard, but I can’t go through that. I can’t lose Lio again, especially due to my own failures.
That doesn’t mean I think this is going to be easy. Hell, it’s the hardest thing I can think of, but whatever needs to be done, I’ll do it. Because, at the end of the day, he’s what matters. His love is what redeems me, and it’s the only salvation I’ll ever have.
Hollis stands, and with a pained expression, heads toward the door. He pauses as he passes me, but he merely shakes his head while giving me a warning look. There are no words I can give him in reassurance, so I stay silent. He touches Lio’s back gently before disappearing through the door. For a moment, I have to fight the panic in my brain, the fear that I’ll fuck this up. Not having someone here to watch…I don’t trust myself yet. Not with Lio…hell, maybe I never will.
Eventually, Emilio steps out of my arms, and the ache of the loss is overpowering, even though he’s not far from me. I touch his pale cheek in concern. He’s too gaunt, and the bags under his eyes… I know the sedatives have forced him to sleep, but I'm sure it hasn’t been as restful as it could be.
“Caro, how are you?” I ask gently, guiding him back to the hospital bed.
With a huff, he sits on it, dragging me with him. He leans against me, but stays quiet. I yank gently on his hair, reminding him I’m waiting for his words. It doesn’t matter what his body is screaming at me, the exhaustion and guilt, I need to hear it fromhim. If we’re going to reestablish our relationship, it needs to be on better terms.
“I’m…lost,” he whispers as he stares at the thick padding around his wrists. I’m glad he’s moving his fingers, because I know they were worried he’d fucked up his tendons completely.
I slowly take one of his hands in mine, letting him feel my warmth when he shivers. “You’re not lost, Caro. We are here for you, and we’ll never let you disappear. But you need to trust us.”
“Of course, I trust you. You’re my Master.” Emilio peeks up at me through his too-long hair. It may be in need of a wash, but it doesn’t detract from his beauty. Nothing could.
With a quiet sigh, I know we have to face the truth before we can move on. And it won’t be easy, for either of us.
“You realize I’m no longer Il Padrone, right?” I ask gently, not wanting to push him, but I need to make it clear we’re in this together…as equals.
Emilio sets his jaw, shaking his head in disagreement. “It doesn’t matter. You’re my Master. You’ll always be my Master…and more.”
I know what he’s asking, but I refuse to let myself go there. Not right now. I take a deep breath, trying to protect us both. I don't want to break us before we have a chance to find our places with each other again. I lift his hand to my lips and brush a kiss against it, branding him the only way I can right now. With a sigh, I push the conversation forward, even though it’s hard.
“I will always be whatever you need. But, I need you to understand that what we have—that’s between us. And I have a lot to prove first. What I did…hell, I don’t understand why you’d even give me a second chance. I don’t deserve it. But I promise, I will always put you first from now on. That I’ll never harm you. You are my everything, and I need you to understand that. You may call me Master, but I want you to know thatyou are in charge. If you say something stops, it stops. Do you understand?”
His nose wrinkles, and he stares up at me sadly. “I trust you though.”
My heart aches with those words.Trust. I know I haven’t earned it yet. Even if he thinks he trusts me…it’s too soon.
“I need you to hear me, Caro,” I say desperately. “Please. Even if you trust me, I…I don’t trust myself yet. I need to earn your forgiveness first.”
“But I already forgave you,” he whispers, and my heart breaks.
They're words I want to cherish, and hold onto, but I’m so fucking afraid he’s pushing this too quickly.I can’t even forgive myself, so how can he forgive me?
Lio’s voice does waver even slightly as he continues. “Because I know you. Who you are in your heart. And yeah, you fucked up, but there were extenuating circumstances. What’s important is that you’re here now. I know you won’t make the same mistake again.”
I’m shocked I must have said the words aloud, but more than that, I’m humbled by his response.A mistake?No, what I did was evil. But my Lio has always been the strongest of us. And I need him to see that now. Especially, when he’s fighting demons of his own.
“I…I have no words.” My throat is tight, emotion clogging it. The feelings are so unfamiliar to me, and yet, at the same time, it’s reminiscent of the past. Only this time…this time I know what it is. Love.
