Carter sits in the chair that’s become his at my bedside. “There’s something I need to discuss with you, but it can wait until you’re ready.”
I let out a hoarse laugh. “I have nothing but time now. What else am I going to do? I…I can’t be trusted to run the Family. I’m sorry. That puts you in a terrible position, especially with Lio out, but… I can’t be trusted to make good decisions. I’m not fit to be Boss. Cristian was right…”
“No.” Carter’s voice is sharp. He reaches out and grips my chin, forcing me to look at him. “He was not right. Your father…” He takes a deep breath. “I love him, and I know he loves you, but sometimes his need to protect us makes him short-sighted. He was not right, though. You are ready, more than. You’ve proven yourself since the very beginning, and I will not accept you putting yourself down because you’re having a hard time right now. Okay?”
I let out a stuttering breath, my throat closing with the stupid feelings I can’t push down. “Then why do I feel like this?”
“Like what, Figlio Mio?”
“Like I’m free-falling and there’s no one around to catch me.” I see the devastation in his eyes, and it makes my own burn. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be such a disappointment.”
“You’re not,” he says firmly. “I don’t want to hear you say that again, understand? You are smart, brave, fierce, and I hate that the stupid bitch took that confidence from you. You and Emilio are so much more than what she put you through.”
I sniff. “How…how is Lio doing?”
I don’t care what Cecily did to me, only what she put Lio through. My friend is far softer than he shows others, and I know hurting me will have hurt him. His suffering feels like my own.
“He’s… I don’t want to say better, because he has a long way to go before he’s the Lio we know and love, but he’s lucidnow. Hollis was in with him this morning, and…now he’s with Allesandro.”
I still, watching Carter’s face carefully. I know my friend loves that asshole, and while I’m not Benjamin, and I won’t make things harder on him, I’ll never like him just because Lio has feelings for him. I know the difference between support and being a dick, though, so I won’t say that.
“But he’s okay?” I hold my breath.
“Yeah, I think he’ll be okay. He needs to see a therapist, and Doc has a psychiatrist coming in to work with him. It’s not going to be an easy road, for either of you, but he’s alive, and he’s finding his footing. I know you miss him, and are waiting to see him, but Lio needs you, too, Roman. You can’t fix him, but you can be there for him…so long as you’re taking care of yourself.”
I shudder as I stare at my dad. All I can think is:Lio’s okay. He’s alive. He hasn’t abandoned me like Cristian did.
“When can I see him?”
“That’s Doc’s decision, and probably Hollis’s. It won't be until they think you’re both up to it. That means eating, sleeping, and being willing to see more than just me. You have people waiting for you, Roman. I know Hollis and Tennant are…struggling with not being able to see you. Jude is a bit more patient, but I’m starting to see his frustration, and you know how bad it must be for him to show that. Ignacio…I’m pretty sure Jayden is a hairsbreadth away from following through on his threat of tying him to his bed.”
I laugh a little, knowing he’s not kidding. Swallowing, I look him in the eye. “I don’t know if I’m ready. Hearing Lio is doing better helps, but…I’mnot.”
“You love so hard, Figlio. You need people around who love you, and can show you how much they care. I know you’re waiting on Lio, but don’t push everyone else away.”
I take another stuttering breath, my heart and soul torn between my friend and my family. I need them both in my life, and with them so split right now, I don’t know how to walk in the chasm that formed in the middle of them.
Sucking in a breath, I decide I need to try. If Lio has the strength to go on, then so do I. I can’t let him down. He’ll need support, and I refuse to make it harder on him. I can’t—won’t—fail him.
“What were you needing to discuss? Sorry I made it all about myself.”
“Hey, no. You’re hurting, and I understand that. I can wait.”
I shake my head. “No…I need to think about something aside from myself for once. So?”
Carter sighs. “Your father and I are done for good, as you know.”
I nod carefully, my heart in my throat.
“I…I had a lot of thinking to do when I was shot. I left Cristian because he hurt me, and then I realized how small the box he put me in really was. I couldn’t limit myself anymore. I need you to know this first, need you to understand that my choices are coming from a place where logic resides. My heart played a big part as well, but it’s not the reason for the decisions I’ve made.”
He sighs. “You asked me before if Marcus, Keegan, and I were anything but family, and I said no… That was true at the time. Now, though…they’ve asked me to be theirs, and I want that more than anything, Roman. I don’t know when my feelings went from that of friends to lovers, but I know I’m in love with them, and I can see a future with them. With…the five of us as a family, if you’ll have them, too.”
I stare at Carter, stunned for a moment, even as warmth spreads through me. It’s jarring, after being numb for so long. But… “I love you, Dad. And if you love them, if they’re good toyou…then I want you to be happy. I just worry. You deserve the world after what Cristian put you through. I won’t sit back while you’re treated unfairly.”
He shakes his head, smiling a little. “I know you won’t. But I can promise you, they treat me…” He trails off and bites his lip for a moment. “They treat me like I’m the sun in their sky. I love them so much I can’t breathe sometimes. I don’t know where our relationship is going to go, but I want to explore it. I want to be a family.”
“I’ll always support you,” I tell him gently. “Don’t worry about me. If you love them…I’ll give them a chance.”
