This is a man. A man that I don’t recognize. Someone ethereal and greater than a mere mortal like me could ever bearound. I’m tainting his perfect image by sharing the same air as him. I take a step back, my foot catching on the edge of the carpet in my parents living room. I can still hear my parents in the kitchen, mere feet away from where my life is imploding before my own eyes.
He reaches his hand out, like he wants to steady me. I know how those hands feel on me. I’ve dreamt of the swirls of his fingerprints indenting themselves into me until they leave marks. Those hands feel like nothing more than a dream now though.
I flinch away, pivoting my body away from his reach and I take an unsteady step back on my prosthetic. The plastic groans under my weight from the odd angle and my leg gives a twinge in pain, echoing through my nerve endings and a headache starts to bloom at the base of my skull. I squint my eyes shut to help fight off the pain.
“Jer,” he says softly and I open my eyes, darkness swimming at the corners as I try to right myself. He still has his hand out, his right hand. Right there on the third finger from his thumb is a dazzling gold band with crystals embedded into the material.
His wedding ring. His commitment to spend the rest of his life with another man. A commitment that I wasn’t invited to take part in. A commitment that, given the chance, I would have spoken out against. Because I know the truth, deep in my soul. I was in love with Raiden, not as a friend, but deeply in love with him. So much so that I didn’t know where he ended and I began. For the longest time, I chalked all of my negative feelings up to being dismissed completely from his life after graduation. It was more than that though, it was a betrayal. A betrayal from the one person who I thought would love and understand me for the rest of my life.
It was a childish pipe dream, one that wasn’t ready for the impact of the real world to come crashing down and put all those plans to a quick stop. Standing in front of him, staringinto his brown eyes and seeing the ray of gold reflecting in my peripheral vision, I do my best to let him go. I let go of the dreams that kept me company on deployments. Happy and sunshine filled dreams with floral scented body wash and messy kisses over cookies.
“It’s really good to see you, Raiden,” I say, meaning it truly. Itisgood to see him. A small crease is noticeable between his furrowed eyebrows, and I push down the urge to smooth it out. That isn’t my place anymore and it never will be. A pang of longing hits me and I smile through the pain. “I watched your performance at the Super Bowl… you were incredible.”
His face flushes pink, and he ducks his head, the light blonde tendrils covering his forehead and his eyes so I can’t see what he’s thinking. “It was a huge honor for Reaghan to ask me, and I loved practicing for it. Performing was just…” He lifts his head and I see the same look he would have after a long day of competition or coming off the field after a performance. He’s remembering the high, the adrenaline coursing through his veins as millions of people across the country watched him put his heart and soul into his movements.
“You earned it, everyone could see how hard you worked.”
“Thanks Jer, I really appreciate it.”
There’s a mumbling coming from the kitchen, and then my dad is coming up behind me, his steps loud against the floor and I appreciate the extra forethought. He slaps me on my shoulder and glances at Raiden before directing his attention back to me.
“Mom said you can’t stay for dinner.” The comment is said nonchalantly but I know exactly what he’s doing.
“Yeah, I have to meet Liam.”
Raiden opens his mouth like he wants to say something, and then promptly closes it again. His brows creasing in the middle as he nibbles on his lower lip, drawing the pink flesh into his mouth and abusing it until it’s red and swollen.
“You should invite him over,” my dad suggests cheerfully and then continues, “Last time he was over, he said he could beat me in an arm wrestling match and we never got to try since you two left early.” Liam and my dad got along great when they first met, thanks to my dad dropping me off at the gym Liam works at. He gave Liam the third degree and wanted to know every step in the plan for getting my physical health back to one hundred percent. Normal people would be scared of my dad, with his rough voice and no bullshit attitude. Not Liam though. If anything, I was slightly scared of Liam. He stands a couple of inches taller than me, with shoulder length locs he typically pulls into a tight ponytail, and his biceps speak to the hours of dedication he puts in at the gym.
“Yeah, I’ll call him real quick.” I say a quick prayer that he isn’t busy or that I can come up with an excuse quick enough to not make myself look pathetic and let everyone know that I was making up bullshit reasons for why I couldn't be at dinner with Raiden.
“Samantha, baby, set another placemat for Liam. Jericho is going to invite him over for dinner.”
I force a fake smile on my face and leave Raiden and my dad to talk in the living room while I go to my room to make a private call to Liam.
My room is the exact same as it was in highschool, my trophies are sitting along my shelves and my bed sheets are still the same awful navy blue that my mom is dead set on decorating with.
My phone rings in my hand as I pace the space, kicking my dirty clothes into a pile in the corner of the room and out of the way. My leg aches against my prosthetic and the temptation to take it off and hobble to dinner with my crutches is there, but I ignore it for now.
“What?” Liam says in lieu of hello.
“I need you to come over to my parents’ for dinner tonight.”The line is silent for a minute and I pull my phone away from my face to see if he hung up.
“And why would I do that?” His voice is sarcastic and I know he’s getting a kick out of this.
“Because they’ll feed you for free and I promise not to complain next time you make me do burpees?” It’s the best I can offer at this moment.
“What’s for dinner?”
“Dunno, Ema is making dinner. My mom made cheesecake and brownies though.” Liam is a sucker for my mom’s brownies but I realize a moment too late my major fuck up.
“Ema? Raiden’s mom?” My silence is his answer and he groans loudly. “Is he there?”
“Yes, but my dad told me to ask you. It’s complicated. If I promise no complaining and I’ll buy you that sissy beer that you like, will you please come over?” There's rustling in the background and I can hear him making kissy noises towards his dog, Jojo.
“Be there in twenty. And it’s not sissy beer, it’s low calorie.” He says before he hangs up. I toss my phone on the bed and sit in the chair at my desk, resting my head in my hands and contemplating how awful this dinner is going to go.
12
