JERICHO
Shockingly, dinner was not awful. It could have been a lot worse. Liam was on his best behavior the whole time, and asked all of the right questions to Raiden. How he likes his job, what his nutritional goals are, and things of that sort.
Thankfully, Liam never mentioned all of the information I told him over tequila and lime only a few weeks after I had been homeIt should have been embarrassing to cry over a guy to my physical trainer like that, but Liam didn’t make me feel bad about it. He comforted me, gave me a plastic bin to throw up in if I got sick, and let me crash on his couch.
Ema and Rodney invited my parents over to their house, leaving us behind in their wake to clean up.
“I’ll start on the dishes,” Liam offers, grabbing the plates off the table and setting them carefully in the sink before turning on the water. He hums to himself as he starts, and I keep sitting in my seat, staring down at the hardwood that’s worn out in certain places from the years of use and abuse.
“Hey,” Raiden says, coming and sitting close enough to me I can feel his body heat carving into my side.
“Hey.” I lift my head and smile at him. Offering an olive branch to him after all these years. “Want to bake cookies while Liam finishes up the dishes?”
“Won’t we just get more dirty?” He has a twinkle in his eye, humor lining his face.
Even with the leftover cheesecake and brownies, Raiden and I bake cookies like all those times we did in high school. Dirtying up way too many dishes, and Liam soaks us both with the water sprayer when I drop the mixing bowl into the sink.
We sit on the couch, each of us creating divots in the cushions while Raiden picks out a movie for us to watch. Liam is on the farthest corner of the couch, I’m in the middle with my feet propped up on the edge of the coffee table, my prosthetic crossed over my leg, and Raiden is sitting close to me on the other side, with his feet tucked underneath his body.
“The Best of Me? Really?” Liam asks, cocking his eyebrows as he rests against the back of the couch, propping his arm on the arm rest and staring at Raiden.
“Yes, really,” Raiden says, turning his nose up a little, and focusing on the TV in front of him as the movie starts.
As the movie progresses, I can hear Liam shuffling around to get comfortable. I stay still, practically stationary as Raiden does the same. His movements shift him closer and closer to me until his sock covered feet are splayed across my lap.
Liam starts snoring and Raiden turns the volume up to drown out the loud sounds of the grown man next to us.
I hear a sniffle, and watch as Raiden’s rubs at the corners of his eyes, wiping away his tears.
“Come here.” I lift my arm up and he tucks himself underneath it, just like he did that day on the couch so many years ago when he confided in me about Josh. His floral scent is still the same, and the weight of his head on my shoulder still finds a way to burrow its way into me.
We stay like that, both of us enjoying the movie and finding comfort in one another until the ending credits roll. Liam is still asleep on the couch, and I don’t want to wake him. He already has a rough time sleeping as it is.
“Want to sit outside for a little bit?” I whisper, pinching a piece of his hair in between my fingers and twirling it around my digits.
“It’s getting late…”
“You’re totally right.” And totallymarried. Of course he doesn’t want to sit outside and look at the stars with me. He has a husband to go home to. A husband he loves and wants to spend time with. “I can walk you out.” I push off the couch and lift one leg off the table, and then adjust my other leg. It protests at the weight being put on it after being in a relaxed position for so long. I’ll have to take it easy tomorrow,
“Did your leg fall asleep?” Raiden asks, staring at my prosthetic leg. He can’t see the plastic and the metal contraption under my jeans.
“Something like that.” I reply easily. Standing up and waiting for my weight to adjust on its own. It’s still trial and error, and I’m sure it always will be. But when I look back on this in the future, I won’t remember the failures, I’ll only remember what I overcame.
“You were walking weird on it earlier too, when you first saw me. Is everything okay?” Does he not know what happened? Did he not listen to any of the voicemails I left while I was recovering in the hospital? The rambling words filled with pain and sadness while I needed someone to be a listening ear, to help me carry this burden. I don’t know why I expected him to be that for me, he’s proven time and time again over the years that I meannothingto him.
Anger bubbles up inside me, fast and vicious. I want to lash out, to hurt him the way he keeps hurting me. To tear down hisdefenses and leave him bruised and bloody. Badly wounded. And then when he’s begging for someone to help take his pain away, I would walk away.
“Leave,” I bite out, my voice shaking with barely contained rage. The olive branch I extended earlier snaps in half in an instant, my mind screaming at me to turn my hatred towards him. This ishisfault. If he wouldn’t have run away from me, I would have stayed home. I would have found a way forusto work.
“Wh-what?” He stutters, pain lining his voice. I wave my hand towards the door, flexing my muscles under the tension radiating through my limbs.
“Leave, Raiden,” I enunciate every syllable, glaring at him while he stares at me with his mouth agape. “Now.”
Liam chooses that moment to wake up, his jaw cracking yawn loud enough to be heard over the pounding in my ears. “What’s going on?” He asks, his eyes ping-ponging back and forth between Raiden and I.
“Raiden was just leaving.”
“No… Jer–” Raiden tries to stop me, but I can’t be stopped. The tsunami of feelings washing over me is unstoppable now, impenetrable by his tear-filled eyes and pouty bottom lip.
